To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

OP you can't generalise from this one event....does she have a pattern of doing similar?

I would be thankful to have a parent still looking out for me in adulthood, and grateful for their assistance wherever it was from. It was to tide you over, not a gift.

You sound ungrateful

I’m afraid I do think people on a low income are treated as less worthy. For example, people often donate unbranded food to food banks rather than the more expensive items that they’d buy for themselves. I have a friend who comes from old money. She is nice but very tight materially and never gives gifts. Even when we were students, her less affluent guests would lavish quite expensive gifts on her, assuming probably that they had to go the extra distance to impress her due to her wealth. She never reciprocated! It’s not a mistake on her part, more a snapshot of deference to wealth in our society.

Why are you in this position and is this the first time your mum has done this? I can’t really answer without the context.

I shop in Waitrose for myself and husband.

If I was helping my daughter out with shopping to tide her over until payday (she has her own flat) I would definitely just pop into Waitrose for a few items for her. Not go to Tesco where I know she tends to shop.

I can understand you feeling upset @paintbynumberss I would feel happy inside to be helping my daughter but also to be treating her a bit because (in my opinion) there are nicer options in Waitrose hence it is more expensive.

Jinx @purpleygrey - it’s exactly the phrase that comes to mind.

By the sound of it, its not a one off you running to the bank of mum. Does she do this for you every month (presuming you get paid monthly)? Does she know you normally shop in Asda? Is it a supermarket close to you and would she have to go out of the way to go to M&S to get you in some shopping.

I would be grateful rather than come across entitled

Your poor mother - she can’t do right for doing wrong! You sound impossible.

wow. Your poor mum can’t to right for doing wrong.

Plus all orange juice is bad for you - it is basically sugar

But can’t you see that if the mother bought her the good juice there would be a message behind that too?

That this juice is the better juice, the one you should buy…here try it. Buying the cheap juice simply because you like it better is wrong and this juice is right.

Come off it.

Yeah, I’m afraid I’d do exactly the same as your mum here. I’d buy you the basics and take the view that if you want Innocent juice then you need to earn the money to pay for it yourself. Although given that you said she’d been hurtful in the past we don’t have the full story. But on its own, YABU to expect luxuries when you don’t have enough money to buy food.

M&S food is not the best, by any means.

If you look up various comparisons Aldi often comes out tops or other brands much cheaper than M&S.

Beggars can’t be choosers.

You drink Asda own brand so that’s what she got!

You could have done without juice for one day!

I’d say juice wasn’t necessary anyway so you were lucky to get it all.

Fruit juice is not a basic. Why are you so short of money?

I’d guess maybe there are other underlying feelings OP. My mum helps me out on a regular basis and it’s from a cheaper supermarket than she uses. I think she pitches it as what is most useful, best value and it’s where I shop. I have never felt anything other than grateful but maybe that’s because my mum has always gone out of her way to help me and not make me feel ashamed of being an adult who needs financial help. And she has also treated me on many occasions.
I think people have probably missed the point, I doubt this is about you wanting luxury goods, probably more likely to reflect some other feelings about your relationship with your parents.
Also maybe your self esteem is low because you have run out of money. It’s tough not having enough and it feels like a personal failure.
Even if your relationship is not perfect, I think on this occasion your mum showed up - literally - when you needed her which shows she cares.

Presumably she can afford the more expensive range for herself because she budgets for that. Doing your shopping as well will have been an unexpected extra expense, so outside her usual budget. (And I mean something more here than “could she afford it?” People who are good with money tend to be more careful than that- they’re not just thinking about whether they can afford it in the immediate sense of having enough in their account but how the spending fits into their longer term plans. That’s why they seem to have plenty of money,, because they don’t act like it’s burning a hole in their pocket.)

😂

Love your work

I think she bought the brands you normally do op so it’s not fair to complain - she knows you like them. Try not to read anything into it!

having said that, my dad always buys me more luxury products from Waitrose that I would never buy myself, and I always think it’s so kind. He would always buy what he thinks as the best product. We’re not on the breadline so it’s not essential foods.

Just as an aside, most non branded food items are just B lines from the same factory as the branded items.

It is not like Tesco has their own factory to make orange juice.

She bought the brand you drink, you maybe not have liked a different one