To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

I experience it as an insinuation that I'm not as worthy of the quality that she is.

I refuse to believe that people like this are real.

God, the mother can’t on holiday because her daughter is broke one week . But who knows how said daughter spends her income and on what?

I didn't get the sense OP prefers it: she usually buys it because that's what she can afford!

So many nasty and unpleasant posts on here. Reveals the truth about most of the spiteful women on MN.

But that isn’t what happened. The OP’s mother didn’t give her Asda juice on the grounds that beggars can’t be choosers.

She gave it to her because the OP prefers it.

If the mother didn’t like juice at all and she drank only water or almond milk, should she have given her dd water or almond milk because ‘that’s what I drink myself’?

Would you have seen her turning up with "posher" stuff her rubbing your nose in it though? Ie Ive got more money than you.

Or maybe Asda was more practical for her? If I was helping someone with some shopping I would probably go to the most practical place even if that wasnt where I normally shopped.

Or maybe she assumed you like that food and went out of her way to get it?

Eta when I used to buy food for food banks, I would get own brand 99% of the time. This is simply because I wanted to get as much as I could. One £4 box of branded Weetabix vs 6 boxes of own brand. I wouldnt have necessary have bought the own brand for myself but I figured 6 families getting breakfast is better than 1. Maybe she said "I've said I'll get her tea this evening so that's £20. Or if I go to Asda I can get her a lot more for that £20 which seems like a better idea".

I often send over the basics to my DS when he is nearly out of money (he has a learning condition and finds it very difficult to budget).
I buy cheaper brands so I get more for my money and will add a bar of chocolate. I hope he isn’t judging me.

Own brand = money can stretch further. Yabu.

Well, if she had bought you the same items, but from M&S, you might have thought about how she could have got you so much more by shopping at Aldi and purchasing own brands. She can’t really win if you are into looking gift horses in the mouth, can she?

God MN is weird sometimes. If one of my kids was in your position, I'd have bought them the nice juice that I drink myself, not gone round with ASDA value on the grounds that 'beggars can't be choosers' when the 'beggar' in question is my own child.

This is what I don't get... juice isn't an immediate necessity 🤨 just a nice to have.

Waiting for OP to come back...

And to PP who commented the mother shouldn't be going on holiday if her daughter is so poor... does the daughter bear no responsibility here? To improve her own situation?
The mother can spend her money on what she likes... including brand name juice, and holidays.

YABU
There are people posting on MN every day about how they are struggling and their well-off parents don't help at all
Your mum loves you, cares for you, and thinks about you enough to notice and buy the things you buy for yourself

I think this is a fair enough attitude, and you’re being honest about it. OP is wondering whether this is the attitude her mum is taking and feeling a bit hurt if so. Big difference - IMO - between a BIL and one’s own child. I can see OP’s point too, and there’s obviously a back story.

YABU.

Beggars can't be choosers.

Your mum has helped you out as an adult, and you're upset she hasn't emptied out her wallet more?

I'd be more fixated on why you're even in this position as an autonomous adult.

Your pay day is today, but she bought you enough food/ drinks to tide you over until next week - I'd see that as generous.
Is there really so little in your house that you couldn't last for another 12 hours? No food in the freezer? No tins of tuna or beans?
I've been down to the bones of my arse the day before payday, but not enough to need someone else to buy me food for the sake of a few hours.

If I was buying someone food I'd buy them their usual brands. You sound ungrateful and snobby.

In the past 4 years my cousin has needed a tide-over about 10 times. I ask her what she needs, and she asks for just a few items to get her through the next 24 hours.

It's actually quite hard. I spend about £20 on what she's asked for, but it never looks like much. So I add some "saver" storecupboard items, which I would never buy for myself, but think would be useful for her to have in reserve. And then it looks joyless. So I add a bar of her favourite chocolate, and a couple of bananas. And then I add a four-pack of toilet rolls, because you can't go wrong with having a spare pack of toilet rolls.

But I'm always torn between buying more cheaper items or fewer items, but stuff I'd buy myself.

She's always grateful, but I always end up feeling that I haven't given her enough but that I've spent far too much! It's really not that simple!

My husband already did loose his job. Really suddenly.

I didn’t ask my mam for juice and complain because although it was the one I preferred and bought usually for myself, it wasn’t the kind she liked though.

I wouldn’t be hurt that my mum brought round those cheaper brand food items, no not at all. I’d be delighted,… how kind. I would be happy that she purchased my normal brand that I was happy with.
But then when I was in financial difficulty as a student, I never let my parents have to worry about it in the first place.
To this day, I rarely buy juice because I consider it a luxury. We eat fruit from lidl and drink water from the tap. It’s cheaper.

You don’t say how old you are OP but would it be better to use that negative energy to look for ways to improve your financial situation so that you can be fully independent. Is that possible?

What a brat you are shes probably fed up bailing you out, get yourself a better job budget better and stop moaning

Yes this.

Whenever I have wanted to help my adult DCs out with shopping or toiletries, they always tell me to get the supermarket brands they're used to, they feel guilty otherwise.

Of course I want to treat them but at the same time I don't want them feeling uncomfortable.

They are always very grateful whatever I buy them.

Op do you feel grateful to your mother? She's done a kindness there, even going shopping for the items and bringing them to you, yes you're complaining about the brand of juice.

Tbh juice isn't even an essential for one day.

All adults in the world are by definition “adult kids”.
Most people stop acting like actual children and stand on their own two feet though.

Yes. I understand this too, OP. As a mum, I would buy the better stuff for my grown children. It’s an instinct.

Lots of people are going to be losing their jobs soon. Watch all these same people acting high and mighty and as though someone struggling to make ends meet is a “beggar” and just incompetent suddenly change their tune when it happens to them.

and op, I would imagine your mother probably regularly does shit and that this is the tip of the iceberg. And actually frankly, if my children I brought into this world don’t have the money for food I’m not going to be swanning off on fucking holidays. I’m going to be making sure they’re ok first because I chose that role when I decided to have them. People are nasty to their adult kids.

I'm 42 and still living on 'cheap ass' food from Aldi.

I even (shock horror) feed this 'cheap-ass' food to my guests, apparently I must be a reasonable cook because people always go for seconds if there are any and no-one has ever turned down an invite for a meal at mine!

My parent shops in Booths/Waitrose but doesn't have the skill to make basic ingredients taste nice so they are buying a lot of processed foods as it is all 'bung in the oven and serve' stuff. It is definitely a matter of convenience for them rather than 'oh, I just love Booths/Waitrose etc'

Orange juice is orange juice (you take a load of oranges and squeeze the bejesus out of them) they either get put in a basic carton or a pretty carton and get sold for more money 🤷‍♀️

If an adult child of mine had the audacity to complain about 'emergency' food I went out of my way to buy them, on here or anywhere else, they would be starving until their next pay day and I am sure they would learn appreciation for the 'cheap-ass' food that had previously been provided.

We can only feel hurt if we make that choice.

Other peoples actions are to do with them & sometime we cannot control.

Choose not to feel hurt instead.