To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

Oh look - another 'plop and drop' first time poster with no posting history....

She does say that her mum has previously behaved in hurtful ways in her first sentence.

I totally agree. MN can be vile sometimes, just like a group of playground bullies.
If I were the well off grandmother as described, where my DD was so hard up she couldn't even afford cheap food, I would take great pleasure in treating her and her family to some treats. Indeed, I would invite them to my own home to eat. The 'I must never, ever expect even a smile from my own parents because that is entitled' group on MN has really gone too far.

What many are overlooking is that OP said that she can’t even tell the difference between own brand juice and the fancy stuff. So if her Mum had bought her the posh stuff it would have been a complete waste of money!

It’s consumerism gone mad that people are conflating motherly love with how much they’re prepared to be ripped off for overpriced juice that the recipient couldn’t even pick out in a taste test.

That might be a reasonable response but would depend on why my child was struggling. If would certainly help in instances such as: poor mental or physical health; young in a low paid job and had high rent, single parent or couple with low income and struggling with housing and childcare costs etc. However, if the child (as OP, single and no kids) had what would be considered an adequate income if they budgeted appropriately but were skint because they were spending inappropriate amounts relative to their income on non-essentials e.g going to the pub, eating out etc. I would only do as OP’s mother and give food shopping to make sure they ate. Would of course give generous amount as cash as birthday and Christmas presents for them to use for the fun stuff.

When my eldest daughter was in this position I just bought her what she normally used. I never thought to get top end brands unless her usual buys were out of stock.

Fresh juice is hardly an essential. If I was broke I wouldn't be wasting money on any brand. I'd just drink water and spend the money on edible groceries.

But anyway, she got you the stuff you admit you use yourself. Why would she buy something different all of a sudden?

It's an odd thing to be bothered by really. So there's obviously much more to it.

Spite aplenty here.

OP, you know YANBU. It’s hard enough being poorer than your friends and family without them making further efforts to keep it that way.

Judt say thanks to her and be grateful.

I would always buy my kids the best I could afford. I can’t imagine choosing the cheapest possible brand for them.

Or, as many have pointed out, her mum has noticed what SHE buys and went out of her way to get the stuff her daughter is used to and chooses for herself.

Where do these people come from, I ask myself? The contempt they showed for that original poster, over her really fairly innocuous question, was bizarre. I think they see the first one or two bolshy answers and it gives them confidence to join a nasty pile on. It shows me how a good proportion of posters on MN just come here to vent their spiteful spleens in the nastiest possible way to complete strangers, and make judgements about people they know nothing about, on zero evidence, where there is no fear of real comeback. They often appear to be seething with jealousy (“you’re so ungrateful”) under the veneer of moralism..

@GetThatToadOutOfMyHole We buy stuff for the food bank. I often get soap powder or liquid or washing up liquid because it's the stuff they dont get enough of and have to ask for. I may put in toothbrushes and toothpaste, specially at Christmas when they give out more sweet food. If I buy food no I dont buy what I have myself because they need food people can cook in a microwave. If I buy an expensive tin of meat it would be one can instead of 3 tins of meatballs. At Christmas I do the reverse advent calendar so I stock them up again for the post Christmas shortages.

Virtue signalling people buy what they eat themselves, those who have experienced poverty themselves know that is not usually the most help.

It was @GetThatToadOutOfMyHole .

And yes, it makes no sense to me, in a 'number of people helped with my £5' sense, and also disparages those who are struggling themselves, but still want to help others.

Yes I do buy cheap own-brand stuff for the food bank.
Why? Because that's all I can afford to buy for myself.

Not sure who said the original post that saraclara quoted - but I'd love them to come back and explain why I should only buy Heinz beans, Tropicana juices, DeCecco pasta for the food bank while I am scrimping by and buying Tesco value beans, juice and pasta for myself - beans and pasta in particular are all the same to me.

Could it be that your mum was busy and she was near Asda than M & S when she was looking to buy? Maybe she didn’t want you to have the M & S food and really like it and then get into you into debt if you continued to buy it? Or you then start resenting the cheaper food you buy?

If I had £1.21 and no food, I would be grateful for some warm bottled water and a loaf of bread. I certainly wouldn’t notice what brand anything is. Your mom can afford to drink branded juice, you can’t afford any juice at all at the moment. Be grateful.

And just to add, if this was my adult child, I would be offering to send them a few hundred quid a month to bridge the gap.

Plus many weeks buying the own brand stuff is the only way WE can survive. We try to donate nicer food at Christmas etc but most people are just doing what they can, not inventing an hierarchy of who's worthy of what food in their head!

I do get you Op, kind of, however, it made me think of MIL who is a multi millionaire, and in the same circumstances she would let you starve. Even if you had a month till pay day, no help would be offered. Everything for her is the best of the best, several long haul holidays a year, business class only - you get the drift. No help given to children ever, even though one of her adult children is broke. Your Mum seems a lot kinder.

Exactly. The pile on is crazy. Personally as a mum i would be in the same shops I buy for myself, and buying my kids the same as what I get myself. Op said she cant taste the difference between the cheaper brands, she didnt say she doesn't like the others. Mum sounds like shes being a bit tight.

Food banks are available for supplies if you aren’t happy OP?

YABU. beggars can’t be choosers as they say. Be grateful you have a mum who is willing to help you out in this situation.

I wonder if any of these people criticising OP for needing her mums help donate to a food bank? Would you just donate the cheapest food because that’s all people struggling deserve?

Yes, but not because 'it's all they deserve'. I donate the own brand stuff, because with the money I have available, that way I can help five people with own brand orange juice, rather than one person with Innocent orange juice.

Are you having to pay her back for this shop? If you are, maybe she didn't get the expensive stuff because she thought you couldn't afford to pay that much back? Obviously if you're struggling with finances so much then an expensive little food shop would be a bit extravagant