To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

I’m absolutely loaded but I try and buy my DS as much as possible as he finds it really hard to budget. For example I’ll buy sausages, bacon, eggs, beans, pasta, tuna, milk, mayonnaise, chicken thighs, rice, bananas, oven chips, ham and a bar of chocolate so he can make quite a few meals. This sits right with me and the money doesn’t come out of my own food shop money I use a different pot of money for it. It’s not about ‘needing’ to budget but I choose to in these circumstances.

Maybe it depends on your budget but given that OPs mother has a mortgage free house, can afford 2 holidays a year, drives a high end car and does her own shopping at M&S this suggests she has a good amount of disposable income.

This being the case, she probably doesn't need to budget £25 to help her daughter out. It's just odd to me that someone wouldn't just go to their usual supermarket to buy a few items for their daughter.

I go to a cheaper shop for my DS, i mentally budget for example £25 and think to myself I can buy him more with that from the cheaper shop. I include some bits such as pasta, tins of tuna and stuff that’s good for an emergency meal as well as enough food for a few days, he’s always really appreciative.

YABU and ungrateful.

But OP has said that she CAN’T tell the difference! This isn’t about your preferences. It’s about someone expecting something more expensive than the one she usually has, which is perfectly nice when she’s buying it, but suddenly inferior when it’s somebody else’s money.

@Twiglets1 where she usually shops is not necessarily on her doorstep. Daughters place could be in the opposite direction and many miles away. When I took my kid food parcels (when they were a student) I shopped at the most convenient place close to where they were living so the food would still be fresh when I arrived.

I would imagine there is a back story here too.

The OP should let us know how many times her DM has to help her out with groceries and why.

Only read the OP and I am I am afraid that to me you just sound ungrateful and entitled. Aren't you lucky that someone cares enough to bring you food?

Do you have grown up DC you help out with food?

No good deed goes unpunished eh? How ungrateful OP

Thanks. I didn’t have the energy to explain!

Agreed. It’s all so mean-spirited and joyless. I love treating my kids so it’s win-win.

I think you are struggling and feeling a bit low and I can understand why you felt a bit underwhelmed and that it really highlighted the difference in income between you, which has made you feel a bit down again and as if she is only going through the motions It's also wintery weather too, which has its own constraints when you have to watch the pennies.

However, I think there is a lot of sense in the above note from @Justcallmedaffodil and that the main thing to focus on is that someone came and helped you out when you needed it, rather than dwell on the quality of the help, which I think could send you down a whole other track at a time when you are already feeling low.

Is there a bit more of a back ground to your relationship with DM that perhaps has sparked this? Maybe its something you could discuss with her.

If you wanted advice, perhaps you could start another thread as people may have some suggestions or money saving tips or for how you could improve your your job hunting chances or find a side line or way to boost your income. I know the job market is difficult and constant replying and being rejected can really be depressing atm. could you be depressed? is it worth seeing GP for a check up and making sure you are not vitamin deficient. (I do think of this because I discovered I was severely vitamin deficient - I didn't believe in supplements - but it actually made a huge difference)
Pay day tomorrow so hopefully that will ease things for you.

If I were the op's mum, I'd be very disappointed that my daughter was so entitled and ungrateful.

We don't know the whole story or the mother's version of events. When I sae the thread title I thought the mother usually bought herself Mukberry handbags buy had bought her dd something from M&S.

If I were your mum I would have seen this as an opportunity to spoil you a little and would have bought you the more expensive options plus some treats, knowing that you were struggling financially.

This!! Can’t believe how unreasonable you’re being.

I'm wondering if there is a backstory here of your mum bailing you out for years. What's your work ethic like, what's your situation, why are you so skint?

I very happily help out my adult DDs, but they work hard ... if they didn't then I'd be reluctant to.

I think your mum has done a lovely thing.

Have you ever eaten one variety of orange v another? Have you experienced how one might be very sweet e.g. a Valencia and another very tart e.g a Seville ?

within the same variety of orange have you ever had a juicy tasty orange v bitter chewy orange?

Different brands use different blends of orange so can taste completely different from that alone. The freshness of the fruit can also impact flavour with some brands using older fruit because it’s cheaper. Which again impacts flavour.

most importantly, regardless of whether it is freshly squeezed or made from concentrate the juice can be marked as 100% fruit juice but they are very different drinks.

This is a joke right? It has to be, there’s literally no other way of explaining it.

Why would M&S be out of the mum’s way? It is where she usually shops.

The whole thing is mad. The orange juice couldn't have waited a day until OP could buy her own?

I just can't imagine moaning to my mum about not having food as an adult and then complaining online about what she bought me. I especially wouldn't ask my mother for food, if she had been hurtful in the past.

But mum might not know daughter drinks Asda juice but secretly hankers after innocent/m &s.
I try and buy my adult uni age daughter same brands and things as I know she has as she’s fussy and aware of calories.

It depends on the context op.

If i was the dm I would use the opportunity to treat my dd

its depends what she is like

I have a v mean sdm- she treats herself to long haul holiday s , good wine, new conservatory etc - but when I was in a similar situation gave me £ 1 for food to tide me over till the next day when I was breast feeding ( there had been a pay issue)

Also agree.

Absolutely agree, as a mother of adult kids.