To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

I don’t budget for my own food, tbh I haven’t looked at the price of my own food in years. I do however want to help my DS and I decided how to do this is set a budget and buy as much food that he likes from that amount of money. I have done a lot of thinking about how to help, how I wanted to do this and what I was prepared to do/provide. This feels the right decision to me and I don’t think there is any right or wrong way to help adult DC.

I also help my DS in so many other ways , such as filling in forms, helping him manage his money and giving him money, regular lunches out, twice a week meet ups, I bought him a flat too. Sometimes I do find it exhausting as he’s almost 40 and I do worry about what will happen after I die.

It would be interesting to hear from the DM of the original poster.

I think this is so much deeper than wether your mum bought branded labels.
I would suggest talking to a professional counsellor about past underlining sadness and emotional pain that's clearly unresolved.
Carrying emotional pain doesnt go away without a healing process this will bring freedom acceptence and peace to you.

@FastTurtleI’m amazed given that you’re “absolutely loaded” that you have a budget for your shop. As a working adult I’ve never budgeted my food shop. I just buy what I need/want. I realise this is very fortunate, but genuinely I’m curious why do you bother? Presumably you can afford it so why waste your time trying to meet an arbitrary target?

I also have adult (student) DC who sometimes need occasional help with shopping.

I buy them what I would have bought when they lived at home. I do an online Ocado shop and focus on purchasing the things that’s it’s hard for them to stretch to: salmon fillets, pine nuts, decent tomatoes, big jars of marmite and Nutella, basmati rice, lurpak etc etc

if my friend was struggling for money and needed a shop I’d get the same brand of essentials that I buy (bread, cheese, eggs, etc) and then throw in some treats.

the idea of loving and caring for someone enough to do a shop for them but then buying cheaper versions of what I would buy for myself feels like dreadful behaviour.

No, no
I have
My point still stands

I'd be more than happy with the thought she'd helped tide me over.

That’s exactly my thinking, I decided to answer as a mother who does help my adult DC with food. It’s all well in and good people answering who don’t have DC or only have toddlers but those answers are hypothetical. I actually do the shopping and I start with a budget and think how can I help my DS the most. I was a young teen mum and have been hungry I would have loved to receive a bag of groceries and i wouldn’t have even considered where they were purchased.

There is always a first.

I absolutely mangled my post and didn’t edit it in time! Here’s another attempt.

To be completely honest, OP, I would have sent my daughter some money to go and get a shop in; or, if she lived close by, I’d have told her to come round to mine and help herself to whatever she needed and wanted.

I would NOT take her a bag of basics, no.

Obviously we don't know the background, but based on what you've posted you're being unreasonable.

How well off your mum is isn't really relevant. She has presumably worked/ made life choices that have placed her where she is now. She isn't obliged to step in and help out, although when my kids get older if they were in your position I absolutely would.

You don't seem to have read the post I was replying to, nor to my own post. You've picked up on one word and entirely ignored the point I was making.

I don't know. If I had a friend who was really struggling and I decided I would buy say £30 worth of grocery's to help out. What would be best? Go to M and S if I normally shop there or got to Aldi which is right next door in my area and get her twice as much for the money 🤔 I think I'm going with getting her twice as much for the amount I can spend. Would get premium brands but would probably feel it was more of a help to friend to get as much as possible. I know in this case it's a daughter but as my ability to help isn't unlimited (and we only have the daughter's perception of her mother's income or outgoings) I think I would feel the same if it was my daughter. The mother may have had a particular amount in mind she was prepared to give ... and regardless of how rich or poor the mother is that is her choice and she may have felt that getting as much as possible within her chosen amount was best. 🤔

"Scraps"

Like she brought her some mangy OOD fruit and veg the shop was all but giving away and a slightly mouldy loaf which was 10p to shift it 🤣

Wow. You're presumably not going to allow yourself to have pennies in the bank in future then, are you.
Assume next month you'll start either making more, or spending less, so you've not got to rely on your mum , who you'll possibly complain about.
Think about what you'd do differently in future, so you can be fully independent from your mum, if her purchases upset you.

And she worked hard for it. She doesn't have to give that lifestyle to her daughter. She's an adult and if she works hard, she can live like her mother. She should be grateful she bought her groceries. If i couldn't afford groceries, I will be grateful for any brand.

@FastTurtle was this a typo?

I’m absolutely loaded but I try and buy my DS as much as possible

I have never heard anyone refer to themself as 'absolutely loaded' before!

Also I'm sure your mum worked hard and budgeted well to be able to afford her lifestyle. Maybe you should do the same and also be grateful. You are an adult and your mum is being nice helping you out.

To be completely honest, OP, I would have sent my daughter some money to go get a shop in, or if she lived close by I’d have told her to come round to mine and help herself to whatever she needed and wanted.

I would take her a bag of basics, no.

Dont understand why your not grateful, if your an adult she didnt need to buy you anything. !
She can spend her own money as she chooses. Your sounding entitled!

If it upsets you.uso .uch, politely tell your mum not to buy you stuff and get it yourself

I wish I had my mum to bring me food when I am running low, be grateful of whatever she brings uts good of her.

It must be. I'm sure she's looking for a reaction because I don't get it.

You must be joking right? The entitlement. You are lucky to have someone helping you out.

No, I don't have children. My own mum and dad, when I first moved out, did absolutely treat me by adding in some necessities plus treats for me when doing their own shopping - I would call in once a week for dinner and would go home with a bag of groceries.

I would do the same for my sister or a good friend (I have the means to do so now, as does the OP's mum by the sounds of it) rather than see someone I love struggle for food.

Well we're all different.

If I was absolutely loaded I would be buying my adult kids the same quality food as I bought for myself but OPs mother is not doing this.