To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

Every month or every so often?

I agree with this.

I'd definitely give some cash too.

But I'm not sure where the grocery shop is concerned that I would necessarily have bought different food from my dc's usual choice, if I knew what it was, just because I eat the different one. It's not as though they are in the home watching you eat it - and even then, my dc sometimes prefer different brands and I wouldn't think no, they must have the expensive one. I can't see the mum's behaviour really falls outside that. If I didn't know which brand they used, I would then buy my own preference.

As I posted above, I bought my mum her brands when I did her supermarket shop to help out after an op. It didn't occur to me to buy the things I like, as it was for her - even though I paid.

The OP has stated there’s form and this is obviously indicative of a bigger issue.

i also think there’s many circumstances where providing less than your own level of comfort is pretty grim and is the source of much outrage on MN:

Eating steak whilst your DC eat sausages (even though they like steak)

serving you’re self better wine and giving your guests crap

spending on premium cereal but only ever donating Tesco basics to the food bank

not allowing your cleaner to have the naice coffee

Jeez I was ripped apart once for saying that if my Adult DC are late additions to the family holiday and travel separately to me I won’t buy them business class tickets (if we travel together i do). I was effectively called Satan

Completely agree.
Always a race to the bottom on MN.
Her mother has form.
I cannot fathom a situation where my children would have pennys in their bank account.

I would insist on giving them sveral hundred for an emergency fund, because I can, and I would never want them stuck.

My friends would 100% feel the same.

I’m the mum of adult children who live independently.
I don’t live near enough to drop things by, but in this sort of situation I would transfer them some money.
However I would be annoyed if they bought ‘’posh’ brands, I would expect them to get as much as possible for their money.
I expect it’s buying things that are expensive/not necessary that got you into this situation.

It's not that I can't see why OP might take umbrage at this situation. It's more that I think that, in taking umbrage, it indicates there are other issues and feelings op needs to delve into that are fuelling her response to it, because, all other things being equal, getting given what you need when you can't get it yourself is a great outcome.

But picking up the very same version as OP always buys, as opposed to hunting out a version that is cheaper but hitherto unfamiliar to op and her mum, is presumably less odd?

Indeed, it might even be said she "went out of her way" to make sure OP had what she knows op uses.

@FastTurtle

no! You should be buying him caviar and wagu beef! Why aren’t you?

She didn't bring you Asda essentials orange squash, she bought you juice.

I'd just be happy I wasn't left without even if it were the squash 🤷

It’s not a “theory”, it’s a factual explanation of why different brands of the same type of product taste different. A pp somewhat facetiously asked it to be explained like they were five. So I did.

whether or not the M&S brand is “superior” depends on your definition but f superior. I would always describe freshly squeezed juice as superior to concentrate for example.

the point here however is not can the OP taste the difference, but whether the mother knows she can’t. Because unless the mother is aware that the OP cannot tell the difference or in fact prefers the cheaper brand, going out of your way to pick up cheap versions of what you’d buy for yourself is odd.

If she's going to buy you food it should be with generosity. But how did she know you needed it, did you tell her? Maybe you're both in this together?!

Well she’s had 4 more pages to return 😂😂

@Blondeshavemorefun
I said that about 4 pages back .,,

@paintbynumberss isn’t coming back

I don't think this is a case of reasonable or not. You're worried about money, and that wears you down. If you're feeling very low, then it changes how you see things. I'm exactly like this.
She might not have wanted to flout the fact she has money. She might have wanted to 'teach you' not to live above your means. I'm afraid I have no idea what she thought (and trust me, mums can come up with some pretty odd ideas)
I think I'd just have to let it go, and try not to resent her. It would be hard for me, as mine and me have history, however now she's elderly I try and just forget about the past.

But the mum HAD an instinct to help: she went and got what op would have got had she been able to.

After my mum had an operation, my sibling and I went and got her groceries. She wasn't unable to pay, but we told her not to bother anyway: we wanted to help at a time when she needed it.

BUT we actually tried quite hard to get the brands we knew she has. We were trying to do what we thought was needed. I'd be really hurt if I heard she was thinking we ought to have got her what we buy. In our case there isn't necessarily the monetary discrepancy - but that's kind of the point: it's the op who has injected that as a factor. The mum might have just been doing exactly what we did which was try to be helpful and step in. We just thought mum wanted her groceries - not ours.

Get a grip and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You’re a full grown adult, your mum doesn’t owe you fancy food (or otherwise). Be grateful and next month manage your finances better. Or go hungry for a day or two. Been there. It builds character.

If I were you and had been given products 'superior' to those I would normally buy, I would feel somewhat embarrassed - and wonder if the donor was having a subtle dig about my standard of living. Just be grateful for the kind gesture.

That situation would be rather like being treated to a meal at a much more expensive or posher venue than you would normally use. It could make you feel awkward to be on unfamiliar ground, especially if you felt obliged to return the favour later.

Why are you so short of money? Do you have a proper job?

Shes seen what you usually buy and got that. Perhaps assuming you perfer that and bought what she she thought youd want not what she would want

She was being kind! When we are adults our parents don’t have to do anything for us anymore if they don’t want to. My mum has never bought me any shopping since I’ve moved out, ever. I’d say she’s been really thoughtful here. Be grateful.

Yes that's good in theory but do you actually know that one of the M&S brands OP mentioned is superior to Asda for any of those reasons? She says she can't tell the difference.

Equating how much her DM/anyone loves OP/you with whether they buy you named brands or not seems kinda... materialistic...

This.
I also wonder how often the OP's mum does this, she describes it as such a normal thing when it really isn't.
Unless the OP is a young adult student etc

I think the reason for you having no money is important.

If poor health, especially escaping DV nobody would blame you for being in that position.

However if it is life choices, especially if you have had an affluent start to life with lots of opportunities, she must get feel that buying expensive things isn't really helpful in the long run. That it gives you no reason to try and be more independent.

It's not typical for a a grown adult to need their parent to do this. Obviously life can throw a curve balls and families help each other out,, but if you just won't get a different job/cheaper home etc I imagine she's a bit frustrated.