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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

366 replies

paintbynumberss · 30/10/2025 23:28

My mum has behaved in some hurtful ways in the past so I'm unsure if my judgement is being clouded by past experiences of her.

I had £1.21 in my bank account today (pay day is tomorrow) and no food in the house so my mum kindly brought around a small bag of basics - chicken, bread, salad, juice etc - to tide me over until tomorrow. My mum is fairly well off (as in she has a couple of holidays each year, she drives a high end car bought nearly new, owns a good sized house in the countryside with no mortgage) but isn't ostentatiously so.

The juice she bought for me was Asda's own brand. I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself. It tastes the same to me, and I'm single and living alone on quite a low income. I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice. However my mum would not buy own brand juice for herself - she buys Copella or Innocent, depending on what's on offer. She is comfortable shopping at M&S for her food shop also, whereas apart from a few items here and there, M&S is out of my budget.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items that she wouldn't buy for herself? I would understand if she couldn't afford to buy two people branded juice but I know she can afford it. As I say, my point isn't branded vs own brand per say but that I feel hurt that she would buy her daughter cheaper items than she would buy for herself. I experience it as an insinuation that I'm not as worthy of the quality that she is. I don't have children yet but when I do I'd want to give them the best that I could. AIBU?

OP posts:
BananaMilkshake77 · 31/10/2025 05:18

You are being an ungrateful brat TBH

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 31/10/2025 05:17

Ilovecakey · 31/10/2025 04:57

How would buying her daughter a nice drink look like rubbing her face in it? Surely it would just look like treating her daughter?

Show quote history

What exactly do you mean by a 'nice drink'?

Here's the OP's own words:
I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself.
It tastes the same to me.
I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice.

Is the branding on the bottle really so important to you? You see it as a treat to spend more money for the same thing in a different package? Weird.

Ashersmom · 31/10/2025 05:11

YABU. Who thinks juice is a necessity for one day for a start? You really needed a bail out with nothing at all? She helped you out with food/drink that you yourself buy and you're so incensed you come online to bitch, really?

Umy15r03lcha1 · 31/10/2025 05:01

Why are you even bothering with juice, it's just sugar water. Drink water/ eat an orange.

anamynous · 31/10/2025 05:01

YABVU. Also your mum needs to be blamed equally for raising such an ungrateful and jealous child( your comment on her holiday). Why do you think she owes it to you forever?

Ilovecakey · 31/10/2025 04:57

unleashthebook · 31/10/2025 04:52

YABU. She bought you what you normally drink. There was probably also an element of “if I buy the expensive stuff, she will think I’m rubbing her face in it”.

Why are you in this sort of financial situation? Is it just down to low income/high rent or poor budgeting? I can’t imagine having my own adult dc barely surviving nearby whilst I’m living the life of riley tbh, unless it’s just down to their own poor money management.

How would buying her daughter a nice drink look like rubbing her face in it? Surely it would just look like treating her daughter?

Weirdest · 31/10/2025 04:56

Honestly I think you’re being silly.

She could afford to get you more for less by going for Asda own brand? Maybe that’s idk, more food than what she could have got for the same price elsewhere.

At the moment that food shop was all about survival and getting you enough to get you through the day, not to give you a treat of M&S buys. You’re paid now so can buy yourself M&S…

I can’t lie, I’d find it insulting if I bought someone emergency groceries and they were critical of the groceries being from Asda as opposed to M&S. Ultimately your food shop was an unexpected expense, maybe she doesn’t have the ability to pay for 2 separate households to dine with M&S that week. Plus it’s not really a special occasion where a treat from M&S might be needed, at the moment you needed practical support.

unleashthebook · 31/10/2025 04:52

YABU. She bought you what you normally drink. There was probably also an element of “if I buy the expensive stuff, she will think I’m rubbing her face in it”.

Why are you in this sort of financial situation? Is it just down to low income/high rent or poor budgeting? I can’t imagine having my own adult dc barely surviving nearby whilst I’m living the life of riley tbh, unless it’s just down to their own poor money management.

Devilrocknroller · 31/10/2025 04:47

No one else is responsible for your financial situation except you…. Get buying you food was nice and not something she had to do. Criticising the brand is awful and unreasonable. Who cares if she can afford holidays for herself and has money…. It’s her life and her money to do with as she wants? You’re an adult….

Ilovecakey · 31/10/2025 04:45

GetThatToadOutOfMyHole · 31/10/2025 00:58

I think this post sums it up perfectly and actually shows compassion and understanding rather than being scathing over someone’s financial situation. I wonder if any of these people criticising OP for needing her mums help donate to a food bank? Would you just donate the cheapest food because that’s all people struggling deserve?

I understand how OP feels. I left home very young and struggled financially, I used to sometimes ask my mum if I could take some food from her freezer that had been there for months.
My dad always complained and made me feel like a scrounger but then would pay for my sisters driving lessons and a car! He used to say he was planning on eating the microwave meal that had been there for 6 months but it would end up in the bin.

Every now and then my mum would bring me a bag of food I loved to work (I was working 60 hour weeks to support myself) from booths or M&S just so I had a few “luxury items”.
I felt embarrassed and undeserving of the food from the freezer but when my mum brought me the bags of food to work I felt like I was loved and being cared for.

I’m a bit disappointed so many people couldn’t understand why OP felt the way she did and needed to make her feel ashamed for her financial situation in a cost of living crisis.

This attitude shows what we have become in this country and it saddens me.

Show quote history

Exactly nasty people on here. I bet they don't eat and drink the cheapest own brand things!

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 31/10/2025 04:45

Ilovecakey · 31/10/2025 04:31

People keep saying she brought you thd juice you usually have, but thd mum knows she us in a tight budget so clearly buys the cheapest one she can afford. She could have brought her a nicer one

Show quote history

OP literally can't taste the difference, she said so in her first post.

deararethymountains · 31/10/2025 04:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

daisychain01 · 31/10/2025 04:37

Never let a good deed go unpunished.

Highlighta · 31/10/2025 04:36

No ways this is a geniune issue.

No-one is openly this ungrateful.

Ilovecakey · 31/10/2025 04:31

Starzinsky · 30/10/2025 23:43

She bought you what you normally have, quite considerate she noticed the type you usually choose, and really ungrateful of you to complain. Maybe next time she should just leave you to stave to avoid the risk of offending you.

People keep saying she brought you thd juice you usually have, but thd mum knows she us in a tight budget so clearly buys the cheapest one she can afford. She could have brought her a nicer one

Tourmalines · 31/10/2025 04:27

Jesus, entitled much ? You said when she buys her own two different varieties of juice she looks what’s on OFFER before she picks one , so that means she’s quite a thrifty shopper for herself .She also bought you bread ,chicken ,and salad. She also knows that you buy own brand juice because you like it . Gratitude called, it wants its basic human decency back.

Citygrl7 · 31/10/2025 04:24

Just to clarify: it’s not about the brand, it’s about what’s behind it. I get where OP is coming from.

Citygrl7 · 31/10/2025 04:22

I’m frankly horrified at all of these replies. OP, you’re fully normal for feeling that, if your mum buys higher end for herself , that it’s slightly askew she’d buy lesser for you. Given that you explained there’s a history there. That part of it is what you need to look into. I’m biased because I had an amazing (albeit totally enmeshed mother) that would virtually go hungry before she gave me the best of everything. So in my mind, that’s what mothers do - and honestly, what I would do too even for a friend: I’d buy them something nicer than I would myself. Doesn’t mean your mum doesn’t love you or care - she loves you an awful lot clearly to bring things round. But you’re fully in you’re right to feel all the feels and don’t all of these comments from others let you think otherwise x

SouthernNights59 · 31/10/2025 04:22

Your DM did something kind to help you out and all you can do is complain about brands! Honestly, the brand of juice would have been the last thing I was thinking of. Maybe try and develop some gratitude.

PardonMeNot · 31/10/2025 04:13

Good thing you didn’t enable voting on this! 🤣

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 31/10/2025 04:10

bigfacthunter · 31/10/2025 02:45

Im with you OP it’s weird! If she only shops in M&S but for you went out of her way to go to Asda she’s definitely making a conscious decision to not get you anything too nice. Like If my child needed some groceries I’d just pick them up when I was getting my own... I wouldn’t be angry obviously but it would make me suspect that she might have some beef with me that I’m not aware of yet.

And what if you didn't need to buy your own groceries on that same day your kid needed some in a hurry?

When I buy food for my son I go to the supermarket closest to him. If that's not good enough, he's welcome to decline in future.

Arregaithel · 31/10/2025 03:49

Just when, as parents, do we not go above and beyond for our children?

Who hasn't surprised them with an extra wee shop whilst they're struggling at uni. And not just the basics/essentials ranges either, including a few wee "luxuries"!

I suspect @paintbynumberss that this wasn't too much of a surprise, sadly.

So no, you are definitely not being unreasonable to be hurt, all those posters castigating you, can just gtf, imho ofc 😊

HeartyViper · 31/10/2025 03:38

OP, get a grip of yourself.

Your mum has bought things she noticed you buy, and you’re here whining because it’s not the correct high end brand?

How about, gratitude and self reflection.

I’ve been in your situation in the past, in that, I had run out of money at the end of the month, and I sure as hell was so grateful for any help received - it wouldn’t have occurred to me to complain about brands.
Also, juice is not essential. Your mum tried to do a nice thing, and you’re being sulky and ungrateful.

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 31/10/2025 03:07

YABU

bigfacthunter · 31/10/2025 02:45

Im with you OP it’s weird! If she only shops in M&S but for you went out of her way to go to Asda she’s definitely making a conscious decision to not get you anything too nice. Like If my child needed some groceries I’d just pick them up when I was getting my own... I wouldn’t be angry obviously but it would make me suspect that she might have some beef with me that I’m not aware of yet.