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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items than she would buy for herself

366 replies

paintbynumberss · 30/10/2025 23:28

My mum has behaved in some hurtful ways in the past so I'm unsure if my judgement is being clouded by past experiences of her.

I had £1.21 in my bank account today (pay day is tomorrow) and no food in the house so my mum kindly brought around a small bag of basics - chicken, bread, salad, juice etc - to tide me over until tomorrow. My mum is fairly well off (as in she has a couple of holidays each year, she drives a high end car bought nearly new, owns a good sized house in the countryside with no mortgage) but isn't ostentatiously so.

The juice she bought for me was Asda's own brand. I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself. It tastes the same to me, and I'm single and living alone on quite a low income. I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice. However my mum would not buy own brand juice for herself - she buys Copella or Innocent, depending on what's on offer. She is comfortable shopping at M&S for her food shop also, whereas apart from a few items here and there, M&S is out of my budget.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that my mum bought me cheaper items that she wouldn't buy for herself? I would understand if she couldn't afford to buy two people branded juice but I know she can afford it. As I say, my point isn't branded vs own brand per say but that I feel hurt that she would buy her daughter cheaper items than she would buy for herself. I experience it as an insinuation that I'm not as worthy of the quality that she is. I don't have children yet but when I do I'd want to give them the best that I could. AIBU?

OP posts:
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Tourmalines · 09/11/2025 22:58

Very vague indeed . Anyway , learn to budget .

CleverButScatty · 09/11/2025 22:08

paintbynumberss · 09/11/2025 18:29

Hi @CleverButScatty, yes, as I said, I had a few unexpected essential expenses this last month.

Very vague....

Poppyseeds79 · 09/11/2025 20:24

paintbynumberss · 09/11/2025 18:29

Hi @CleverButScatty, yes, as I said, I had a few unexpected essential expenses this last month.

It's difficult when we don't have a financial buffer (I don't either). However, I also no longer have my Mum around to bail me out so I just have to budget better/or suck it up.

You still sound whiny that the free groceries you received aren't good enough in your eyes.

paintbynumberss · 09/11/2025 18:29

CleverButScatty · 09/11/2025 08:44

You haven't given any explanation whatsoever about why you are needing your mum to buy food for you. The cost of living crisis is affecting everyone, not just you.

Are you living beyond your means in some way? Was there a one off emergency this month? It's quite relevant really.

Hi @CleverButScatty, yes, as I said, I had a few unexpected essential expenses this last month.

OP posts:
CleverButScatty · 09/11/2025 08:44

paintbynumberss · 02/11/2025 18:10

I wasn't going to come back, because some of the responses have been quite rude. However, I would like to clarify a couple of things:

I do have a "proper" job @Yelrab. I'm a manager in the public sector, and I'm doing really well to have the job that I do at such a young age. I'm not spending being my means and I'm not making excessive purchases. Unfortunately being single and the cost of living is such that I'm having to live pay cheque to pay cheque at the minute and I had a few unexpected essential expenses this month. I am responsible and wise with my finances but as we all know, unfortunately sometimes unforeseen things come up.

My mum doesn't know what brands I use or prefer. I would understand if she was buying me what I like, but she wasn't.

You haven't given any explanation whatsoever about why you are needing your mum to buy food for you. The cost of living crisis is affecting everyone, not just you.

Are you living beyond your means in some way? Was there a one off emergency this month? It's quite relevant really.

Tanjamaltija · 03/11/2025 12:51

Many of us do not get help from our parents or in-laws. However, if she had bought you high-end stuff you'd probably say she was showing you up. Never expect anything, so you will be grateful with what comes...

Ilovecakey · 03/11/2025 07:25

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 31/10/2025 05:17

What exactly do you mean by a 'nice drink'?

Here's the OP's own words:
I'm perfectly happy with own brand, it's what I buy for myself.
It tastes the same to me.
I don't see the point of spending more than you have to on juice.

Is the branding on the bottle really so important to you? You see it as a treat to spend more money for the same thing in a different package? Weird.

Yes often the more expensive things are nicer or else why would anyone ever by it? Everyone would surely by the lowest price food and drinks if they were no different.

Tourmalines · 02/11/2025 23:57

Complaining about cheap juice while your mother helps you and you flaunt her life online is peak entitlement and ingratitude.

iamnotalemon · 02/11/2025 21:46

iamnotalemon · 02/11/2025 19:11

I can see why he hasn’t learn how to budget himself if he’s had these many handouts. Particularly at 40!

In that case, my apologies - a different scenario.

2GreatFatSquirrels · 02/11/2025 21:35

Sorry OP but you’re being a brat. She spent her money helping you (and you are an adult) and you’re whining that she didn’t buy you the best stuff? It smacks a bit of ‘no good deed goes unpunished’.

I’d assume this is part of a wider pattern of hurt or else you’re being a really ungrateful person.

Skybluepinky · 02/11/2025 20:15

She bought you food as you haven’t managed your money so you can’t afford to yourself, don’t moan lots would have to go without. She doesn’t have to spend her money on you.

Hi158 · 02/11/2025 20:11

Let's face it, pay day is tomorrow, you would not have starved without food for a day. Your mum brought you chicken and other stuff, count yourself lucky and stop whining.

Kingsleadhat · 02/11/2025 19:38

Does she bail you out very often? I ask because one of my sons frequently needs help with topping up his shopping so I go for own brands or offers because otherwise it gets very expensive

Arrrrrrragghhh · 02/11/2025 19:33

I get you Op.
My mum frequently buys me lovely bits "just because". And she's not well off.

She would get me at least as good as she gets in this situation. Or be apologetic, with me telling her it was fine.

FastTurtle · 02/11/2025 19:24

iamnotalemon · 02/11/2025 19:11

I can see why he hasn’t learn how to budget himself if he’s had these many handouts. Particularly at 40!

I look on it as support rather than handouts, support that he needs due to his learning disabilities.

Senso · 02/11/2025 19:23

@paintbynumberss

I wonder if the real issue is that you feel that your DM giving you “lesser” goods is effectively giving the message that you are lesser than her

iamnotalemon · 02/11/2025 19:11

FastTurtle · 31/10/2025 17:17

I don’t budget for my own food, tbh I haven’t looked at the price of my own food in years. I do however want to help my DS and I decided how to do this is set a budget and buy as much food that he likes from that amount of money. I have done a lot of thinking about how to help, how I wanted to do this and what I was prepared to do/provide. This feels the right decision to me and I don’t think there is any right or wrong way to help adult DC.

I also help my DS in so many other ways , such as filling in forms, helping him manage his money and giving him money, regular lunches out, twice a week meet ups, I bought him a flat too. Sometimes I do find it exhausting as he’s almost 40 and I do worry about what will happen after I die.

It would be interesting to hear from the DM of the original poster.

I can see why he hasn’t learn how to budget himself if he’s had these many handouts. Particularly at 40!

Sockdays · 02/11/2025 19:06

FastTurtle · 02/11/2025 17:04

Every month or every so often?

If the OP is living month to month, I would absolutely want her to have an emergency fund.

I had a child living 15 minutes away from me in another part of the city, immediately after finishing university.
I would pass that way and would drop in treats like his favourite food, favourite fresh pastries etc.

Why wouldn't I, I'm his mother.
I wouldn't buy cheap crap I wouldn't eat myself, thats for sure.

Cherrysoup · 02/11/2025 18:58

Should she have brought round oysters? Cristal? Beluga?

TeddySchnauzer · 02/11/2025 18:53

Ignore the faux ignorance in these replies OP, I know exactly what you mean. My ex-best friend of many years, used to buy herself the fanciest bread/food items and then buy her child and DH Asda smartprice! It always used to baffle me if I was ever there when she was using these items as sure enough, every time it was the cheap shit for DH & DD and the finest luxuries for herself. Finances with her DH are split 50/50 so it’s not a case of her being the breadwinner, she’s just always been the type of person to put herself first, even before her own child. I was around a lot when her DD was a baby to help as she was a single parent and I frequently had to buy things for baby which she hadn’t.
My point is, people like this are usually the same in every aspect of their lives. Have you ever noticed this sort of thing previously ie: growing up?

JHound · 02/11/2025 18:41

You sound ungrateful.

She is doing you a favour - why would she spend more than necessary to do you a favour above and beyond what she spends on herself. You pocket watching her is weird.

Seajaye · 02/11/2025 18:40

Yes you are unreasonable and overthinking it. Your mum was kind without acting superior or overindulgent or overly critical. My mum would never have helped me out like that. I would have got a lecture on how to budget and live within my means instead. Be thankful.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/11/2025 18:16

When I was a kid, my mum used to use Stork Superblend (cheap baking margarine) to make my sandwiches for my school packed lunch, but always had Lurpak on her sandwiches at lunchtime, so I understand why you feel the way you do, @paintbynumberss.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 02/11/2025 18:14

She wasn't buying what you like but she brought you want you like....

paintbynumberss · 02/11/2025 18:10

I wasn't going to come back, because some of the responses have been quite rude. However, I would like to clarify a couple of things:

I do have a "proper" job @Yelrab. I'm a manager in the public sector, and I'm doing really well to have the job that I do at such a young age. I'm not spending being my means and I'm not making excessive purchases. Unfortunately being single and the cost of living is such that I'm having to live pay cheque to pay cheque at the minute and I had a few unexpected essential expenses this month. I am responsible and wise with my finances but as we all know, unfortunately sometimes unforeseen things come up.

My mum doesn't know what brands I use or prefer. I would understand if she was buying me what I like, but she wasn't.

OP posts: