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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you would feel if you found out a family member was buying second hand Christmas presents for your children?

145 replies

ChristmasDilemma3 · 30/10/2025 21:13

It’s a long story but the short of it is we have multiple children under 10 in the family. They all believe in the magic of Christmas still and get spoilt rotten by us all. It’s great fun and I love seeing the joy in their faces when they open their gifts.

But because they get so much, they don’t really respect the value of what they get. I spent so much last year. I got one of the girls a beautiful doll. Within a week all of the accessories were lost and the hair had been cut off.

Next year I’ve got the opportunity to go on two trips that are trips I’ve wanted to go on for a long, long time. But it means almost all of my disposable income is going into savings. Part of this means cutting back on gifts. I’ve been scouring vinted and found some absolute bargains. I found a chad valley toy bundle for £11 all in which would’ve cost me £20 brand new, plus delivery etc.

Of what’s arrived so far, it’s all perfect. You’d not know it was second hand. I’m only buying new with tags from smoke free homes, and if anything comes that’s not of good enough quality to be gifted, I’ll sell it on or donate it.

How would you feel if you found out a family member was doing this?

YABU - I’d be annoyed, Christmas is about the kids and you should be spending more on them than a holiday

YANBU - it’s the thought that counts and they’ll never know the difference

OP posts:
Imabitbusyatthemoment · 01/11/2025 10:56

I would be in full support of this and do the same for my own children. Makes no sense to buy something new when you can extend the life of something. So much better for the planet and feels so wasteful to pay a premium for new.

Needmorelego · 01/11/2025 09:51

ConnieHeart · 01/11/2025 09:25

I wouldn't turn ny nose up at it as that's rude but I'd think they'd completely wasted their £15 and would put it on Vinted asap

Edited
Show quote history

Exactly. It's only a bargain if the gift receiver is into bags.

Wizardonabroom · 01/11/2025 09:34

I have 3 DCs and the more I use Vinted, the more I realise just how much stuff is in existence and probably being thrown in to landfill as well. I have made Christmas lists but honestly was considering posting/sharing links to Vinted as there are so many baby outfits that are available on there for a fraction of the price and I feel better for not buying new. However, my in-laws are unlikely to want to buy second hand!

ConnieHeart · 01/11/2025 09:25

llizzie · 31/10/2025 19:37

There is nothing wrong in giving presents you know the recipient will like whether it is new or not.

I have already bought some of my gifts on eBay. You cannot tell from new or used. There are charity shops in London and other posh areas who are given so many things. They list them as pre-owned and new. The pre-owned items rarely have any sign that they are not new.

Charity shops in affluent areas also want to attract local buyers, and they wouldn't sell rubbishy goods.

If there is something in a charity shop which is acceptable, why not buy it as a Christmas gift? The ones I have bought are absolute bargains which I could never have afforded, and they turned out to be new. Imagine a real leather Italian cross body purse for £15?

Would anyone turn their nose up at that?

Show quote history

I wouldn't turn ny nose up at it as that's rude but I'd think they'd completely wasted their £15 and would put it on Vinted asap

JayJayj · 01/11/2025 08:58

My sister got my daughter a 2nd hand wooden ice cream cart last year and she loves it. I have bought my daughter several 2nd hand items for her birthday and Christmas. It really doesn’t bother me. As long as it’s in decent condition.

gasert · 31/10/2025 23:05

I love this thread! Yes, I often buy second hand gifts, especially for children.

Needmorelego · 31/10/2025 22:51

llizzie · 31/10/2025 22:39

I like to think I consider carefully what I give to someone. I am not always right though. The person the cross body is for is not a vegan, if that is what you are thinking of.

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No I was just thinking more of whether they actually would want a random bag 😂

llizzie · 31/10/2025 22:39

Needmorelego · 31/10/2025 19:42

Does that person want an real leather Italian purse though?
It's only a bargain if they really want it.

Show quote history

I like to think I consider carefully what I give to someone. I am not always right though. The person the cross body is for is not a vegan, if that is what you are thinking of.

kennycat · 31/10/2025 20:58

i’d be delighted and wish everyone would do this more. the world simply does not need any more mugs/ornaments/whatever to be made. there are already enough in circulation!!

Dontlletmedownbruce · 31/10/2025 20:12

I would prefer it to be honest if it was in perfect condition. I hate waste and too much plastic and packaging so I like to see things reused. I often bought second hand for my own children

GinPin2 · 31/10/2025 20:08

Absolutely okay . I did for my daughters and do for my grandchildren.
My eldest daughter for her first Christmas received a doll from us that I bought at a jumble sale. I cleaned the doll up, repaired her and made clothes for her.
We named her Tuppence for a reason ! 🤣 1983 so she was really 2p

BellaTrixLeStrange1 · 31/10/2025 19:51

You are not being unreasonable, and this is totally ok!

Chinsupmeloves · 31/10/2025 19:48

We always get plenty of second hand things, even consoles etc. Makes no difference whatsoever to them when young but it does to the purse strings with all the other costs. Xx

Needmorelego · 31/10/2025 19:42

llizzie · 31/10/2025 19:37

There is nothing wrong in giving presents you know the recipient will like whether it is new or not.

I have already bought some of my gifts on eBay. You cannot tell from new or used. There are charity shops in London and other posh areas who are given so many things. They list them as pre-owned and new. The pre-owned items rarely have any sign that they are not new.

Charity shops in affluent areas also want to attract local buyers, and they wouldn't sell rubbishy goods.

If there is something in a charity shop which is acceptable, why not buy it as a Christmas gift? The ones I have bought are absolute bargains which I could never have afforded, and they turned out to be new. Imagine a real leather Italian cross body purse for £15?

Would anyone turn their nose up at that?

Show quote history

Does that person want an real leather Italian purse though?
It's only a bargain if they really want it.

llizzie · 31/10/2025 19:37

ChristmasDilemma3 · 30/10/2025 21:23

Everything is all brand new. Another example is a Barbie themed toy. £25 in the shops but I got it for £4 on vinted! It just feels like things have got more and more expensive and I just can’t keep up anymore.

i think gift vouchers would be appropriate in the future, but the youngest is 2, so I don’t think he’d quite understand why he’s not got a present.

There is nothing wrong in giving presents you know the recipient will like whether it is new or not.

I have already bought some of my gifts on eBay. You cannot tell from new or used. There are charity shops in London and other posh areas who are given so many things. They list them as pre-owned and new. The pre-owned items rarely have any sign that they are not new.

Charity shops in affluent areas also want to attract local buyers, and they wouldn't sell rubbishy goods.

If there is something in a charity shop which is acceptable, why not buy it as a Christmas gift? The ones I have bought are absolute bargains which I could never have afforded, and they turned out to be new. Imagine a real leather Italian cross body purse for £15?

Would anyone turn their nose up at that?

Keha · 31/10/2025 19:32

In my extended family people regularly get things from vinted, FB marketplace etc and are open about it. Therefore it would be considered fine to get things as presents and sometimes I've sent links for things I've seen on Facebook to family members when they've asked for present ideas for the kids. In general, so much better for the environment. However I think there are some circumstances where I probably wouldn't do it, for example getting something for a secret Santa at work. I think might depend on what you know about the person you are buying it for.

nutbrownhare15 · 31/10/2025 19:17

I'd be pleased as it means less waste and expense

Stressedmummyof4 · 31/10/2025 19:12

I always have bought as much second hand as possible at Christmas, since my 16 year old was a baby. Places like charity shops at Christmas are gold mines, people clear out toys that are more of less brand new, I’ve had dolls houses, bikes and much more. My kids are all teenagers now and I feel that by doing what I have and being honest about it in later years they value money so much more now. They all have a limit of £250 each for choice presents and then I normally spend a few quid more on a surprise but I’m talking under £30. They seek a lot of their stuff by them selves from places like Vinted, eBay and gumtree. I sell loads on Vinted so just save my balance up until birthdays and Christmas and use that. A pair of sports joggers long can be upwards of £40 from the shop which would mean they would hardly get anything for their money by doing it this way they can have quite a bundle on Christmas mornings. My kids understand that money doesn’t come easy. My mums spotted a few things in these places too and I’ve bought her for Christmas she’s over the moon and gets a fair bit for her Christmas doing it this way too. I’d say go ahead it’s much smarter than blowing £1000’s and then having to live hand to mouth for the rest of the year!

Merryoldgoat · 31/10/2025 19:00

One of my husbands uncles sends the boys book tokens and one of our favourite trips over the Christmas break is our trip to Waterstones to spend them and then coffee and cake. £10 book token would be fab but I also have zero issue with second hand gifts either.

sunflowersblooming · 31/10/2025 18:57

I sometimes bought second hand for my nieces and nephews but I always discussed it with their parents first. Was normally stuff like Lego sets.

ColdWaterDipper · 31/10/2025 18:56

It wouldn’t bother me at all, but then I buy some second hand toys & clothes for my children for birthdays and Christmas anyway. It’s environmentally friendly and it’s good for children to learn about reusing items. We are in a financial position where we never need to buy anything secondhand, so it’s completely by choice that I do so.

Ddakji · 31/10/2025 18:55

If it was clean and in good nick I couldn’t care less.

Blablibladirladada · 31/10/2025 18:53

It is fine,
already loved gifts are the best.

Needmorelego · 31/10/2025 15:40

Bournetilly · 31/10/2025 15:28

The question was about gifting second hand things to other peoples children though?

Obviously there is nothing wrong with building toys for your own children, or buying them WHATEVER you want. I’ve gifted my own children second hand used things in the past.

Surely you wouldn’t build gifts for other people’s children/ take other peoples children’s gifts out of the boxes?

Show quote history

If it's something like a bike being gifted by a grandparent then I would assume it would be put together before being given.
Not everything needs to be in a box.

RightOnTheEdge · 31/10/2025 15:33

When my kids were younger I used to buy them bundles of toys off Ebay for Christmas and birthdays and so did my mum. Things like Paw Patrol and Octonauts with lots of characters.

It's much better value and more fun for the kids to have a bundle of second hand toys than a brand new £90 tower or whatever that just includes one character I think.

I really wouldn't mind a relative doing this.