Would you expect a thank you

Yanbu people often dlnt behave the way we would expect though.

Would help to clarify what kind of friend she is?

Do you feel comfortable telling her she was rude and upset you today?

Or is she more of an acquaintance/fairweather friend?

Long term bestie that you share everything?

you have said she “didn’t bother” replying for an hour but then she did reply to say she was busy getting work sorted. It sounds like she was busy trying to sort her own arrangements out and maybe didn’t even see your message until later. It sounds like a factual reply. Thanks would have been nice but I’m not sure it sounds intentionally rude in that scenario (especially if she does have autism and is perhaps more factual generally). Either way if you only want to offer to help to get thanks and appreciation for it then don’t offer again. If you want to offer to be genuinely helpful then you perhaps just need to accept your friend as she is and presume that if she did in fact need your help then she would accept it. Also whilst she may have mentioned having offers of help from people before there is nothing to suggest she actually thanked them for it.

This.

Okay.... and??

Again, I am fully aware you was offering a favour, your additional comments doesn't change what I said. ..yes she was rude in the lack of acknowledgement.....

Unless you tell her you're offended, what else would you like her to do if she doesn't comento this realisation alone?

Ahhh mumsnet. Where having basic societal expectations is seen as being precious and needy.

Op, I had a friend who often did this. She would be in a pickle and needed money or childcare or a lift or some kind of help. I would tell her I could lend her money or take her kids etc. She always found a way to tell me she didn't need my help which involved not saying thank-you. Sometimes she would just say she didn't need it and sometimes would just ignore it. I remember once offering to lend her hundreds of pounds and she didn't even acknowledge it. When she DID take me up on my offer, she didn't say thank you. I did babysit for her three times and each time she didn't say thank-you. On her birthday or Chrostmas I would hand her the gift and she would smile and say 'oh lovely'...but never a thank you. She would get out of the car if you gave her a lift and say 'bye, see you next week'. She never ever said thank-you. The joke is that she often talks about her impeccable manners, and to my amusement told us, incredulously, that someone accused her of being rude. She literally said 'ME!!!! You all know what a stickler I am for good manners!'

We have been friends since school and she has got better as time has gone on, but I definitely have suspected that she is on the spectrum for a very long time. In her mind she IS a veryammerly person. I don't go out of my way to offer her help and I prepare myself that she won't say thank you when I do. I stopped agreeing to babysit for her when her child was young but didn't have the communication skills to tell her why at the time. It's a shame as I loved kids and was happy to do it until I felt like I was being used.

Saying thank you is an act designed to please the other person. I say thank you for allammer of things that I'm not even grateful for, such as when the girl in the shop hands me my receipt or when someone gives me 5p change that I'm entitled to anyway. It's a thing we do for other people so they feel valued and respected. Saying thank you should be a reflex every time someone gives you something, offers something or does something for you. To me it's so weird to not thank someone for offering to help but OP I would try not to take it too personally. It's not normal to ignore an offer of help like that and so she probably does that to everyone. Don't take it to heart.

She’s annoyed you?
It would be interesting to know what she actually replied to you because you mention she says something about work which could be why she didn’t say much?

Yes.... just because you would react a certain way in the same emergency does not mean someone else would.

Well done for offering your services and being polite.... people will not always react and respond the way you would like or expect.

Its up to you to decide how to respond in that situation... you can ignore, challenge her or don't offer again.

She is rude. ASC/Asd is no excuse - the first response when someone if offering to do something for you is to say thankyou. We all need to learn this, not make excuses.
its completely reasonable to use the word ick - this is someone who you see as a friend, who has behaved in a way that doesn’t correspond with your values.
and yes some of the responses on this post really underline why society is so atomised, and it seems no one knows how to behave any more.

I was going to say it was rude but then you mention autism. In that case I'd not hold it against her.

Someone said autism is no excuse but there are varying levels of how people with autism function, no two people are the same.

Disagree.. I might be a lot of things, but def not a wanker because I didn't say thank you to someone once during an emergency lol (in this example)

Ok.... you seem to be taking it awfully personally.

Again, not dismissing the interaction, on the surface she was rude, however if I am in the middle of a crisis or respond in haste, i can pften come across rude or blunt.

I sometime have to "catch" myelf and rewrite emails to appear softer and polite.

But if it's really problematic for you, just don't offer again and protect your peace.

@knowingmekniwingyou You made a really kind offer and you should've received a "thank you" in words at the very least. Anyone who make excuses otherwise is a wanker. I would be so grateful if a friend offered to do this for me.

I didn’t remotely suggest that OP’s offer was intrusive. Nor did I prescribe any kind of value judgement to the use of “unsolicited” as you seem to have done; it literally just means ‘not asked for’.

So yes, factually I still stand by what I said. Perhaps OP’s friend didn’t see the need to thank her for something that she neither asked for nor needed to take her up on. If she’d accepted the help, then thanks would obviously be due.

I just think the importance of acknowledging your offer just simply doesn't rank as highly as yours.

Sure she sounds rude in this riny interaction you've shared, I'm also inclined to give the benefit of the doubt, it clearly doesn't seem a deliberate slight if you're still chatting this evening.

For you, maybe an exercise in managing your own expectations on how others should react or respond.

If you don't like her reaction, don't offer in future.

Really not sure why you keep referencing her statements about "building a village"

Are you fully aware what ‘the ick’ means?

Could it be that she was just busy when she read your message and quickly replied without much thought?

She could, yes. And if she came on here and said "should I say thank you for the offer" I would say yes.

But I also think that holding this against her is out of proportion to such an incredibly minor lapse.