to be struggling with my toddler?

Everytime I see one of these threads the child is 14-16m

With a properly fitting carrier, it won’t hurt no matter the weight of a child. Check your local sling library for insight into toddler carriers.

DS was like this. He’s 3.5 now and still very much a mummy’s boy, but things have improved vastly over the last six months or so. I sympathise - I found the stage from about 5-18 months pretty torturous because he wanted constant interaction and was loudly miserable if left to his own devices, but wasn’t mobile/capable enough to really do much, so I was losing the plot trying to find ways to keep him entertained!

It’s not much help when you’re in the thick of it, I know, but it will get better, I promise.

DD was a bit like this 14-18 months. At 18m she went to a childminder one day a week. No idea if it was coincidence or just a developmental shift that got her playing independently. If you're not working, is there money in the budget for a couple of short days in childcare? It was so relentless.

YANBU at all to be finding it stressful, it sounds awful. I think you just have to try to prioritise time for yourself during his naptime and evenings as far as is possible so that you feel rested and less touched out, keep taking him out of the house so that there are lots of other people and distractions around for him, and keep telling yourself that it is a phase and it will pass. You're doing everything right, and he will gradually learn to separate a bit more from you.

@Magicalmrsmoy Get him a sibling 😜.
I'm half joking but the most efficient way to get our eldest to "unglue" was to give him a little sister to play with! They're 18 months apart and now they're glued to each other instead, it's great for us!

Be warned this come with another set of frustrations, like the constant bickering and the exponential increase in stupid ideas they can come up with whilst playing...

(edited because I quoted the wrong post - this was more in response to the next message that said something along the lines of "why do you think this bothers you...")

I don't necessarily think it has to do with misplaced feelings of distress (although personally I don't agree with that anyway). Some people are more affected by noise than others and to have to listen to that daily might drive someone to distraction whilst someone else would barely bat an eyelid. People are different.

I dunno, it might just be more about the natural instincts of a parent - you hear crying (which can often sound like real pain or terror when it's not at all) or see a tiny child that seems distressed and it's hard not to feel that there really is something wrong with them and you're being a crap neglectful parent if you can't make it stop. It can be very hard to shake that feeling. Sometimes you have to accept that babies and toddlers are going to wail at nothing much sometimes (some more than others, obviously) and you have to learn to just let it wash over you sometimes, or you'd never get anything else done. But it's hard to learn to do that and not feel stressed by it.

My youngest has always needed me within arms reach and would quite happily crawl back under my skin if he could. My biggest saviour was wraps and carriers - just having him close but on my back meant I still had time and energy for my older one.

I think that’s what it is these days . Too much media . Mothers are confused unfortunately.

Why do you think that is? Have you absorbed a message that not giving in to every demand from a child is abusive / cruel / neglectful?

You've got to stop being scared of the tantrums. Put him in his playpen, get your tea or lunch or whatever, eat it across the room, talk to him nicely but don't go back to picking him up until you're ready. Toddlers do "go ballistic" sometimes - it's just how they are. Demonstrate kindly but firmly that you're not going to let it rule your life. Even if it takes a long time for it to tail off...well, you got a break (and your lunch).

@Gmary22i have 2 of the exact same children. My 9yo is largely still the same but much better.

My 3yo is intense. Dh and I joke about her being my stalker. She is obsessed with me. Mimics everything I do and say.
But she is incredibly advanced and only well and truly engaged with something if it’s very stimulating. You’re right about those kids who sits around like blobs, or play for ‘hours’ with one random toy. My kids would never.

I feel your situation. One of mine was just like that. It will pass, you will get through it!

Mine is 22 months but doesn’t have many words - so I think it’s just his personality! He won’t even watch TV unless I sit next to him - “sit down” is one of the few phrases he can say 😂

My daughter was/is like this. Full on, no breaks, demanding constant interaction. I wonder if he's bright, my daughter is talking in full sentences at 23 months and I often wonder if this is why she was so full on. I think they get better as they get older and can play more independently, but I remember the struggle. All my friends babies and toddlers seems to sit around like blobs while they managed to get on with things, not mine! I know its against the rules but the only way I get a breakis by putting the TV on for her. It doesnt seem to have affected her development as shes wel ahead for her age, and sometimes have to get some cooking or houseworks done....

People with easygoing babies and toddlers just dont understand, they have no concept of how full on it is so dont listen to people making stupid suggestions like he like he needs to be held more 🙄.

I am so sorry if I missed the point of what it
he is really like. Of course it is much easier to dish out advice than face the reality myself. I so hope you can get help.