Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that cheating doesn’t always make you the bad guy?

145 replies

RegretfulJaneDoe · 30/10/2025 11:08

Sometimes you’re trapped, lonely, emotionally neglected. People want clean villains and heroes but real life is messier than that.

OP posts:
Pleasegetmeacoffeesotired · 30/10/2025 11:40

Swiftasthewind · 30/10/2025 11:36

If a woman I know cheats on her partner/husband I just automatically assume she is justified in doing so. If men have a problem with that, they can be try being better partners 🤷‍♀️

Why don't they just leave their partners, if they're so crap?

GreyCarpet · 30/10/2025 11:39

Cheating is wrong.

If you're not happy, fix it or leave. Bit don't draw someone else into your mess.

Lyra87 · 30/10/2025 11:38

noidea69 · 30/10/2025 11:25

Let me guess, the podcast has women on who have cheated, and they explain how it was their husbands fault that they cheated?

Imagine guys churning out a podcast like that.

It is mostly women as guests yea, but a couple of men as well. Not sure why you're making it a gendered issue and assuming it's a men bashing podcast (it's not).

DiscoBob · 30/10/2025 11:37

JLou08 · 30/10/2025 11:18

Two rights don't make a wrong. Cheating is wrong, even if the reasons are understandable. If someone assaulted someone who was goading them, the assaulter is still wrong.

I think you mean two wrongs don't make a right?

EveryMeandEveryYou · 30/10/2025 11:37

Cheating is not having the balls to break up and deliberately hurting and deceiving someone you have committed to. No excuse for that.

Swiftasthewind · 30/10/2025 11:36

RegretfulJaneDoe · 30/10/2025 11:08

Sometimes you’re trapped, lonely, emotionally neglected. People want clean villains and heroes but real life is messier than that.

If a woman I know cheats on her partner/husband I just automatically assume she is justified in doing so. If men have a problem with that, they can be try being better partners 🤷‍♀️

DingDongJingle · 30/10/2025 11:34

If you feel the way you outline in your OP then leave your relationship before beginning another one.

Hoppinggreen · 30/10/2025 11:33

Endofyear · 30/10/2025 11:28

I agree - one of my best friends had an affair. She was trapped in a marriage with a horrible cold controlling man and was utterly miserable. She met someone kind and caring and that gave her the impetus to leave finally. She had tried so hard to make the marriage work for so long and her husband was vile. She's still with her new partner many years later and her life is happy and peaceful. I don't judge her. Unless you've been in that situation and desperately unhappy, you've no idea.

My Father was awful and my Mum met a man that finally encouraged her to divorce him, they were together happily for over 20 years until she died.
I still think she was wrong to cheat and he was wrong to pursue woman who was married

Octavia64 · 30/10/2025 11:30

Yes it does.

the other person(s) may also be a bad guy of course.

Endofyear · 30/10/2025 11:28

I agree - one of my best friends had an affair. She was trapped in a marriage with a horrible cold controlling man and was utterly miserable. She met someone kind and caring and that gave her the impetus to leave finally. She had tried so hard to make the marriage work for so long and her husband was vile. She's still with her new partner many years later and her life is happy and peaceful. I don't judge her. Unless you've been in that situation and desperately unhappy, you've no idea.

Hoppinggreen · 30/10/2025 11:26

RegretfulJaneDoe · 30/10/2025 11:08

Sometimes you’re trapped, lonely, emotionally neglected. People want clean villains and heroes but real life is messier than that.

Cheating is wrong, end of.

noidea69 · 30/10/2025 11:25

Lyra87 · 30/10/2025 11:21

There's an interesting podcast called The Affair, by Anna Williamson. It actually delves into this topic. I started listening to it a couple of months ago and I find it fascinating, as some of the stories are heartbreaking and others where there's a bit of a grey area. From my point of view I think some affairs are not straightforward black and white 'cheater is bad person'. However I imagine there's a lot of people who cheat just because they can.

Let me guess, the podcast has women on who have cheated, and they explain how it was their husbands fault that they cheated?

Imagine guys churning out a podcast like that.

Pleasegetmeacoffeesotired · 30/10/2025 11:22

If you're trapped, lonely and emotionally neglected, then leave them or work on your relationship. HTH.

Lyra87 · 30/10/2025 11:21

There's an interesting podcast called The Affair, by Anna Williamson. It actually delves into this topic. I started listening to it a couple of months ago and I find it fascinating, as some of the stories are heartbreaking and others where there's a bit of a grey area. From my point of view I think some affairs are not straightforward black and white 'cheater is bad person'. However I imagine there's a lot of people who cheat just because they can.

Gingernaut · 30/10/2025 11:19

Cheating is always wrong

End the relationship if it's so bad you're considering an affair

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 30/10/2025 11:19

You leave the relationship before getting involved with someone else. Cheating always makes you the guy

JLou08 · 30/10/2025 11:18

Two rights don't make a wrong. Cheating is wrong, even if the reasons are understandable. If someone assaulted someone who was goading them, the assaulter is still wrong.

YetiRosetti · 30/10/2025 11:17

Sometimes cheating can be a response to poor treatment from a partner, but generally speaking it is a horrible shitty selfish thing to do.

HoskinsChoice · 30/10/2025 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Zigzagmug · 30/10/2025 11:13

I agree life isn't black and white. I think cheating is also a bad thing to do, but everyone does bad things from time to time, and I don't know why this one is so much worse than the others.

I think there are serial cheaters who are terrible people, but I also think there are good people who make bad decisions, often whilst trying keep everyone happy.

Swipe left for the next trending thread