AIBU to be angry at DH over insults used

He’s 16, not a ‘little boy’.

oh FFS…. You sound like a geriatric. Kids in the past were regularly whipped and beaten. Is that what we should return to?

Yeah, sure. It’s only the bad west that has children with any kind of independent thinking 🤣

silly name calling in the middle of arguments…. But your DH with his reaction has lost any hope of claiming the higher ground. I doubt your DS respects him

Of course, there were never any little shits in the past, all little angels because their parents were arseholes 🙄 you live in cloud cuckoo land

It's really sad that people think it is inevitable your 16 year old will have a stand up row with you. Parenting standards and competence has really slipped over the generations.

I have 5 kids between 6 and 19. 3 step kids between 12 and 23. I've raised kids into adulthood. Most of the world do not condone their children arguing with them. It's only this far West that it happens.

Oh dear.

Yes. I understand that in some cultures, children are raised to believe they are on par with adults and will tell their mum to fuck off if she annoys them, but that isnt my culture. A lot of our comedy is based on these key differences in parenting styles though.

3 grown up boys and we have had insults like this thrown around, it's usually just a heat of the moment thing. Depends what son did and what context it was used.

DH once called one of them a retard, not serious, they were joking about, because he was acting daft (it was years ago) and he went to school and called his friends brother a retard for dancing around, who actually had a learning disability. He didn't know what it meant. I got hauled into the school, had to explain, had to apologise to the parent who was also my friend. It was very embarrassing. I went mental with DH. DH was always careful after that.

How old are your kids?

Yes I do. My kids dont believe they are equal to their parents or other older family members so would not find it appropriate to stand up and "argue" with us. They respect authority. They understand that they are children and the adults around them ultimately make the rules and they have to follow them. We don't make kids think they have as much authority as adults and have them standing in our face giving us what for.

Are you quite well?

And that's why we have the kids we have today. No respect isn't "earned" by a child. Making children think they can be disrespectful until they deem an adult worthy of respect is why we have the little shits we have today.

This wasn't some random adult either, it was his father. If you are not teaching your children that their parents need to be minded, then you are essentially not parenting. You're living with your young mates until they can get their own place.

He shouldn't be "arguing" with his dad. End of story.

Ah, you’re on the wind up. I’ll leave you to it 👍

Ah. I can see you don’t have kids. At least, I hope you don’t.

What was the initial argument about?

Is DH his father?

I absolutely would not accept this behaviour.

My children are adults. Did I let them argue with me at aged 3 - absolutely not. Did I let them argue with me at 16? Of course. You did say parents but your implication is they shouldn’t argue with people more senior than them and you reference this in heirachy. I lead a large team at work and we have an environment of healthy challenge and conflict where people can disagree because it’s not always the most senior person in the room who’s right.

Good grief. I couldn't disagree with you more but I see there's no point arguing. No one deserves respect because they're older or have more 'authority'. Respect is earned. And it isn't earned by calling your kid a psychopath and threatening violence

Back to the question op asked. Nobody would threaten my children with violence in my earshot and get away with it.

No, i didn't say to all their elders. I said to their parents. If you run a home letting your kids think they can just stand up and argue with you, then good for you. We teach kids to respect hierarchy and authority around here. We want them to be productive, employable human beings.

Agency doesnt mean going back and forth with your parent. As a child, you accept your parent's decision and move on. No arguing. This is the problem with young people today. They'll argue and argue as they have rights, all the way to not going to school, doing fuck all in the house and calling their mum a bitch while she slaves away after them.

No the child should never be in an argument with their parent. They were arguing and this led to the insult. If the child understood he is a child and needs to accept what his father has said, there would be no argument and therefore no insult. This started because a little boy thought he has equal say to his father.

Young people have a right to agency. And not all parents are right. Some are downright manipulative and abusive.