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Original poster

AIBU to be angry at DH over insults used

91 replies

OnePunnyKoala · 30/10/2025 05:56

DH got into an argument with DS16 over something petty and suddenly called him a "psychopath" as an insult. DS16 then got into another argument with him and said that the language he uses is unacceptable and shouldn't be used in any household. Instead of realising his mistake DH then proceeded to say I will have to start whipping you with a belt. What should I do? Is this common behaviour or completely unacceptable?

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 30/10/2025 08:28

@MyWorthyDenimFinch

Yes I do. My kids dont believe they are equal to their parents or other older family members so would not find it appropriate to stand up and "argue" with us. They respect authority. They understand that they are children and the adults around them ultimately make the rules and they have to follow them

Good grief your home sounds like North Korea. Most people don’t live like this and that’s not a bad thing.

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:23

popcornandpotatoes · 30/10/2025 08:21

Where did Op say anyone was screaming in faces?

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Didn't say the OP did. I have just had this conversation with parents before. The idea that having any authority over your children is oppressing them is a pervasive one in certain families.

popcornandpotatoes · 30/10/2025 08:21

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:15

Your children respecting you isn't ridiculous in most of the world. It's a shame we have so many adults who believe they need to let their children scream their opinions in their face to have raised them to be independent.

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Where did Op say anyone was screaming in faces?

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:15

popcornandpotatoes · 30/10/2025 08:13

Good grief you're ridiculous. It's a miracle we've got anyone with a job in this country at all!

So pleased I've never had to work in a job where I 'submit' to someone.

Edited
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Your children respecting you isn't ridiculous in most of the world. It's a shame we have so many adults who believe they need to let their children scream their opinions in their face to have raised them to be independent.

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:14

popcornandpotatoes · 30/10/2025 08:12

You are being absolutely ridiculous. There is a world of difference between not allowing your kids to argue with you and being an 'authority' and people going round calling the police cunts. Do you have no ability to see nuance? Your parenting style is unusual in this day and age, yet you believe all children who aren't raised like yours are disrespectful and calling police officers cunts? Btw I wasn't raised like your children and I'm a successful adult who's managed to not get myself arrested yet. why have you hijacked ops thread with your archaic nonsense?

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I haven't hijacked anything. The OP said her son was arguing with his dad. My natural question is why the child would think it is okay to be in an argument with their dad. I think it starts from there: a child believing they have the right to go back and forth with their parent

popcornandpotatoes · 30/10/2025 08:13

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:11

This is the thing you don't get. It isnt about whether the child thinks it is right or wrong, it is about the child understanding that they have to submit to their parent's opinion on the matter. Even if they think it is wrong.

This is important because sometimes children don't understand why something is right. They don't have the expeience and knowledge to comprehend why some thiimgs are right or wrong. That is why they need an authority figure who tells them what is right or wrong. Ideally that person is trustworthy, fair and loving.

If they think that they don't have to Obey their parent or other adults unless they agree with their decision, you end up with a little shit. An unemployable little shit at that.

Good grief you're ridiculous. It's a miracle we've got anyone with a job in this country at all!

So pleased I've never had to work in a job where I 'submit' to someone.

thisishowloween · 30/10/2025 08:13

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:11

This is the thing you don't get. It isnt about whether the child thinks it is right or wrong, it is about the child understanding that they have to submit to their parent's opinion on the matter. Even if they think it is wrong.

This is important because sometimes children don't understand why something is right. They don't have the expeience and knowledge to comprehend why some thiimgs are right or wrong. That is why they need an authority figure who tells them what is right or wrong. Ideally that person is trustworthy, fair and loving.

If they think that they don't have to Obey their parent or other adults unless they agree with their decision, you end up with a little shit. An unemployable little shit at that.

Why would you want your children to submit to someone - ever Confused

popcornandpotatoes · 30/10/2025 08:12

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:05

Okay..keep tellimg your kids that. Let's see what lovely people they grow into.

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You are being absolutely ridiculous. There is a world of difference between not allowing your kids to argue with you and being an 'authority' and people going round calling the police cunts. Do you have no ability to see nuance? Your parenting style is unusual in this day and age, yet you believe all children who aren't raised like yours are disrespectful and calling police officers cunts? Btw I wasn't raised like your children and I'm a successful adult who's managed to not get myself arrested yet. why have you hijacked ops thread with your archaic nonsense?

thisishowloween · 30/10/2025 08:11

oviraptor21 · 30/10/2025 08:08

No it's not. But it is perfectly possible to have a relationship with your children that doesn’t involve this. I'll wager that in OP's case, the DH is modelling behaviour that the children pick up on.

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I don’t disagree that the 16yo has probably learnt by example, but I also think it’s standard for teenagers to rebel, assert their independence and get it wrong occasionally.

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:11

This is the thing you don't get. It isnt about whether the child thinks it is right or wrong, it is about the child understanding that they have to submit to their parent's opinion on the matter. Even if they think it is wrong.

This is important because sometimes children don't understand why something is right. They don't have the expeience and knowledge to comprehend why some thiimgs are right or wrong. That is why they need an authority figure who tells them what is right or wrong. Ideally that person is trustworthy, fair and loving.

If they think that they don't have to Obey their parent or other adults unless they agree with their decision, you end up with a little shit. An unemployable little shit at that.

thisishowloween · 30/10/2025 08:10

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:05

Okay..keep tellimg your kids that. Let's see what lovely people they grow into.

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I don’t think they’ll be harmed by hearing the truth.

oviraptor21 · 30/10/2025 08:08

thisishowloween · 30/10/2025 07:20

This isn’t the 1950’s.

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No it's not. But it is perfectly possible to have a relationship with your children that doesn’t involve this. I'll wager that in OP's case, the DH is modelling behaviour that the children pick up on.

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:06

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 30/10/2025 08:05

If the police officer was being a cunt, I don't see the problem.

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You can not see the problem all you like. You'll still be arrested though.

DingDongJingle · 30/10/2025 08:05

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:03

You can have your own opinions and thoughts without getting into an argument with your parents. This is the problem, the parents seem to be telling the kids that unless you argue and fight with authority figures, they arent independent or autonomous. So the child actually confuses being a challenging little shit with assertiveness and intelligence.

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Why would you assume that just because someone is older than you, their opinions are to be respected? I know many, many older people with really ridiculous opinions that need challenging. Some are even on this thread.

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:05

thisishowloween · 30/10/2025 08:04

Just because it exists, doesn’t mean it’s not made up 😂

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Okay..keep tellimg your kids that. Let's see what lovely people they grow into.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 30/10/2025 08:05

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:04

Okay there isnt any hierarchy in society that one needs to acknowledge or respect. Just go out and call a police officer a cunt and nothing will happen to you.

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If the police officer was being a cunt, I don't see the problem.

thisishowloween · 30/10/2025 08:04

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:04

Okay there isnt any hierarchy in society that one needs to acknowledge or respect. Just go out and call a police officer a cunt and nothing will happen to you.

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Just because it exists, doesn’t mean it’s not made up 😂

Anditstartedagain · 30/10/2025 08:04

firstofallimadelight · 30/10/2025 07:12

It sounds like your dh is incapable of managing his son’s behaviour without resorting to threats and insults.

Sounds like DH is incapable of managing his own behaviour.

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:04

thisishowloween · 30/10/2025 08:02

Hierarchy is a load of made up bollocks.

You enjoy living in the past though - it seems to suit you well.

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Okay there isnt any hierarchy in society that one needs to acknowledge or respect. Just go out and call a police officer a cunt and nothing will happen to you.

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:03

DingDongJingle · 30/10/2025 08:00

No, I see them exactly as they are. Young people, quickly approaching adulthood, with their own independent thoughts and opinions. If you treat a 16 year old as a ‘little boy’, how is he going to cope out in the big wide world in a couple of short years?

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You can have your own opinions and thoughts without getting into an argument with your parents. This is the problem, the parents seem to be telling the kids that unless you argue and fight with authority figures, they arent independent or autonomous. So the child actually confuses being a challenging little shit with assertiveness and intelligence.

thisishowloween · 30/10/2025 08:02

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:01

If you think your child needs to disrespect authority and hierarchy in order to be independent, that is likely where they are setting off with the wrong ideas.

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Hierarchy is a load of made up bollocks.

You enjoy living in the past though - it seems to suit you well.

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:01

thisishowloween · 30/10/2025 07:57

Yeah, sure. It’s only the bad west that has children with any kind of independent thinking 🤣

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If you think your child needs to disrespect authority and hierarchy in order to be independent, that is likely where they are setting off with the wrong ideas.

DingDongJingle · 30/10/2025 08:00

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 07:59

16 year olds are little boys to me, a full grown adult. Maybe you seem as equals with you.

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No, I see them exactly as they are. Young people, quickly approaching adulthood, with their own independent thoughts and opinions. If you treat a 16 year old as a ‘little boy’, how is he going to cope out in the big wide world in a couple of short years?

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 08:00

curious79 · 30/10/2025 07:57

oh FFS…. You sound like a geriatric. Kids in the past were regularly whipped and beaten. Is that what we should return to?

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Plenty of kids were never beaten, but still knew better than to argue with their parents.

MyWorthyDenimFinch · 30/10/2025 07:59

DingDongJingle · 30/10/2025 07:58

He’s 16, not a ‘little boy’.

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16 year olds are little boys to me, a full grown adult. Maybe you seem as equals with you.