Not to invite brothers new partner and child Xmas day

I mean we had my sister in law’s partner for Christmas when we had never met him, so I would say this was unreasonable. Also, it seems unfair to base how you treat her on your past experience of people who are not her.

@Whatado inviting someone to a Christmas lunch in no way means you accept them as family. It's just basic manners and is fundamentally what Christmas is about from a Christianity perspective. My brother had a mate living with him with nowhere to go so I invited him for lunch. Didn't mean I perceived him as close family. OP says her brother is practically living with this girl and child. Not inviting them if he is invited sounds incredibly petty and judgy. I don't like the quick blending either however it's clearly happened so moralising over it isn't going to change that

It's Xmas Day, how close are you going to get in that time?

It would be rude not to invite her, there's no need to make it into a big "thing". I really don't get this weird MN idea that you have to be together for at least a year for it to become a proper relationship and before then you can't possibly do anything family related.

I don’t see why your in laws can’t come without your family coming too, I also have no issues whatsoever with inviting a ‘strange child’. It’s not about getting too close it’s just about giving a child a fun Christmas Day?

I doubt he will spend Christmas with someone he's been going out with for 4 months.

“change in circumstances means that in-laws will now be coming so therefore will invite my family too”

Why not just have the in-laws? Why must your family come too, considering originally it was going to be just the four of you? If you don’t invite your family, the brother and partner problem goes away - or you could have them separately after Christmas.

Can you not simply ask your DB what his plans are for Christmas? I have hosted a few friends of my DC at Christmas over the years, it doesn't matter whether they are people we've known well or just someone who might otherwise be spending the day alone. By Christmas your DB will have been with his gf for 6 months but even if this relationship doesn't last forever you can surely offer to spend Christmas with her.

Would you be happy if they popped in for a drink and a slice of xmas cake? I'd be ok with that but understand if you are not. But that would be the extent of all I would be comfortable with.

Are her family close by? They may already have plans so I would ask him what their plans are and go from there.

It would never even occur to me to invite a sibling’s new girlfriend or boyfriend, with or without a toddler, to Christmas, and I’d be utterly baffled if someone expected it.

How do I navigate this with DB?

You begin with an informal, spoken conversation (not text) where you ask if he's thought about his plans for Christmas. Take it from there.

We were all girlfriends of 4 months once, weren’t we. Glad they showed you kindness xx

Chat to your brother like an adult and see what his feelings are for Christmas this year.

I sit somewhere between it’s your house do what you want and also it’s awkward to say brother can come but his girlfriend and toddler are not welcome.

You maybe over thinking and your brother might already have plans to spend Christmas at home as a 3.

Me personally I wouldn’t purposely go out of my way to leave a girlfriend and 2 year old out but I appreciate everyone has their reasonings

I was the new girlfriend with the DC one Christmas and I was made to feel welcome by my now DH’s of 30 years family, I will always remember their kindness.

Girlfriend of 4 months is not a partner. Chances of them even being together at Christmas? Or will he have a new ‘partner’ by then?

I wouldn’t invite your family at all, tbh. Explain that you hosted last year, so this year you’re only having ILs for (insert reason). Your parents and brother can decide between themselves what to do.

If you don't want to host, then don't! Why do you now have to have your in laws? Why does that mean you have to have your parents, and your brother and his family?!

DM thinks I'm being unreasonable and it's wrong to exclude them from an invite, she also hasn't met the child.

Then she can host. People who sling their opinions around about what should happen, should do it all at their house.

Honestly, I would step away from the lot of it and cook for the 4 of you!

Just don't invite any of them. You can't really invite only one and not the other, but I also understand that hosting a 2 year old might change the dynamic at fair bit if you were looking for a quiet christmas.

I would not want a 2 year old at my house full stop.

What I don't understand is grown.Adults who ve been old enough to get married, have children.Divorce and find new partners all have to get together for christmas.Every single year. Why can't you just have christmases in your own homes with your own families?And maybe someone hosts the parents every other year.

Why can't your brother have christmas with his partner and her child. He's not seeing his own children.So maybe it would be nice to spend it with his girlfriend. Maybe their relationship will last?Maybe it won't.

It really isnt.

Especially when he has a history of relationships involving partners with kids plus his own. Its incredibly unhealthy for fake family set ups to be rolled out and all the kids including his own to keep witnessing and then re adapting.

No four months and different sets of kids involved is far too soon for blended type family Christmas day. Especially since this isn't the first blended type relationship he has had.

You barely know each other and they could be split up by January.

If it was next Christmas I would say it would be somewhat unreasonable.

Invite him, if he asks tell him the truth and its in his hands to decide how he wants to spend the day.

Surely if they are in a new relationship with a very young child they will want to spend Christmas as a unit together in their own home.

I certainly don't see why you should feel obliged to ask them to your home, especially when you hadn't been expecting to host anyone this year.

If nothing else I don't see how a 2 year old could enjoy Christmas in a stranger's home. She should be free to play and open her presents with people she knows

Could you invite them for drinks/games in the evening or something? That might work for them and also sit better with your brother? I'd honestly invite a stranger to my house for xmas if they had nowhere else to go. I find all the strange child" distasteful.