Not to invite brothers new partner and child Xmas day

My husband and I were engaged by 4 months in and have now been happily married for 8 years. The people in the relationship determine how serious it is. When you know, you know.

Well, you can deal with his partner this Christmas or you can deal with starting off on the wrong foot with someone who could be his long term partner for many years. If you begin by telling him he's not welcome to bring her this year, don't expect either of them to feel like it's all blown over by next year. Your call.

Sorry OP for me Christmas isn’t a time for exclusion and the definition of the more the merrier.

Why wouldn’t you support your brother and kindly ask him to invite someone important to him? Why wouldn’t you you want to exclude him (I read your post it isn’t a good enough reason for me).

I would really dislike it if my sister felt that that if I were in his shoes. IMO YABU

Personally, if my sibling had a new partner and they had a child, I;d want to meet them and see how it is all going.

I am not sure it is fair to invite him without her or to invite her without the child.

All or nothing for me, don’t invite him without them. But if they’re still together at Christmas it will be six months.

I wouldn't invite the partner and child personally. It's only been four months

@Tiswa - that's perfect.

I think it would be unfair to the DC to foist a bunch of unknown people on them on Xmas day. The kid should be having fun, feeling comfortable. As should everyone else, not minding their sherry glasses! I think if DB's g/f accepted an invitation, I'd feel a bit poorly of her for not putting her own DC first, if that makes sense.

Just say to your brother if he is on his own for Christmas he knows he has a place at the table at yours

I think you should be honest and say you don’t want this woman . Her and her kids aren’t welcome.

Then your brother knows who you are and so will she 🫣

Then you hope for the best 👌

So you all think a child should spend christmas with the family of her mother's boyfriend of 6 months? Strangers basically.

I don't think that child should even KNOW the boyfriend of 6 months (well 4 months right now)

Yeah I'd invite them - not my problem and the more the merrier but seriously ... that poor kid.

Christmas is just one day, it’s really no big deal. If she comes with her kid it’s a bit disruptive but doesn’t really matter?

If they live together (which they shouldn't be, given that the GF has a child) then she gets invited too. If they don't then she doesn't. "Practically living together" wouldn't count if they each have their own places.

Oh and your brother doesn't have a "new partner" of 4 months. He has been dating a woman for 4 months.

Again I feel for her child.

I'd invite everyone. Because it isn't my problem.

But your brother has a new girlfriend and you think he will want her and her child to spend christmas with his family.

4 months in he shouldn't even have met her child. Still less be playing big happy families. Poor kid.

I agree

See, this in its turn baffles me. I don't say that to be argumentative or critical - I absolutely respect your right to restrict Xmas invitations to family/long-standing partners only, and I am of course familiar with this approach.

But have you genuinely never come across the practice of inviting people you know less well? Not seen people mention this on-line, or seen it depicted in films or novels, etc? Because it's honestly not that unusual, I don't think, as to provoke utter bafflement.

I have even heard of some good people inviting strangers from their neighbour they don't know at all, when they find out these people will be on their own.

And if people will sit down with total strangers, surely inviting a sibling's partner of a few months, isn't that much of a stretch, that you would be staggered to even hear of it as a possibility?

I suppose it does depend on what you view as "new" - most people I agree wouldn't invite some guy or girl their sibling had swiped right on the night before on Tinder.

But a partner of 6 months (as it will be by then?). I have certainly been invited before by the family of a boyfriend (I probably wouldn't use "partner" for myself at that point - no disrespect to those who do) of that sort of vintage. I don't think its that weird or unheard of - it's well-known, surely, that different people celebrate Xmas differently and take different approaches to the guest list?

OP obviously has to do what she feels comfortable with at the end of the day - but I am not sure it's fair to say that either option would be bafflingly strange.

Four months is WAY too soon for a young child to be spending Christmas with - or even meeting - his parent's partner's family!!! Why not ask your bro what his plans are; if he's decent at all he probably hasn't even met his partner's children and perhaps doesn't even expect to see her - let alone them - over Christmas. He's likely made other plans if Christmas is a big deal to him, but why not invite him (explaining why it's relatively late notice) and see what he says?

They aren’t in a relationship at 4 months they are still dating!

You're not obliged to host anyone for anything if you don't want to.

Is there a chance they might invite you and your family to theirs?

Another one who doesn’t understand why you have to host:

a) your in-laws, but if you do, that doesn’t means you have to include
b) your family, but if so, that doesn’t have to include
c) your brother or
d) his girlfriend of 4 months and her kids

It’s ridiculous. You didn’t want to host anyone and did it all last year. How dare any family member get pissy about who you should host. Is your mum/brother/brother’s girlfriend gonna host you? Course not! Don’t be a mug. Draw the line and prioritise what you want for once.

Ask your brother what his plans are and that if he hasn’t got any, and is on his own he’s welcome to come round to yours. He presumably will want to see his kids and his partner may have plans of her own. So he could be doing rounds.

Quite possibly he is sorted anyway, so you may be worrying unnecessarily.

I am not judging you for your misgivings. I am a shy person myself and rarely find it easy to relax among strangers.

However, you are lucky to have the chance to spend Xmas with family you love. It would clearly make your DM happy if her son was there too - and that MAY necessitate inviting the new partner and child.

I would suck this up and do it, for the sake of DM and DB. Though I would secretly be hoping the partner had made her own plans..

For what it's worth, I have never actively regretted inviting someone for Xmas. There are times I have regretted not inviting someone, and later finding out they spent it on their own.

DExH and I had a friend who took his own life shortly after Xmas one year. He had spent it alone, and though none of us knew that, we should have realised - we made false assumptions.

That very much changed my view of Xmas invitations. I now make them much more readily. I'd rather have a slightly awkward, less than ideal day, than live to regret not inviting someone (for any reason).

She'll be a girlfriend of 6 months by Christmas.

I don't understand your rationale for not including them OP, can you explain further?

You're uncomfortable around little kids you don't know very well?
Is it an issue of cost?
Are you a bit judgy about your brother's relationship history and trying to make a point about him bringing him into the 'family' too early?

Be honest about your motivations as that will change the advice, I think.

Invite them all.