Not to invite brothers new partner and child Xmas day

Well I was a young divorced woman with a DS many years ago. My boyfriend ( now DH for decades) myself & son were invited to DH’s family Christmas. (New relationship).
I didn’t know them & vice versa. They were welcoming, kind & bought us gifts. This cemented a great relationship over the years.
It’s beyond me why anyone would not be welcoming to children at Christmas.
We all have a choice, I’m happy with mine & grateful DH family welcomed me 30 plus years ago.
OP wants to know if she’s being unreasonable, I’m simply giving my opinion that she is.

But this child is a strange child, the OP doesn’t know them.

For many people Christmas with toddlers around is not fun, I didn’t love it when mine were that little it just felt like same shit different day. We don’t go to BIL’s at Christmas because he has very young DC and the expectation is that he and his wife will sit and enjoy their Christmas while everyone else runs about and entertains the children. Been there and done it with my own and no desire to repeat it unless my own DC decide to have children.

Personally I wouldn't invite the gf. It twists the dynamics having a stranger round the dinner table at Christmas.

I think you asking him what his plan is works. Is he not seeing his other dc due to access issues? 6 kids besides the new gf’s 2?! I don’t think I’d want a 2 year old at mine, like pp have said. It would totally traumatise my pets. How old is the next dc up going to be? Maybe the gf wants to stay at home/is seeing her family.

Op your looking at this like an investment ,ie your thinking due to his last record it's likely we won't see her again or her child so why waate the time and effort and I do understand that aspect.

However it's one day and look on it like yes ..you may never see her again but this is your good deed to welcome someone in . It's surprising with a two year old that she hasn't got her own family to go to.

Going against the grain on page one I think it would be a nice gesture
I can't imagine how awful and vulnerable it would feel to be a single parent to a toddler without incredible family support and tons of money.

It's a nice gesture there will be lots of people there so it's not like it will be too intense.

Do the kind turn but perhaps explain to brother you weren't sure etc so he does r take it for granted

They've only been together 4 months, Im surprised he's met the children already, let alone be spending christmas together.

Exactly this.
So many judgemental uncaring posters.
As for calling a 2yr old ‘ some random strange child’…..
You’re certainly not the sister I would want. Luckily our family has always invited any ‘random’ person who would benefit from being with others at Christmas.
However, I totally understand that in 2025 thinking of others is not allowed, only me, me, me now.

8 children by 5 partners ? Is this how some people live nowadays ? What a mess!
I’d invite your brother and the child tbh. Two more won’t make much of a difference. And buy a little gift for the toddler.

Also your brother should make more of an effort with his own children instead of playing happy families with someone else’s .

I agree completely. Christmas is one day when I'd always welcome anyone who didn't have a place to go.

I wouldn't even consider asking my brother. It sounds too messy for me. You have your own children and you have to put them first.

Well I think if you ask your brother and he would like to come and also he would like it if she could come ,which would obviously include her two year-old cause I mean where is that child gonna go ,then I would be quite happy to accommodate them . I will see as I’m doing it for my brother because I care about him .

Me too. I went for lunch and myself and partner went back to my home in the evening, That was 45 yrs ago and I have always had some form of open house at Christmas and we have had many unexpected guests over the years

I think it’s really telling that someone would invite family for Christmas but exclude someone’s girlfriend because they’re not ready to meet them. It shows what kind of person they are. I’ve had christmases where it’s the first time I’ve met someone’s partner - it’s not a problem! Where’s your Christmas spirit?

@thesurreymum why not just arrange to see them soon and get to know the new partner better? I understand the wariness in introducing children to new partners family too soon but at two they’re hardly likely to understand all that.

As you said, they may not even want to come but I can’t imagine wanting to exclude them based on pre judgement rather than being kind, supportive and welcoming. I don’t think it reflects well on you to be honest.

I’ve got used over the years to, in the nicest possible way, randoms, at Christmas. Mostly from my dhs side of the family, his son is a serial (lovely) monogamist, so have had various of his girlfrienda and their kids over as well as his exes relatives…. Basically I’ve just gone with it. In your case I’d invite them all.

I was responding to FastTurtles post. That sometimes happens in threads. Just like you are responding to mine. HTH.

You are being incredibly judgemental and rude by not inviting them. Why on earth would it be uncomfortable?

You're not being very kind.

My son comes to Christmas each year and usually brings his current girlfriend. I welcome them with open arms. They may or may not be my future daughter in law but anyone he brings will always be made very welcome.

This.

4 months (especially with kids) is nuts. I wasn’t invited to spend Christmas with DH’s family when we had been dating for 4 months!

@thesurreymum just because you’re hosting some family, doesn’t mean you need to host all—why does in-laws coming mean that you now must invite all of your family, their girlfriends, and their girlfriends’ toddlers?

He should not have even met this child yet. There is no way she should be attending larger family events.

you also face the problem of gift opening. It’s not fair to children to have to sit through watching other children open nice presents while they are given some sort of token gift. A new child probably isn’t going to be included fully in the family gift exchange so an invite is going to be problematic.

How is having some people over for lunch getting 'involved in more hassles'?

There's a lot of women on here who want to gatekeep their siblings' relationships now that they're married themselves. I wonder how they'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot and their spouses were unwelcome.

I don't see it as my place to police my family members' relationships even if I don't always agree with their decisions.