AIBU to be extremely frustrated with SEN childs school?

Apply for DLA if you haven't already done so. Your county council Money Advice Unit can help.you with that application and any appeal.

I forgot to say, I'd fight for a specialist setting for your child now.

You will need private reports because the LA and NHS reports won't be worth the paper they're written on!

As a parent of two kids with SEND, based on my own experience, if the mainstream primary school are being like this now, they're not likely to get any better. That's even with an EHCP.

If they can't be bothered or don't want to help, then they won't. Sometimes it's because the teachers get bugger all and/or shit training from the LA. Often it's because they make the judgement that they know what a neurodivergent child looks like and your child doesn't fit the bill. They then conclude that the behaviour is 'naughty' or you're over anxious.

I'm shocked but not really surprised that your child's teacher had no idea of their needs.

This is not your fault or your child's fault. This school will chip away at your child's self esteem.

Mainstream primary school broke both of my children and their needs weren't as bad as your child's needs sound.

My gut instinct was to move my eldest by the beginning of KS2 but I didn't because they'd finally made a few friends. I really regret that now.

It got so bad that one of my kids was sat in the classroom in a catatonic state, rocking backwards and forwards. It's taken them years to recover.

It ended up that both of my kids stopped coping and they missed a few years of school each while we fought for a specialist school. They're both academically able kids so we were always told that they didn't 'need' a special school. They did though and now they're both doing really well and attending every day because they're being properly supported.

So, ask a local charity for support with the EHCP process (not SENDIAS - They're trained by the LA). Try, as others suggested IPSEA, SOS:SEN or Sunshine Support.

SOS:SEN sell two fantastic booklets for £5 each that explains the EHCP process and the appeal process. They'll be worth their weight in gold!

Unfortunately, I wouldn't trust a word the LA says about the EHCP process. It's common for them to spin you a line. School's do the same. They will try to kick it down the kerb to save money.

Common incorrect excuses for not applying for an EHCP are:

We need X cycles of Plan, Do, Assess, Review first.
Your child is too academically able.
Your child doesn't need an EHCP.
Your child isn't 'bad enough' to get one.

Read those booklets and upskill yourself on the law. The organisations I've recommended all do good courses.

Good luck!

That message in the WhatsApp group was really brave of you, and I'm sure has provided other parents with some context.
Sounds like you are getting the ball rolling with school senco and doing all you can.

Remember that social and emotional skills can still develop over time even with SEN. Your son will still get older and change and grow, just on his own path.

The problem is the lack of communication from the school to you regarding incidents involving your child, and from the SENCO to your child’s teacher so they direct support. Meet with the head?

OP, be gentle with yourself. This is a hard path to tread and you are still learning how it all works and of course you will feel overwhelming and complex emotions. Dp and I have found it takes time to feel true acceptance of the situation and even now ten years on we still have moments of occasional shame, even through we totally value dc for who they are.

The head needs to put a comms out about this along the lines of 'if you have any concerns regarding your child's day at school, please contact your child's teacher or myself' - the parents shouldn't be messaging you directly, it's the schools role to monitor behaviour whilst he is there

If entry to school is challenging due to it being busy, can they explore him starting earlier or later?

Schools are really struggling, their high needs block funding has been cut by this government, so there is only funding for significant support if a child has an ehcp. Try and agree a plan with them of realistic actions, with review dates.

Sounds like they aren't very understanding. Hopefully he will settle soon. 🤞

Has he been put on the waiting list for an assessment? Are they going for an EHCP? My son is four soon and he is on the waiting list for an assessment (probably years!) so if your child isn't then that needs to be done. My son is a lot less verbal than yours so I am already concerned about school. If you don't want to leave the group maybe mute it?

Listening Ear link which I really recommend

Op my heart goes out to you as I’ve been here and it’s hard. I would suggest calling the helpline of charity IPSEA or SOSSEN, who will be able to guide you on submitting a request for an EHCP. Help is much easier to get through this route.

Contact a Family is a brilliant charity with a helpline and they have a “listening ear” session you can book, which has really helped me.

Try to remember that with the right support he will likely manage much better and that these reactions from other parents are because they don’t understand how these behaviours are linked to SEND.

I have a DC with SEN. Leave the parents WhatsApp group. For your own mental wellbeing you don’t need to hear other parents’ complaints about your child - let them advocate for their child’s needs to the school, you don’t need to deal with them directly. Focus on your DC.

Ask for a meeting with the senco and the headteacher about school are (or aren’t) supporting your child and actioning what they have promised.

It’s not just as easy as that. There aren’t staff hanging about. Funding is hugely necessary in securing support but it’s not clear from the OP whether the child has an EHCP or is receiving funding, such as SENIF.

Don’t get into discussions with the parents.

Im sorry but it doesn’t sound like the school are helping you. All you can do is have your sons back.

Social stories need doing daily over months. Everytime a situation arises. So they are not a quick fix or answer for everything.

He needs a echp. You can do one yourself if school says no.

Support him obviously.

If this is mainstream I would be tempted to say to the parents that he is autistic and finding it difficult and that the school is dealing with it.

Did the teacher say this behaviour is actually happening or are you just hearing from other parents?