To think the saying 'you lose them how you got them' is 100% correct?

I had two serious relationships that ended with them cheating. They both eventually did the same to the new partners. That is just my experience, and there will be exceptions, but I do think ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’.

How I got him: fell in love aged 18. Married. 3 kids. A lifetime of adventures together.

How I lost him: He left me for a woman who lives near the golf course.

💁

I suppose your thingy would apply if he then leaves her for another woman who lives near some sort of sports facility. Still wouldn't really apply to me though...

People are not robots that are programmed to do everything the same, so no i do not think people are that predictable and I really find people that announce ''this scenario is 100% exactly the way every single man or women will do something'' shows an incredibly narrow view on the world, do you honestly think everyone is the same, really?

I was going to say this. If the man feels he has upgraded then he will make more of an effort to keep the new woman happy and keep her in general. A lot of men end up fathering kids or getting married to the woman that happens to be in their life at the time who pushes for these things without them being ‘the one’.

When they discover someone they perceive to be ‘the one’ it holds more significance for them, particularly if they are unhappy or dissatisfied with the daily grind.
(a lot of men also like to rewrite history and pretend to themselves they had no agency whatsoever and went along with the above scenarios bc they were forced into it and were never happy 🙄)

They offer them a ‘way out’ so the new woman is also viewed to be a saviour type.

@TaylorNation1998I don’t mind you asking but not sure my answer is very interesting!
I don’t know really? He is very doting still (after 17 years!) and his love for me feels very safe & secure.
There’s that theory that in a male/female relationship, it works best if the man loves the woman a bit more than she loves him?
That’s definitely how you’d describe us, I do love him very much but I think we’d both say he loved me more!

I'm not an idiot though and have watched so many friends go through hell, sometimes with partners who I thought were 100% reliable!

I don’t think it’s an inevitability. The happiest couple I know got together via an affair. It’s been 14 years now and they’re still like love sick teenagers.

My dh left his long term girlfriend to be with me. While I appreciate none of us know what the future holds, he’s still besotted with me and I feel very secure with him.

Long term girlfriend as in not engaged to be married ? How many years is long term ? Are you now engaged or married @towhoknowswhere ?
I think it is quite common for men to string along a woman who is adequate for their needs until they think they can get someone 'better' ? If they marry 'better' quickly then they, the woman, is usually on fairly safe ground, if the man has just upgraded 'adequate' they shouldn't be as confident.

Never heard that expression before and no, I don't believe it.

My FIL left my MIL and married the OW. From what I can see, he remained faithful to her until the day he died some 16 years later.

No. It’s as cheesy as fuck. So is the ‘Karma’ myth. Still waiting for my Karma nearly 30 years later 🙄

No.

I abhor adultery and think people who engage in it are total cowards.

But I do know at least two relationships that are now a couple of decades old that started off as affairs.

I dunno, I only know of one relationship where the man left his wife for another woman after an affair (one of my uncles). Classic story, he was her boss, she was over a decade younger than him and they had an affair which led to him leaving his wife. Nobody thought it would last but it did, he and the OW are married with kids and seem very happy over 20 years later. I suppose it’s possible he will cheat at some point in the future but I certainly don’t think it’s definite.

To be honest, the people I know who cheated and left their partner for, are still together.

My dh left his long term girlfriend to be with me. While I appreciate none of us know what the future holds, he’s still besotted with me and I feel very secure with him.

I agree it’s the sort of thing folk say to cheer a friend up who’s partner has left!

No, I know people who have got together this way and stayed together.

It's more likely that someone who has cheated once will cheat again, but definitely not 100%.

It does of course indicate they they are capable of great deceit, disloyalty, selfishness and prioritising themselves over and above loved ones. These qualities are likely to show themselves again, in other ways if not through a second affair/infidelity.

Lots of people have cheated and are still with their affair partner.

Absolutely. See also 'karma'.

I think that’s wishful thinking.

There’s definitely some guys who are serial cheats like Boris Johnson and only stop once they age out, so I can see where the theory has come from.

I think it's more common than not in my experience but not a certainty.

Best indication of future behaviour is past behaviour. So yes, someone who has cheated once is more likely than a non-cheater to cheat again. But there are ofcourse exceptions that confirms the rule.

I've known a few couples who are still going strong after a decade+, the longest lasting ones I knew of were 32 years together after his affair with her, and he died still absolutely worshipping her.

However I have been known to say such things to people when they have been cheated on because its just one of those cliche things you say probably to make yourself feel better and useful rather than to help the other person tbh.

I know a couple of serial adulterers if that's what you mean. Both cheated on their first wives with my friends (younger and childless) and have now cheated on and left them for younger childless women

Nope, I'm afraid it's an old trope rolled out to make people feel better.

I know couples that have got together in similar circumstances who have been happy for 25 years + (when the originally marriage was a lot less).

While we're at it, karma doesn't exist either.

Inevitable? No.

But I do think that if someone is willing to cheat once, it’s less of a leap to cheat twice.