New bf saying he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday

It’s not controlling to express a preference. He’s not stopping anyone going to the gym.

I wouldn’t want to date a man who went to the gym everyday either.

Likewise, I wouldn’t want to date a man who followed a football team week in, week out, home and away. Or a man who spent 16 hours a day at work.

This is not true. Men do not go from happy and relaxed to telling you you can’t go out overnight. Control is complex and layered and takes many forms.

No, he isn’t. The OP didn’t say that at all

Because he’s warning her she can’t go to the gym every day.

Women have said they wont go out with a man that goes or plays football regularly how is that any different?

I wouldn’t want a partner who did this. I think it is fine to express that - was it directly aimed at you?

What does he mean though?

I go most days but I'm only there an hour. How can anyone have an issue with that? How much time does he spend training for his marathons? How is it vain?

Obviously if a bloke said he wouldn't date someone who goes to the gym everyday to me, then it would be a none starter. I'd wish him well and go the other way.

All of them? Do you think all daily gym-goers have the same personality? 🤔

It doesn't sound controlling. More like he has a bad perception of people who go to the gym every day. I've heard women say the same.

Because I don't like going away on holidays myself and if I'm with someone who wants to be going away all the time we can't really compromise on it. Better to date people similar to myself.

I don't mind the odd weekend away to attend a specific event but I'm not a fan of spending weeks away from home.

I wouldn’t call it controlling in itself, but he does sound judgy and narrow-minded if he thinks going to the gym every day means a person is vain. Plenty of us need to exercise daily for our mental health- nothing to do with vanity. I’m wondering if he is one of those men who thinks women only go to the gym to show off and get attention from men. If so, I wouldn’t want anything to do with a man like that.

He sees staying fit as vain and I wouldn't have time for someone with that mindset.

I row and do Pilates at home but I go swim and sauna and do some classes. Physical fitness is an important part of a healthy lifestyle and his views wouldn't be compatible with mine.

Or is he insecure and afraid a woman might meet gym bros?

I wouldn't date someone that wants to be off on several holidays a year.

that's absolutely your choice, I just can't work out why that would be an issue, unless he specifically wanted me out of all his holidays 😂

I wouldn’t at it’s a red flag, just a sign that you’re not compatible. Better to find out after three months than three years.

I wouldn't date someone who goes to the gym every day.

I wouldn't date someone that wants to be off on several holidays a year.

I wouldn't date someone who likes to go to the pub in the evening.

We are all allowed to date people who fit out own lifestyles and try and find someone who matches. He's not entitled to try and control what you do however, and you should leave him if he does. But he is allowed preferences.

It's not controlling and I agree with him. Gym every day people are boring af.

Not controlling. I find it vain also so I'd be the same.
I do understand people going through phases of it to lose weight but in general excessive focus on appearance and self is a big turn-off.

It doesn’t sound controlling more as others have pointed out a compatability issue.
Fine for him to have a preference.
it’s probably not going to end well in the long run.
I do some sort of exercise activity pretty much every day. Because I have dh and 3 (mostly grown up) dc now it’s easier to fit in.
I also try and do the ones I can early in the morning so it doesn’t impact others, 7am both days so it doesn’t cut into time we could be doing fun weekend stuff.

It could be a compatibility issue.
Complaining that it's vain is a bit of a concern; there are many healthy reasons to want to workout frequently.

Really it depends on how much it intrudes upon life. If it's 30-45 mins dropping in as part of a commute, that's far less intrustive than coming home and driving off for a lengthy session.

I think it's a perfectly reasonable preference.

I wouldn't like to be with someone who went to the gym every day because it smacks of obsession with their fitness and body. I would find that unattractive.

In fact I would be wary of anybody who was obsessive about a hobby.

It sounds as though you and he may not be compatible.

I wouldn’t date a man who went to the gym every day- I would find it excessive. But that’s a personal option, someone else may love it.

I don’t blame him, I wouldn’t either! Each to their own?

How is it controlling?. I'll be honest I wouldn't want to date someone who goes to the gym everyday because I'd assume they are a fitness bore who's whole personality would be gym & fitness. I would imagine they wouldn't be keen on getting a takeaway or having a few beers.and would judge those who did.

He goes for runs, participates in half marathons so it’s a bit odd

From that perspective, if he's reasonably sporty, it's a bit of a weird comment.

I wouldn't seriously date someone who doesn't do some kind of sport at least 4 days a week, and doesn't do any "extra" out of work - hobby, studying, whatever they like.

I understand some are not bothered.

I would just ask him if going for a run 5 days a week would be fine (even if it's not ideal in term of training) and it there's any reason why "the gym" is the issue

I wouldn't, either. It's a preference. People are allowed them. Unless he's telling you that you can't go, it's not controlling. And if he gets controlling, you leave.