New bf saying he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday

I wouldn't date a guy who went to the gym everyday. I find it tedious.

@TheZanyZebraPresumably because they use the bathroom and a light to get dressed, or are noisy, or similar.

I wouldn't date someone who goes to bed at 9 or 10pm every evening, because that affects ME and our ability to do things together, but how is 5am affecting you? That's weird.
As long as they let me sleep, I don't care 😁

What, for any reason? I would get up at 5 .50 for work if it wasn't the gym! Would work also be a no no ? I guess if you're a light sleeper and don't want to be disrupted !

What he means is he doesn’t like extremely vain women who feel they should go to the gym every day ?

I wouldn’t date someone who gets up at 5am every day

I think it depends on how much it effects the relationship especially if kids become a part of the equation.

it's 30-45 mins dropping in as part of a commute, that's far less intrustive than coming home and driving off for a lengthy session

Agree.

It could be yes, it could be. He is setting his expectations for you. Depending on your dynamic you may now feel that you are not going to be free to decide how often you go to the gym in future if with him.

Whether we think it’s ok for someone to have a daily fitness hobby or whether this can be reasonable within a relationship as opposed to when single, or not, is a separate issue and contextual to a degree. There are times it may be fine and times it could be negatively impactful.

What stands out here is that he has a blanket position on this and it would apply to what you like doing but not what he likes doing.. Time consuming is probably true but excessive vain are his opinions - training for a marathon could be seen as time consuming excessive and also as vain if there is sponsorship and medals and personal bests and fancy kit involved lol.

Could it be that your interests and needs will always be seen as less ‘important’ than his? That he will undermine your choices and preferences with negative words which could really apply just as easily to his choice of exercise.

Frequent exercise is really healthy and (with an argument for a rest day if you’re working out intensely) daily exercise is great for physical and mental health. I do a mixture of running, swimming, gym classes and weights in the gym. I do know that some people perceive the gym specifically as being somehow more about vanity than other forms of exercise (I don’t think this is the case unless it’s obsessive weight lifting with steroids or something, but it definitely exists as a viewpoint). Is it the gym specifically that he objects to or daily exercise? If it’s the former, he may have a misconception about how most people use gyms, which is for physical and mental health. Dedicating an hour or so most days to exercise is a real positive as long as it’s not significantly driven by vanity alone (but then the person would be vain in other ways too and it wouldn’t just be a ‘gym’ issue).

I’m kind of with him on the daily gym thing. I think its borderline obsessive and indicates that it’s going to take up a huge amount of time.

I wouldn’t necessarily rule someone out on that basis though and it seems overly prescriptive.

Not everyone who goes to the gym is obsessed by their appearance. There are any many reasons why people are gym goers.

Saying he has a preference is not controlling. Telling guy how many times a week you can go, is.

@ShesTheAlbatross Gyms are open all day long. Some people go early in the morning before their family/partner get up. Some go in the evenings. Some go in the daytime because they work shifts or PT.

It’s not controlling, it’s a reasonable preference. I wouldn’t date someone who went to the gym every day.

Well he has been honest, its up to you now.....

He is a new boyfriend so you are still presumably figuring out if you are compatible for a long term commitment.
I think I wouldnt date an every day gym goer either if I think about it. I guess you will have to work out over time if this is something that you compromise on both way, like he likes you so much he decides to loosen this preference, or you just don't go every day as you like him so much you arw willing to forego every day gym.
Most relationships you compromise on something and it depends what the thing is as to whether it becomes a deal breaker or something you compromise on.

I go to the gym every day - 5-6am. This doesn't impact anyone else but me ! So I wouldn't be impressed by being told I couldn't attend.
I don't think it's necessarily controlling, but I don't see why it's a huge issue to him.

@Iris2020 Exercise can be hugely
beneficial for those of us with mental health problems. At my age with my saggy and wrinkly body, I’m waaaay past vanity. But I do need to exercise daily to keep sane! It seems you don’t exercise yourself or know anything about it if you think it’s only for the vain.

Yeah I’m not a dog person so wouldn’t date anyone with a dog.

I’m active and sporty, and so is DH, I just wouldn’t be interested in someone who spent every evening at the gym.

Not on the face of it - it just sounds like he doesn't want to date someone with a very time consuming hobby.

I don’t view it as controlling or a red flag. How is it that you interpret it as such? Did he end the comment by saying he would end things immediately if that was what you did?

so that rules out anyone who has a dog.

Fair enough, and that means less competition for us who like sporty and active dates 😁

I wouldn’t date someone who went to the gym every day tbh. Or had any out of the house hobby that they felt they had to do every single day.

If your only take about exercise is "lose weight, focus on appearance and self", it's a bit sad.

I don’t know, you’d have to ask those women.

Though I’d be surprised if they thought men were playing/watching football because of vanity.

Id view a daily gym habit as bordering on obsessive, especially if it was appearance driven, that wouldn't be someone I'd be interested in as a partner.