New bf saying he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday

Oh pull the other one. Is it just men who can't express their opinion any more, or does this apply to women too?

I couldn't be with someone who goes to the gym everyday. It absolutely reeks of vanity.

Yeah right,

If the guy is that hot, rich and clever, it's very very unlikely he's staying home watching tv every evening and has no interest and hobbies, and does a bit of exercise a couple of times a week 😂

did someone touched a nerve with you? 😂

This is hilarious!

"This guy is hot, rich, clever, kind, generous, but he only works out three times a week! I'm out!"

I've seen countless of times on here. We went on a date, he was a nice guy and I liked him, we sat down to eat, I looked down - white socks/black shoes - ewww, instant ick and that was the end. And lots of similar. Women discounting men for lots of ridiculous reasons. As is their right and choice.

But now butthurt gym-bunnies coming out in force, defending their habit, and calling everyone with an opposite opinion 'narrow-minded', 'how sad', etc. You can go to gym 5x a day if you want, but you're not owed dates by everyone.

It's not sad, neither it's narrow-minded. He's allowed his preferences. If it's a problem for you - split.

I also wouldn't date a gym goer, an outdoorsy person (hiking, camping, biking, urgh), a vegan or vegetarian, a teetotaler, a man who doesn't travel a few times per year at least, AI-type traveler and lots of other things. So what. I found a compatible person.

God forbid someone has opinions and preferences in their romantic partners…

It’s really rigid being unable to skip a day and restricts a relationship, if he’s met someone before who won’t go away for a weekend if they miss leg day then I get it. Plus you can’t have kids with someone who isn’t prepared to cut down on their gym time. My youngest is 3 and I try for 3 lots of exercise a week, it’s quite a lot of pressure to get that in with our busy schedule. I’d be divorced if dh had to go every day to the gym. And he’d have discovered he couldn’t go on his contact days as a single dad.

It’s very odd that so many people (OPs new BF included) associate going to the gym every day with obsession and vanity.

For most people it’s about health and fitness - my gym has all types of from teenagers to people in their 80s; the Greek gods/goddess types are actually in the minority.

Gyms are also about more than just “lifting weights”, there are cardio machines and all manner of classes.

The NHS recommends 150 minutes of moderate exercise a week PLUS strength training twice. So that could be weights sessions on 2 days plus 30 minutes classes the other 5….

Would posters say people doing a 30-45 minute brisk walk every day are “obsessive”?

Personally I wouldn’t date anyone who had such a narrow minded view.

I think it’s ok to recognise what does or doesn’t make you compatible, particularly if you are busy and time poor. The suggestion training daily is due to vanity would piss me off though - it’s good for mental health, and many people have fitness goals - just like he has his running goals.

I train 5/6 days a week - mix of at the gym, running and at home. I’m a nicer person for it, healthier and it makes me happy. I am also single and have recognised it would probably suit me best if a new partner also enjoyed working out / competitions as we could train together - so shared quality time. Not essential but they’d certainly need a hobby or it would be imbalanced.

Red flag.

My ex was like this. It started with "I don't like girls who do X"

That became "Girls who do [insert stuff my friends do] are [insult]"

And then "You're better than your friends, I don't know why you hang out with them. I know you would never [cheat/put up slutty photos] but youre lowering yourself being with them"

It got so endless that I stopped seeing those friends. Mutual friends, who he made special effort to keep in touch with after driving a wedge between us about how controlling i was (because I wad the reason we never saw them,.according to him).

It's a red flag and you know it.

Ideally you'd have responded at the time, but you should tell him that you do intend to have bursts of daily gym visits in future.

His reaction will tell you if he was just talking out of his arse or this is going to become an issue. Best to find out early, one way or another.

When he probably goes out for a runs 5-7 days a week, especially when he's training for an event?

If gym was treated more like play and less like "work", I think many people would find the idea more agreeable.

It's the oddly self-righteous vanity that goes with expressions like "work-outs", "no gain without pain" etc. that's off-putting.

As for weight loss, a sensible weight loss diet is of course far more important than busting a gut in the gym.

I'm a regular runner and run 3-4 times a week. If I had the time to go to the gym on non running days, it would improve my mental health so much.

It's not appearance driven (although I do appreciate the side effect) but by feeling strong and fit. But I wouldn't date someone who wasn't interested in taking care of their health. And I definitely couldn't' date someone who wasn't active.

Fortunately, I'm married because, at 57, there are very few active, fit men my age 😃

A friend of mine competes in Ironman competitions which mean a minimum of 16 hours training a week! I'd love to do a triathlon but not that sort of distance.

I don’t like this attitude because I think often it speaks to a dislike of people looking after themselves, wanting nice things for themselves, and spending their time doing things that feel good.
some people think there is nobility in denying yourself, and that having fun and enjoying life is a kind of selfish vanity.

these are not my people.

Yes Exactly !
I’ve never heard such crap in all my life .
OPS bf with his ‘ I wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym every day ‘ 🙄..

I'm with her. I'm a night owl, I go to sleep about 1ish, I wake up about 8.30 to get to work for 9.

Someone who got up at 5 would be massively incompatible with me. Even if they were quiet as a mouse, they'd still be going to bed earlier than me, we'd get very little time together in the evenings. It just wouldn't work.

But most people sit and watch a couple of hours of mindless tv each night, or scroll their phone (I'm doing both right now!)
Finding an hour for exercise, when you don't have young kids, is no big deal and surely something to be encouraged?

It's interesting how many comments are suggesting that people who go to the gym are doing so for the sake of vanity.

I go for my health, strength and mobility (because I've watched my 70-something mum melt and crumple before my eyes), because I love listening to loud music whilst I move my body, and because it makes me feel totally alive and BUZZING! And it keeps my anxiety in check.

The fact it gives me a body that I like the look of comes as a nice side effect.

You find it tedious if the person you live with is away from you for an hour or so a day to do some exercise? Or do you mean that what you actually find tedious is people who bang on about their workouts? Because those are two different things.

I don't think it's controlling. But it has made me appreciate my husband, who never complains about my 5-day a week training. I go to the gym 3 nights a week, and do 1 morning cross fit session, and 1 morning HYROX session.

We have masses of time together still, and Friday and Saturday evenings are always free for socialising.

But each to their own I guess.

but that has nothing to do with going to the gym or starting work early, it's being rude and inconsiderate.

You can be just as rude at 8am, and that's a no for me.

Agree. I am a light sleeper, always have been but I typically go back to sleep.

I could tell you who woke up to use the loo by footsteps in the middle of the night growing up and they were walking on carpet.

It only got worse after having children.

I actually can’t believe the responses here on this. !!
’ Excessive & vain ‘ ..🙄..
Firstly, no he’s not being controlling, he’s expressing a preference & that’s ok too ..
I can understand partners not liking it if they’re left at home to manage kids , dinner , housework 7 days a week , that’s not fair ..
That’s not your case though , I can’t see the problem in you going to gym every day , I presume you don’t stay for hours , it’s exercising & it’s good for the body & mind ..
I can’t see how it’s a deal breaker for someone 🙄..
If you want to go to the gym every day , go to the gym !
If he’s going to finish things over it , let him off cause it’s a pretty ridiculous reason to finish a relationship in all fairness !!

I don't think it's controlling. I would tend to feel the same tbh. Nothing wrong with someone going to the gym, but going every single day would suggest that it's a major part of their life, and that they are very focused on their appearance and fitness, likely at the expense of other interests and of time spent together. There are only so many hours in the day. Personally, I would prefer someone who had interests in common with me and who I had things to talk about with, and (perhaps unfairly) I would think that was less likely with someone who was very into the gym.
So, I don't think him having a preference like that is a red flag in itself, but it could be a sign of incompatibility. I would try talking to him about it; see what he says.