New bf saying he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday

It could be controlling yes.
It's absolutely fine not to want to date someone who does that, but what about if a partner takes it up later in the relationship, would he try to stop you or complain?
Did you ask him what he'd do if a year down the line you started to go to the gym every day?

Come off it. I exercise regularly and as much as I can and impress how important it is on my kids, who play quite a lot of sport and at 7 & 10 are doing their first park run with us on Saturday (with dh pushing the 4yo). But I also understand busy people and caring partners need to flex their priorities. When young and unencumbered I’d train 10 hours a week in my chosen sport but doing that again is a decade away at least.

I think it’s more a case of most people a) understanding that going to a gym every day is not the only way to get exercise and b) being attracted to people who don’t let a rigid and inflexible schedule rule their lives.

One of my oldest and closest riends has run countless marathons and does triathlons as well. She’s been doing them for decades now. But she has never once set foot in a gym in all her 50 years on this planet.

He didn’t say he had a problem with people staying fit or going to gym. He is clearly fit himself if he trains for distance races, which the OP says he does.

He just said he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym every single day. That doesn’t indicate he has a problem with fitness or gyms. It just means he isn’t keen on people who are obsessive. I think a lot of people wouldn’t want to date someone whose hobby was so all-consuming that they couldn’t go a day without doing it.

I wouldn’t want to date someone who goes to the gym everyday.

Gymgoers, don’t take that as me judging people who do. I couldn’t care less, each to their own. I just prefer to date someone who has a bit more spontaneity available in their schedule. I admire people who are fit and healthy, but I’m not that u to it myself and so I don’t think I’d suit someone who is.

I wouldn’t date someone who had an obsessive hobby. So if someone has to go to the gym everyday, even if we were say on a city break and we had to forego going on a sightseeing trip as it clashed with gym time. Again if someone’s hobby took over the weekend or dictated what sort of holiday we could go on.

I wouldnt date a daily workout person, it's not a trait I like

It’s not controlling. He is not making rules for others. He is setting a boundary for himself as to who he will and will not date.

I completely agree with him, going to the gym every day is boring. I never dated men long term who did this as they were dull and had no other hobbies or interests. It's fine if you like it, I walk daily and do gym classes three times a week, imo anything more than 4/5 times a week is excessive.

Not necessarily. There are people like me, for example, who regularly walk and lift in moderation, but regard gyms as a more "institutionalised" kind of exercise that is not my scene.

It applies to any muppet that thinks:

1. a woman exercising 5 days a week, which is the NHS recommended amount, is vain and
2. To any dickhead that thinks a woman who has lived her whole life without him just fine until now, suddenly gets a say in her life after a few hours of dating by making snide comments designed to put her in her box.

Just like my ex. Oh, you want to exercise 5 days a week? Then you must he one of those girls (who I think are beneath me).

It's never just about the gym.

It’s really clear to see from this thread who exercises daily as part of their normal routine and see it as a perfectly normal way to live. And those to whom exercise is an anathema. And never the twain shall meet.

I go to the gym or pool six days out of seven because it massively helps my mental health and it’s where I think best and decompress.
It would come before a man who thought it was his place to comment.

I think if he manages to carve out heaps of time for his own exercise, then doesn't want his partner to do the same then it is controlling and selfish. He wants his DP available for his entertainment when he's ready for them, when he has the time.

THIS! Some COMMON SENSE!

I said similar. It really depends on context to me.

What time are they going? Where is the gym? Will they be flexible about it or will they be rigid to the point that we have to plan around them going to the gym daily? Does it have to be the gym everyday or just exercising daily which are not the same thing and the latter is easier to accommodate.

It's actually depressing that in a world where the majority has very sedentary lives, not often by choice, someone being a bit active once a day is seen as vain and unattractive.

Date who you want, but calling someone "tedious" and "boring"because they doing some physical activity every day, that's just weird.

Is it just "the gym" or is it any sport I wonder.

Yet more posters have arrived to tell us that only vain people go to the gym- you can tell none of them have ever been anywhere near a gym- if they did, they’d see plenty of people in their 60s, 70s and 80s- very few of whom are there out of vanity. I teach fitness classes, and I’d say the top three reasons people come to my classes are (in no particular order):

1. Mental health benefits and socialising
2. Physical fitness and health
3. Weight loss.

Absolutely there’s nothing wrong with choosing not to date someone because you’re incompatible and yes, that could be because you don’t want to date someone who does a daily hobby.

What posters are saying IS narrow minded is making the assumption that someone who goes to the gym every day only does it for “vanity” reasons……

I wouldn't either.

It's also completely irrelevant whether people are/like gym goers or not.

Posters who feel passionate about the gym (either way) could try replacing it with a less emotive hobby and try to focus on what the OP is actually asking instead of bleating on about themselves:

-OP does hobbyxyz 3 x weekly, sometimes more
-Boyfriend says they wouldn't date someone who does hobbyxyz every day
-OP isn't sure if he is giving her an oblique warning that he doesn't like her doing hobbyxyz and will cause issues if she does it more often.

A sensible question. Best answered by challenging him directly on it IMO.

I don’t think it’s controlling. I used to work out every day and still had time to spend with my partner. It only took up about an hour to hour and a half of my day. He didn’t do any exercise at all and over time it was one of the reasons we broke up because I can’t date anyone that does no exercise/physical hobbies at all.

You won’t get much sympathy on here, Op. a lot of mumsnetters want their partners home with them all the time and hobbies including the gym are seen as immature, selfish and self indulgent - for single people only.

I’d find a daily gym goer a bore . Too much emphasis on looks rather than fun .