New bf saying he wouldn’t date someone who goes to the gym everyday

It’s the rigidity and how limiting it is that I wouldn’t accept. Decades ago my now dh said he wouldn’t go for a weekend away with me between start of March and end of September due to playing footy. He didn’t play at a pro or semi pro level, local league, and then he was stunned when I booked to go away anyway and said the other players all seem to go away so it’s not the team pressure, it’s just you prioritising footy over me for 6 months a year which isn’t my idea of a relationship, and won’t work.

he changed his mind and came away with me.

We SHOULD be exercising everyday! It’s good for mental and physical health.

Or had any out of the house hobby that they felt they had to do every single day.

Women don't seem to like their partners being out of the house in general it seems. Unless its work/earning, therefore he absolutely must be straight home by 6. Based on nothing but insecurity 🙄

I ran and cycled from age 20-40 without a single injury that would have caused me to need to use a gym.

I'm now 41 and have still never had an injury, but when I turned 40 I switched into strength training as I decided I wanted to be a 60 year old woman who's lifted heavy weights for 20 years.

I'd like to know how I could get that kind of strength work done without going to a gym, which according to other posters would make me far less dull as a person.

The strange thing is that 'let's not push it' is a reason why using a gym to support/complement outdoor training, minimise likelihood of injury, swim without the inherent risks of being in open water (particularly in winter), reduce recovery time and enhance performance is a good idea. I just find it quite unusual that your friend has never had any issues or reason for training indoors at times, especially over thirty years where any overuse or habit/weakness in the posterior chain particularly would accumulate without taking steps to address it - even just the pain of relatively weaker rhomboid or traps or an irritated rotator cuff make the pec deck and flye an absolute lifesaver in prevention and recovery from the constant tendency to roll forwards on bike, swimming and running.

let's not push it. Many women compete in trail runs, trail marathons to ultra, or triathlon, and have no interest in treadmills or indoor bikes.

Nothing wrong or uncommon in being outdoors, summer or winter.

I'd say the same thing. I used to go every day myself. But it's indicative of a certain lifestyle and mindset that isn't suited to some people.

I wouldn't date someone who was really muscly and obsessed with working out every day. I would assume they were very focussed on their appearance and fitness and I'm not interested in either of those things especially.

To me this isn't controlling. And I doubt it literally means he'd spilt up from you if you did go daily. I mean ultimately you could be in the sauna or playing tennis or swimming, or you could just say you were in the pub?!

It probably wouldn't actually make any difference to how he sees you.

She's only ever cycled on the road or swum in open water? Never needed to even up her posterior chain from all the bending forward or work on her rhomboids to avoid winging a scapula? Never felt that it's safer in winter to be running on a treadmill, using a rower or ergo or on a bike that has the advantage of being inside, well lit, with security cameras, no rain, sleet or snow or cars skidding on ice?

She's very fortunate.

"I'd never date someone who practices daily meditation, when they could spend their time on the sofa watching shit tv instead".

The bf may as well be saying this as far as I'm concerned. He's allowed his preferences of course, but I wouldn't even consider cutting back on something that's good for my health, at someone else's request. So long as my job, chores, social life and other commitments weren't being neglected, I'd tell him to dream on and jog on.

How regularly do we see posts on here from women who can't stand the idea of sex with their overweight, out of shape husband? Or from women who are stressed out ahead of a big event because they hate how their body looks in every outfit they try on? Or from women as young as 30-something, who feel exhausted, have zero fitness and are full of aches and pains?

We've created a sick society where processed junk food makes up 85% of our diet, and if you exercise you're seen as boring.

My ex used to get up for work at 4.30am sometimes. I never could get back to sleep properly. Plus getting up at that time meant he would want to be in bed by 9.30pm. At the time my kids went to bed around 8.45pm, so we had less than an hour together in the evenings. And that was with us living together. If he had lived elsewhere evenings would have been even shorter. Its not just a case of getting up early in my experience, if it had been every day it would have made us incompatible imo.

@Cherrytree86 if you are a light sleeper someone getting up at 5am for a hobby would be very annoying. Also probably means they go to bed early, so you don't have time in the evening with them

@sittingonabeach

so she wants to look good for a wedding? So??

@Halloweeeeeeeeen

why?? So long as they are not expecting you to get up with them what’s the issue?

And those talking about vanity, OP herself said she ramps up her exercise regime for something like her brother’s wedding. I assume the wedding doesn’t involve something like a marathon so the daily exercise regime would have nothing to do with keeping fit.

I worked with someone who started going to the gym and exercise classes on pretty much a daily basis. One day she was telling me she was really annoyed with some friends who were coming to stay for the weekend, as they didn’t want to come to the gym with her, so she was going to have to miss out on a session. She got really obsessed with it, and her relationship suffered too and she and her long term boyfriend split up.

After a couple of years she did wean herself off the obsessive daily exercise routine, still exercised on a regular basis but it wasn’t all consuming and got back together with her boyfriend.

Yes and I’m sure you haven’t been on this thread saying “gym people are all shallow and vain” have you? That’s the attitude I was referring to.

Plus not everyone has young kids you know. We are all at different places in life.

I wasn’t necessarily talking about you or that opinion. Was talking about the “everyone who goes to the gym is a vain narcissist” type posts.

No it's not controlling to have a preference on who he dates.
I wouldn't date anyone who had any hobby they had to do every day. It's too restrictive. I don't want to never be able to take a weekend away, or have a holiday where hobbies aren't involved.

It doesn’t matter at all whether it’s ‘cool’ or ‘boring’ to go to the gym daily.
What matters are having enough shared values and priorities with your partner so that life isn’t a constant exhausting discussion.
He’s started the conversation, so now OP needs to say that she actually does prioritise daily exercise sometimes. Then keep talking and see if you can find a way that might work.
This transparency is an absolute gift for a good relationship, don’t waste it.

Exactly this.

There are plenty of ways to exercise that don’t involve going to the gym on a daily basis.

If you really like the guy, just tell him that you do go to the gym daily when xyz. If he sees that as a problem, there’s your answer.

If you are too weirded out to even ask, then just end it.

Simple enough.

People are forgetting here…we are SUPPOSED to exercise every day! Lots of people have very sedentary jobs, people talk about walking …not possible for everyone, some people need to drive to work or they wouldn’t get there on time or they don’t live in an area with half decent walks or whatever.
It’s not silly or selfish or self indulgent or whatever some people on here seem to think.

also, what’s wrong with a bit of vanity?? Let’s not be disingenuous and try and pretend that physical appearance isn’t important…

Yeah @Worriedalltheday, that 86 year-old woman who uses my gym thinks she’s so cool 🙄😂

Exactly. They think they are cool but aren’t

Not as boring as runners and half marathon people lMO

Obviously not all, but some of them don't stop going on about it or trying to tell me how much I'd love running.....No I would not.