AITA for proposing to pay 70% of the bills instead of contributing to my GF's mortgage to protect my savings for our future home?

I show her the post and comments, explained to her but she doesnt see it.

I've asked AI to work out everything proportional as well as the cohabiting agreement she said she was happy to last night (was her suggestion originally as didn't know tjat existed until I was sent a tiktok video of someone explaining how her and her partner had taken one out beforehand).

I think the simplest and less complicated/stressful solution is for me to pay contribution of rent/living allowance and bills based on our incomes proportional then just go 50/50 on food (which I'm already doing), fuel etc. I also have my car im paying off, which will be paid off in July. So essentially 60/40 plus 50/50 on food/fuel and other household expenses.

I think that's reasonable.

Spilt the bills 50/50 and then have a separate agreement where you pay her rent at the going rate - how much would it cost you to rent a room in the area?
If I were her that’s what I would do.

@Periperi2025 sorry but I don’t agree- it’s not as if he’s going to be living there totally for free - she would have that bill money to pay too if he wasn’t paying it

She buys lot of expensive Asian international food products and spices and meats. We eat the same and leave leftovers for the next day.

I try to make alternative accommodations or suggestions for cutting down food costs but it gets justified to why we need need by her rather than being open to compromising to alternatives. So eventually I give up because I just accept it.

I just feel like I'm bad guy no matter what do provide and try to do right thing. Not a pity party just stating how try to suggest provisions but usually it falls on deaf ears or get shutdown and told we need it.

In my opinion she has expensive taste and lot of time she doesn't bother to eat or drink properly even though try to help out. I feel I can get criticised. I do more than my fair share, I wish people could actually see what I'm doing then they'd might understand my intentions aren't bad and would see I'm actually compromising a lot but dont complain, I just get on with it.

I would pay all the bills and half the food shop . I think paying rent is pointless and starts to look very transactional . It’s her asset not yours . If she’s paying no bills, she is saving , as well as building an asset ( although in a downturn not so much so in the short term) - she can’t have a ‘huge’ mortgage looking at her salary if it was done just on her wage - doubt it’s more than £1100 and would have to pay it whether you were there or not. This way she gets the bills relating to the house all paid.

She buys lot of expensive Asian international food products and spices and meats. We eat the same and leave leftovers for the next day.

I try to make alternative accommodations or suggestions for cutting down food costs but it gets justified to why we need need by her rather than being open to compromising to alternatives. So eventually I give up because I just accept it.

I just feel like I'm bad guy no matter what do provide and try to do right thing. Not a pity party just stating how try to suggest provisions but usually it falls on deaf ears or get shutdown and told we need it.

In my opinion she has expensive taste and lot of time she doesn't bother to eat or drink properly even though try to help out. I feel I can get criticised. I do more than my fair share, I wish people could actually see what I'm doing then they'd might understand my intentions aren't bad and would see I'm actually compromising a lot but dont complain, I just get on with it.

^this !!!

If he makes much less than she does, then it would be fair for him to pay a lower percentage of the bills, in proportion to their relative after-tax incomes. Before tax he makes a little under 40% of the combined household income and she makes a little over 60%. After tax it may be slightly different, but 40% before accounting for rent is probably about right.

It would probably also be fair for him to additionally pay directly to her an amount equal to 40% of the market rent on the flat. That amount might coincidentally get him to 70% of the bills, or it might not.

The fact that he has £40-50k in savings that were accumulated before they were together should not affect his contribution: she is not entitled to money that he earned before they met! At most one could add approximately £2k to his income to reflect the interest he can earn on those savings.

It’s it funny how if this was a women as the lower earner people would say split bills proportionally to salary, and don’t pay towards the mortgage

i agree with you op what you are doing is fair, although maybe some rent, but I would insist on a rent agreement being drawn up

Her bills are excluding the mortgage of £690, is £480 but then she has told me £1400 all in the past but that's her personal laser appointments and microneedling. She also said last night it costs more to be woman so there's implication there that would need to also goes halves on her personal care and sanitaries. So that doesn't feel fair as wouldn't expect her to fund my personal care. I'm splitting costs of groceries fuel and other expenses.

No it's my intention.

She has agreed to cohabiting agreement but without putting me on mortgage but doesn't want to do anything with equity if was contributing to her mortgage. She wants me to pay allowance/rent and bills. I just feel confused now as to what right thing is to do that's fair and proportional and protects both.

I just don't feel its fair for me as lower earner and to be financial burden strain on to effectively profiteering by reducing her already very small mortgage monthly payment long term while she builds up equity if then she was to kick me to curb anytime. Isn't the whole point of cohabiting agreement to protect us both? She feels if was then entitled to equity she would be homeless if she had to release it? It's like she treating me as lodger not a romantic partner, yet she's always saying to be fair and that we're partners but her actions seem to contradict that and aren't consistent whereas mine are. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just want to get to agreement where we both feel comfortable and content for both our peace of mind so it doesn't lead to resentment or arguments down the line.

Tbh I maybe have framed it in a way she doesn't understand but not sure how else could explain it as did initially explain it calmly and clear at the weekend.

Hell I'm happy to pay all the bills then she can cover mortgage.

So, £690 mortgage, approx 2/3 of that will be interest, so effectively rent to the bank, not money she will ever see again. So £455 'rent', you can pay half of that £228.

Plus half of the bills £240, but you need to correct that figure for any increases due to your presence (loss of 25% council tax reduction, more hot water used, more water use if on a meter).

So minimum you should pay is £468

Which is significantly more that the 70% of bills you expect to pay which covers to £336

You also need to pay approx 20% more for food as a man, unless you have very basic taste and she has expensive taste that only she eats.

It is up to her if she then saves this extra money or not, she is an adult, if you think she is bad with money the correct approach is to not get in to a long term relationship with her rather than trying to control her financially by saving the money yourself for the sake of you 'possible' shared future.

Her bills are excluding the mortgage of £690, is £480 but then she has told me £1400 all in the past but that's her personal laser appointments and microneedling. She also said last night it costs more to be woman so there's implication there that would need to also goes halves on her personal care and sanitaries. So that doesn't feel fair as wouldn't expect her to fund my personal care. I'm splitting costs of groceries fuel and other expenses.

No it's my intention.

She has agreed to cohabiting agreement but without putting me on mortgage but doesn't want to do anything with equity if was contributing to her mortgage. She wants me to pay allowance/rent and bills. I just feel confused now as to what right thing is to do that's fair and proportional and protects both.

I just don't feel its fair for me as lower earner and to be financial burden strain on to effectively profiteering by reducing her already very small mortgage monthly payment long term while she builds up equity if then she was to kick me to curb anytime. Isn't the whole point of cohabiting agreement to protect us both? She feels if was then entitled to equity she would be homeless if she had to release it? It's like she treating me as lodger not a romantic partner, yet she's always saying to be fair and that we're partners but her actions seem to contradict that and aren't consistent whereas mine are. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just want to get to agreement where we both feel comfortable and content for both our peace of mind so it doesn't lead to resentment or arguments down the line.

Tbh I maybe have framed it in a way she doesn't understand but not sure how else could explain it as did initially explain it calmly and clear at the weekend.

Hell I'm happy to pay all the bills then she can cover mortgage.

Well there is a massive difference between 1400 and 480!?

she seriously cannot expect you to part fund her laser and beauty treatments directly!?

Her bills are excluding the mortgage of £690, is £480 but then she has told me £1400 all in the past but that's her personal laser appointments and microneedling. She also said last night it costs more to be woman so there's implication there that would need to also goes halves on her personal care and sanitaries. So that doesn't feel fair as wouldn't expect her to fund my personal care. I'm splitting costs of groceries fuel and other expenses.

No it's my intention.

She has agreed to cohabiting agreement but without putting me on mortgage but doesn't want to do anything with equity if was contributing to her mortgage. She wants me to pay allowance/rent and bills. I just feel confused now as to what right thing is to do that's fair and proportional and protects both.

I just don't feel its fair for me as lower earner and to be financial burden strain on to effectively profiteering by reducing her already very small mortgage monthly payment long term while she builds up equity if then she was to kick me to curb anytime. Isn't the whole point of cohabiting agreement to protect us both? She feels if was then entitled to equity she would be homeless if she had to release it? It's like she treating me as lodger not a romantic partner, yet she's always saying to be fair and that we're partners but her actions seem to contradict that and aren't consistent whereas mine are. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just want to get to agreement where we both feel comfortable and content for both our peace of mind so it doesn't lead to resentment or arguments down the line.

Tbh I maybe have framed it in a way she doesn't understand but not sure how else could explain it as did initially explain it calmly and clear at the weekend.

Hell I'm happy to pay all the bills then she can cover mortgage.