AITA for proposing to pay 70% of the bills instead of contributing to my GF's mortgage to protect my savings for our future home?

DrSpongey · 2025-10-29T19:03:17+00:00

TLDR: I'm (36M, £28k salary) moving into my GF's (37F, £44k salary) flat in new year. I'm have savings for a future house deposit, she has very limited bar equity she doesnt want to release, wants to at least keep her flat for 10 years to build the equity which makes sense, says in principle she used that to then pay off some of the mortgage if we got a house when I'd put the deposit down which is majority of my life savings before we met. I suggested paying 70% of all bills to protect my savings instead of contributing to her mortgage. I can tell she thinks it's unfair but won't explicity say so. She has hard time not people pleasing or saying how she really feels with anyone. My girlfriend (GF) bought her two-bed flat in Feb 2023, well before we met. We're getting serious and planning for me to move in permanently in the New Year—it’s just getting tiring packing and unpacking constantly to come to hers. I lived at home with parents. She comes over very rarely which I get. I actually prefer to be at hers due to better lighting and she encourages it especially in the winter where my mood is low. I moved about daily and workout 2-4 times a week consistently. We both shared domestic labour and contribute halves on food, fuel costs whilst I'm here as well as treating her to little surprises and gifts. She's says she loves having me around but feel there's disconnect and dissonance between what she says and how she actually feels. The ultimate goal is to buy a house together, which is why I’ve saved up £40-50k for a deposit which is my lifetime savings; she, admittedly, has very little. The Proposal We initially agreed to split all costs (including the mortgage) based on our income percentage. Since then, I've had a rethink. My new proposal is to pay 70% of all the bills (Council Tax, utilities, internet, etc.) but £0 towards her £690/month mortgage. My Thinking (Why I'm Doing This) Protecting My Investment: If I pay her mortgage, that money is gone forever if we break up. I don't get equity, and it slows down my ability to save for the massive deposit I plan to use on our joint home and sets me back further in my plans to move out. The Maths Works Out: I genuinely don't think she's losing money. My high contribution to the bills (£28k vs £44k salary split) essentially frees up her money, which she could then put toward the mortgage herself or save (which I encourage). I'm not trying to short-change her; I'm trying to minimise my risk but genuinely don't think she understands how she could use the money cut back in bills to distribute towards whatever she feels to. It’s About the Long Game: I want us to succeed, and that means protecting the deposit that will get us into a bigger home together eventually. She's the kind of person who struggles to express feelings and manages money less consistently than me (her sister basically gifted her most of her savings). She just keeps saying "we need to think about sharing costs fairly," but that's precisely what I feel I'm doing by protecting our future large deposit while still shouldering the majority of our living expenses. I'm thinking long-term here, not just about the next six months. I've heard too many horror stories as old as time where people get fleeced and dont have cohabiting agreement of some sort. My concern is if the relationship went completely south I wouldn't see or get that money back. I've also paid for nearly 3k holiday for us to enjoy in December of which she is paying me back monthly for next six months. Her mortgage is relatively low for 2 bed flat in middle of Newport. I think lot of it, is due to upbringing and culture (Afghan British Muslim). I eventually want to get married and have a child so this would be stepping stone to that. I just want to do this fairly now so by living together for extended period of time permanently, we'll know if we're compatible. She actually sent me a tiktok about cohabiting agreement a little while ago about cohabiting couple who unlike there friends where it just never got discussed or addressed properly decide to draw up this agreement so there would be no stone unturned or potential messy unwavering consequences so alleviated any pressure or confusion in the way of divisions to allow conscious free state by knowing what each would be entitled to. AITA for wanting to protect my savings for our future house deposit by paying the vast majority of bills instead of contributing to her existing mortgage? Thanks, Rob

Original poster

DrSpongey · 04/11/2025 14:49

Yeah and we said will review it when that comes.

We generally have washing machine on once/twice a week, clothes and bedding. We have same routines and it's generally not a lot. I don't use a lot when I'm here either.

We go to gym, walk a lot, come same homemade meals and make leftovers for lunches the next day.

OP posts:

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/11/2025 11:19

Her bills are £367 but of course that will increase the minute you move in full time - Council Tax she will lose her single person discount, her water, gas and electricity will all increase too

as will useage of her washing machine as there will be more clothes to wash, and light bulbs will need to be replaced more often due to your need for better lighting.

FenceBooksCycle · 02/11/2025 10:49

DrSpongey · 02/11/2025 10:06

Her mortgage is £690 per month. £518 of that is interest. She paid 5% deposit on the flat, flat was around £182,000. Her bills are £367.

I'm covering the bills 100% as a trade off and 50% Split on food/household consumables.

Show quote history

Thanks for finding the correct figures. Ok so you are paying £367 to cover all bills and she's paying £690 per month? And everything else is 50:50?

Using the way of splitting that which I laid out in my previous post, you could equally define the same total contributions as:
Your £367 could be seen as £259 "rent" comtribution and the remaining £108 going into bills, so her outgoings are the £259 "rent" contribution part of the mortgage and £259 towards the bills. (Plus the non-rent "investment" part of the mortgage which shouldn't be a shared cost)

That isn't quite balanced ie you are still freeloading a bit - you should be paying a further £75 per month for your contribution to the non-investment parts of the shared outgoings to be fair. She'll still be paying out significantly more than you with that, but that's fair and reasonable because she's getting the long term benefits.

Original poster

DrSpongey · 02/11/2025 10:06

FenceBooksCycle · 02/11/2025 07:14

@DrSpongey I think the chief misunderstanding here is that you are regarding 100% of your GF's mortgage payment as a "investment" which you would get no benefit from if you contributed to. That's not how mortgages work.

Depending how big her mortgage is, it's likely that thevast majority of what she pays each month is purely paying off an interest debt, and only a small part is genuine investment. The interest part of the monthly payment is not very much different from rent. Whatever it says on the deeds, in reality the bank is effectively the "owner" during the early years of a mortgage - each month across 360 months (30 years) you "buy" an incrementally small slice of your home until you eventually "own" it in full and at that point can live rent-free. (Yes it's not quite like that technically, but if your namr is on the deeds of a £500,000 house on which you owe a mortgage of £495,000 your net worth from that ownership is only £5,000 not £500,000)

I don't think you should be contributing directly to something that only your GF will benefit from but I also don't think that you should live rent-free when your GF isn't - if you can't trear each other as equals now, there's no hope for your long term future.

A fair contribution towards mortgage interest would probably be around 30% of the monthly mortgage payment - an accurate calculation would need sight of her mortgage statement and an understanding of what house prices are doing in the area but for a simplified example :

Mortgage amount £325,000
Value of property when bought £345,000
Value of property 2 years later £355,000
Across a year she pays monthly £1750 so a total of £21,000 in a year. About £17,000 of that is interest - effectively rent - and the remainder pays off a small slice of the amount owed. After 2 years she has paid £42,000 and the benefit she has gained from that is that the equity she owns on the property has increased from the £20,000 initial deposit she put in to now £38,000 (including the increase in property value).so that's an £18,000 benefit at a cost of £42,000 (this is across 2 years)

The difference of £24,000 is effectively the "rent" part of thr arrangement and that's what you should share. That's £1000 per month so with these simplifird figures you should pay 50% of all bills/subscriptions/general running costs plus £500 per month as a contribution towards mortgage interest. She pays 50% of bills/subscriptions/general running costs plus the other £1250 per month of mortgage costs which is fair because that's a real reflection of the additional benefit she is getting as the mortgage holder.

That would mean you have struck the right balance to ensure neither of you is unreasonably benefitting more than the other, but treating each other as equals. The principles you live by here will set the tone of your whole relationship whether it is short or long, so if you reject the principles of equality it will have bigger consequences than just how much money you get to have for spending each month.

Edited

Her mortgage is £690 per month. £518 of that is interest. She paid 5% deposit on the flat, flat was around £182,000. Her bills are £367.

I'm covering the bills 100% as a trade off and 50% Split on food/household consumables.

OP posts:

Periperi2025 · 02/11/2025 09:28

FenceBooksCycle · 02/11/2025 07:14

@DrSpongey I think the chief misunderstanding here is that you are regarding 100% of your GF's mortgage payment as a "investment" which you would get no benefit from if you contributed to. That's not how mortgages work.

Depending how big her mortgage is, it's likely that thevast majority of what she pays each month is purely paying off an interest debt, and only a small part is genuine investment. The interest part of the monthly payment is not very much different from rent. Whatever it says on the deeds, in reality the bank is effectively the "owner" during the early years of a mortgage - each month across 360 months (30 years) you "buy" an incrementally small slice of your home until you eventually "own" it in full and at that point can live rent-free. (Yes it's not quite like that technically, but if your namr is on the deeds of a £500,000 house on which you owe a mortgage of £495,000 your net worth from that ownership is only £5,000 not £500,000)

I don't think you should be contributing directly to something that only your GF will benefit from but I also don't think that you should live rent-free when your GF isn't - if you can't trear each other as equals now, there's no hope for your long term future.

A fair contribution towards mortgage interest would probably be around 30% of the monthly mortgage payment - an accurate calculation would need sight of her mortgage statement and an understanding of what house prices are doing in the area but for a simplified example :

Mortgage amount £325,000
Value of property when bought £345,000
Value of property 2 years later £355,000
Across a year she pays monthly £1750 so a total of £21,000 in a year. About £17,000 of that is interest - effectively rent - and the remainder pays off a small slice of the amount owed. After 2 years she has paid £42,000 and the benefit she has gained from that is that the equity she owns on the property has increased from the £20,000 initial deposit she put in to now £38,000 (including the increase in property value).so that's an £18,000 benefit at a cost of £42,000 (this is across 2 years)

The difference of £24,000 is effectively the "rent" part of thr arrangement and that's what you should share. That's £1000 per month so with these simplifird figures you should pay 50% of all bills/subscriptions/general running costs plus £500 per month as a contribution towards mortgage interest. She pays 50% of bills/subscriptions/general running costs plus the other £1250 per month of mortgage costs which is fair because that's a real reflection of the additional benefit she is getting as the mortgage holder.

That would mean you have struck the right balance to ensure neither of you is unreasonably benefitting more than the other, but treating each other as equals. The principles you live by here will set the tone of your whole relationship whether it is short or long, so if you reject the principles of equality it will have bigger consequences than just how much money you get to have for spending each month.

Edited

OP will ignore any posts pointing this out and explaining it.

It is also worth people considering that OP has £45k of his own savings, presumably invested in ISAs (if he has any sense) or other high interest account, this will bring him in approx £2k per year tax free income at current interest rates.

So it seems OP is allowed to benefit from his investments but his partner isn't supposed to benefit from hers!!

FenceBooksCycle · 02/11/2025 07:14

@DrSpongey I think the chief misunderstanding here is that you are regarding 100% of your GF's mortgage payment as a "investment" which you would get no benefit from if you contributed to. That's not how mortgages work.

Depending how big her mortgage is, it's likely that thevast majority of what she pays each month is purely paying off an interest debt, and only a small part is genuine investment. The interest part of the monthly payment is not very much different from rent. Whatever it says on the deeds, in reality the bank is effectively the "owner" during the early years of a mortgage - each month across 360 months (30 years) you "buy" an incrementally small slice of your home until you eventually "own" it in full and at that point can live rent-free. (Yes it's not quite like that technically, but if your namr is on the deeds of a £500,000 house on which you owe a mortgage of £495,000 your net worth from that ownership is only £5,000 not £500,000)

I don't think you should be contributing directly to something that only your GF will benefit from but I also don't think that you should live rent-free when your GF isn't - if you can't trear each other as equals now, there's no hope for your long term future.

A fair contribution towards mortgage interest would probably be around 30% of the monthly mortgage payment - an accurate calculation would need sight of her mortgage statement and an understanding of what house prices are doing in the area but for a simplified example :

Mortgage amount £325,000
Value of property when bought £345,000
Value of property 2 years later £355,000
Across a year she pays monthly £1750 so a total of £21,000 in a year. About £17,000 of that is interest - effectively rent - and the remainder pays off a small slice of the amount owed. After 2 years she has paid £42,000 and the benefit she has gained from that is that the equity she owns on the property has increased from the £20,000 initial deposit she put in to now £38,000 (including the increase in property value).so that's an £18,000 benefit at a cost of £42,000 (this is across 2 years)

The difference of £24,000 is effectively the "rent" part of thr arrangement and that's what you should share. That's £1000 per month so with these simplifird figures you should pay 50% of all bills/subscriptions/general running costs plus £500 per month as a contribution towards mortgage interest. She pays 50% of bills/subscriptions/general running costs plus the other £1250 per month of mortgage costs which is fair because that's a real reflection of the additional benefit she is getting as the mortgage holder.

That would mean you have struck the right balance to ensure neither of you is unreasonably benefitting more than the other, but treating each other as equals. The principles you live by here will set the tone of your whole relationship whether it is short or long, so if you reject the principles of equality it will have bigger consequences than just how much money you get to have for spending each month.

Yamamm · 02/11/2025 06:14

OP your £617 sounds fair and reasonable. The only other consideration is what that covers. So neither of you are feeling it is unfair if one of you wants the heating on more or buys more expensive food or puts personal stuff in with the weekly shop.
As I said. These things can be overthought. Is it a good deal for you to move out all bills paid in a comfortable flat for £617? ✅
Is it good for her to have a big contribution to her bills with no risk to her finances? ✅
Happy days!

Ghhbiuj · 02/11/2025 05:48

TheBlueHotel · 29/10/2025 19:15

You should pay 50% of bills and 0% of her mortgage.

What about rent

Elektra1 · 02/11/2025 05:29

I often see threads on MN where the OP is a woman complaining that the man lives in her house without paying anything towards the mortgage (even if he does pay half or more of the bills), and people pile on saying he’s a “cocklodger” and that she should LTB, he’d be paying rent anywhere else so why does he expect to pay nothing for his accommodation, etc.

And here we have the man saying he doesn’t want to contribute to the mortgage and most people think that is fine.

MN is an odd place sometimes.

SweetnsourNZ · 02/11/2025 04:50

Cerialkiller · 29/10/2025 19:29

It's generally recommended that a live in partner doesn't pay towards the mortgage because in some cases this can result in entitlement to a share of the equity (or an unsuccessful but still unpleasant court case)

By not contributing to the mortgage, the op is also protecting his gf.

They aren't married, they are not legally tied and should not co-mingle finances ideally.

Paying 70% is more then fair and you could justify 50/50 and by the sounds of it, the amounts would be far off anyway. 690 is a tiny mortgage.

IDK, maybe open a joint savings account and put money in there that he's saving in rent. Then they can use it for deposit or split it if the relationship ends. No matter what they do I bet someone is going to feel hard done by if they split.

MumsGoneToIceland · 02/11/2025 04:38

I’m not going to make any other suggestions now on how to split finances for the current situation as you sound like you are making progress.

However before you move in, I’d agree on an approach to when you buy together to ensure you are on the same page now. My view of this would be to split contributions to everything (bills, mortgage, savings ) proportionate to income and have the same amount of disposable income each (in your own account to) to live on

Original poster

DrSpongey · 02/11/2025 02:56

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/11/2025 00:20

it’s just getting tiring packing and unpacking constantly to come to hers.

and that's why you wish to move in ?

I lived at home with parents. She comes over very rarely which I get.

Why on earth would she want to come to your parent's home/house when she has bought her own home ?

I actually prefer to be at hers due to better lighting and she encourages it especially in the winter where my mood is low.

Lighting - what an original reason to move in with someone...

I hope she finds this thread, if it were my daughter I would have her running in the opposite direction, it's all very transactional.

where is the love...

Lol, I didn't express that very well at the time as I was in a rush.

For context, those aforementioned reasons outline was actually a mixed up of things she has said to me. She mentioned those reasons. It just allows me to being closer to her rather than having to be separate. She says she loves my company.

The only one being true is that I genuinely love spending quality time together with her and after being with her for 2 years, I feel ready to now want to make this step. Think about it, it cuts the distance on travel and just make things easier for both of us. It benefits us both. Whislt I can attest to it feeling and looking transactional, we genuinely love spending time together, shared experiences, interests and have lot of similar mindset and outlook on things as much as there are differences. We both care and support for each other, we have travelled together and have done a lot in 2 years.

Theres genuine love and tenderness there, it may seem little transactional. But I'm not being funnty, show me a relationship where there isn't a little form of compromise and transaction. Dating in itself is transactional when you think about it in terms of the conformist stereotypes around expectations of Men when courting a woman. No relationship is without "transaction". So to say otherwise is just not true. There can be love and still wanting to reciprocate effort , provide and help out. The intimacy and connection between us is still strong despite our differences because we both focus on that too.

OP posts:

Original poster

DrSpongey · 02/11/2025 02:41

Itsskea · 01/11/2025 10:08

I hope she reads this thread and has a really hard think about whether she wants this man to move in with her!

She's read all the comments and while of course she agrees with some of the biased comments towards her, she feels both are being harsh to both of us. She seems to be committed to giving this go and then reviewing it after trial period. It's not like not been living here ane contributing whilst stayed over anyway for few days, week or few weeks.

We sensibly actually sat down last night and worked through different ways of working out and handling things before we ultimately settled on paying me paying 100% bills as a trade off plus 50/50 shared food and household consumables. Proportionally works out the same. We will the factor in the price hikes. She's already been on phone today to Water Company to see if she can get it reduced after they have effectively increased her water rate bill 35% up from £29 to £51 from next month which is insane for single person. So (Been in credit for 2 two years and it's stayed fixed), so will have to factor in that. I asked if it's because of me but she said she had check when comparing the rates and readings and says it's not because of me. Water seems to be getting ridiculous, companies seeing their infrastructure costs rising this much being completely absorb onto the consumer. How they can justify that when family of 5 pay a cap of no more than £60 is beyond me!!

I've shown her the comments because, you know in the interest of complete transparency and trust. Plus, alwaya good to seek alternative perspectives. I don't believe in not being candid and having open conversations to address any issues before resentful and embitterment starts to rear its ugly head and is allowed to fester. It annoys me she doesnt believe in communication sometimes that we should just know, but have emphasised importance of this rather than continued avoidance especially to nip things in bud before they have a chance to become bigger issue rather than resorting to blame, dismissiveness, deflection and defensiveness which are all catalysts to slow death kneel of any relationship.

OP posts:

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/11/2025 00:20

it’s just getting tiring packing and unpacking constantly to come to hers.

and that's why you wish to move in ?

I lived at home with parents. She comes over very rarely which I get.

Why on earth would she want to come to your parent's home/house when she has bought her own home ?

I actually prefer to be at hers due to better lighting and she encourages it especially in the winter where my mood is low.

Lighting - what an original reason to move in with someone...

I hope she finds this thread, if it were my daughter I would have her running in the opposite direction, it's all very transactional.

where is the love...

Original poster

DrSpongey · 01/11/2025 23:56

Yamamm · 01/11/2025 05:23

I’ve read all the thread. I would go for an offer of a flat rate. £500/month. In a shared account where bills and food and paid from. a written agreement that you have no interest in her equity.

You get to move out and be a grown up. She gets to share her space with someone she actively wants to share with. She’s better off and you’re much better off than if you moved into a grotty HMO.

On equity. Most flats in the UK bought in 2023 will have zero or negative equity at this point.

The missing factor is the point at which you will definitely make a choice to properly combine your finances and future (or not). You are both of an age where you need to make a decision quite soon if you both want a family. There are many threads in here from women who spent their last fertile years with someone who wouldn’t commit.

You do sound very cautious and sensible but sometimes you do have to make a bit of a leap of faith. And hopefully you understand that if you start a family that takes ALL the money! (But worth it over and over).

Best of luck.

We've agreed to pay all the bills and split food costs/groceries 50/50 250 so £617 in total whilst she protects her equity. By effectively offloading to pay all her bills is essentially my rental market contribution for a shared space.

Very true and I do understand all of that. We essentially said that we would then whilst we look at houses if it takes year or more if we can't find something affordable or suitable then we would stay here and make amendments to her flat. We would when moving into own property essentially in her words "her money is my money and my money is hers" so we would just have a combined pool rather than splitting or doing proportional.

Do you think this is fair offer since shes providing a roof over my head or am I bring delusional and she's taking me for a ride by offering the trade off a 100% bills? Since she will be paying 690 mortage and 250 for food/household expenses.

OP posts:

Pumpkinsonastring · 01/11/2025 23:30

If you're both happy with it that's all that matters. Different people will always have different ideas on things. This forum and others like it literally wouldn't exist if they didn't. You asked for people's opinions and got them, but what matters is how you both feel nobody else. If you're both in agreement, neither is feeling hounded by the other or feeling got at, if there's no resentment on either side, then all is good.

In the future if you buy somewhere together it'll be a lot easier to divide fairly and the situation will feel more equal in general. It's always tricky when one person moves into the other person's home. Obviously you need to see if you get along though before making that kind of joint commitment to purchase somewhere together, so a trial is a good idea. You've considered things, talked about it and come up with a plan you're both happy with. Not much else you can do except see if it works out. 🤞 for you.

Original poster

DrSpongey · 01/11/2025 22:14

Very true! It's part of cognitive dissonance I also feel with this frustration. I'm very aware of this. And tbh it does feel heavy at times but then we have far more good days than bad. What relationship doesnt come without its challenge. Thisbis why i suggested the three months trial and she's in agreement. It's possibly the culture gap being biggest difference. She's generally quite financially responsible but I do feel I compromise a lot more but then she claims she does too. We both do a lot for each other and we take care of each other well. So I'm grateful for that. No one is perfect and she does seem to care about me a lot. I think we're both just committed to having patience and dedicated to make this work rather than just give up when we've created some many amazing wonderful memories and experiences.

She had accident last year at the gym and I managed to support her through that. I also had a spout of Pneumonia and she brought me food and supported me through that.

We'v3 agreed to do this trial and worked out how we're going to manage the finances. I'm going cover 100% of the bills to offset this with fact this is less than market rent of a shared room made up of service charge whilst she pays her mortgage and then split 50/50 on food and household consumables. All in all that's equalivent to £617 per month for me which is more than fair right? Her bills are only £367 and agreed to budget of £250 each into shared joint account for food/household costs. This this means i have no right to equity and she is protected.

Is concensus everyone agree that's fair and equitable given our income differences? Or am I being complete mug?

OP posts:

Original poster

DrSpongey · 01/11/2025 22:13

Very true! It's part of cognitive dissonance I also feel with this frustration. I'm very aware of this. And tbh it does feel heavy at times but then we have far more good days than bad. What relationship doesnt come without its challenge. Thisbis why i suggested the three months trial and she's in agreement. It's possibly the culture gap being biggest difference. She's generally quite financially responsible but I do feel I compromise a lot more but then she claims she does too. We both do a lot for each other and we take care of each other well. So I'm grateful for that. No one is perfect and she does seem to care about me a lot. I think we're both just committed to having patience and dedicated to make this work rather than just give up when we've created some many amazing wonderful memories and experiences.

She had accident last year at the gym and I managed to support her through that. I also had a spout of Pneumonia and she brought me food and supported me through that.

We'v3 agreed to do this trial and worked out how we're going to manage the finances. I'm going cover 100% of the bills to offset this with fact this is less than market rent of a shared room made up of service charge whilst she pays her mortgage and then split 50/50 on food and household consumables. All in all that's equalivent to £617 per month for me which is more than fair right? Her bills are only £367 and agreed to budget of £250 each into shared joint account for food/household costs. This this means i have no right to equity and she is protected.

Is concensus everyone agree that's fair and equitable given our income differences? Or am I being complete mug?

OP posts:

FenceBooksCycle · 01/11/2025 20:36

If they are goong to have any hope of a long term future together, they should both benefit equaly from the savings of being one household not two. If one of them is benefitting more than the other the relationship is doomed.

Pumpkinsonastring · 01/11/2025 19:59

FenceBooksCycle · 01/11/2025 08:56

So OP has the right to live rent free? Nice.

Show quote history

He's not demanding to move in! It's not about it being a "right to live rent free". She's asked him to move in, that's the difference. She wants this. So she should be willing to make sacrifices to achieve it. I'm sure he'd happily pay half the rent on a one bed flat, if she wanted to live that way. She's chosen to live wherever she's living and she's chosen to buy it. She can't force 50% of the costs of her chosen lifestyle onto him, she can ask, she can expect, but he's equally within his rights to say no. She's paying all the mortgage anyway and all the bills. If he moves in and pays half the bills, she's still significantly better off. The trade off is that she has another person living in her space. It's fair because she's the sole owner of the home, she calls the shots and holds all the power. He has no rights to stay there, no rights to decorate however he likes or make alterations to the structure and if she chooses to do those things, he has no rights to stop her. That's the deal when you live in someone else's home, you're only one step up from a houseguest. Even a lodger would get their own room!

icouldholditwithacobweb · 01/11/2025 10:17

If my partner moved in with me, I wouldn't charge him rent but I would talk to him and agree how we'd split utilities, food bills, etc - I would think he needs to pay his way, but it wouldn't be by paying my mortgage for me. Hopefully we would both benefit financially and figure out something that felt fair to both of us; I have a friend who does not pay towards her partner's mortgage but pays 50% of all bills and covers food shop and it's still cheaper for each of them than for them to live independently so win/win. In theory it's not fair for one partner to cover mortgage/rent while the other pays nothing but since she's paying into an asset and you have no claim over it, that changes things IMO.

Itsskea · 01/11/2025 10:08

I hope she reads this thread and has a really hard think about whether she wants this man to move in with her!

materialvision · 01/11/2025 09:45

I don’t get why this has turned into a moral panic about “paying her mortgage.” He’s not investing in her house; he’s paying to live somewhere warm and with running water.

If the place is hers, then the mortgage is hers too — her risk, her asset. His contribution is just the cost of having a roof over his head. What she does with that money (mortgage, prosecco, or cat food) is completely up to her.

Unless he’s on the deeds or there’s an actual agreement to share ownership, there’s zero chance he can claim a bit of her equity. So really, he’s not “protecting his future home” — he’s just misunderstanding how grown-up finances work.

caringcarer · 01/11/2025 09:37

You should pay 50 percent of bills for gas, electric, water rates, council tax, internet, Netflix or TV subscription and food. You should also pay a fair 'rent' for living there but not contribute to her mortgage. Look up the cost of a room in a house locally and use this amount. If she chooses to pay your rent contribution towards her mortgage that is up to her.

Tree20 · 01/11/2025 09:24

This all sounds a receipe for disaster. It is clear you guys are not on the same page, and disagree over a lot of things. And one of you agreeing to keep the peace is not going to end well (ref your comments about food choices).