Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Walk in the rain /

145 replies

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:25

Just wondering whether I've been terribly U.

Was due to meet a friend for lunch today; he was driving, I took the train. I was very distracted because of something going on and accidentally got off at the wrong stop. I phoned friend, said I'd fucked up, apologised profusely and asked if he could come and pick me up.

We finished the call so he could check the map, but instead of ringing me back he sent me a location pin and told me to walk. It was about 1.2 miles, mainly along a main road, and absolutely pissing down with rain.

I was pretty pissed off by this, given it would probably have been less than five minutes in the car vs c.25 minutes' walk. But otoh I do realise it was totally my fault I wasn't in the right place.

WIBU to think he could have been a bit more caring/generous and come and picked me up, despite it being my cock-up?

I didn't say anything at first, but he sort of goaded me when I told him I hadn't actually walked because the weather was atrocious and my shoes weren't very comfortable (I got back on the train for one stop instead). He pulled all sorts of faces and made comments about me being young enough to walk just over a mile, at which point I snapped (but didn't fart) and said he could easily have come to get me.

I apologised (again) for being ratty and things were ok after a few minutes. As far as I know we left on good terms. Just wondering what an impartial observer would think as I must admit I was a little hurt, but also concede I could have over-reacted (partly on account of the thing that was preoccupying me). I think he might have realised he was a bit cavalier as he then bought me lunch.

NB He is a friend, not a boyfriend/partner/DH.

Sorry for the essay!

OP posts:

youalright · 29/10/2025 17:56

Also do you have mobility issues as 25 minutes to walk 1 mile is ridiculously slow

Original poster

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:56

youalright · 29/10/2025 17:54

Is he a confident driver as I think that makes a massive difference. I hate driving and before a journey I plan everything and check carparking etc so if someone suddenly wanted me to change where I was going id panic and tell them to walk to if it was only a mile.

100% confident. Drives all the time, including long distances. Definitely not an issue with confidence.

OP posts:

Original poster

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:55

Delatron · 29/10/2025 17:47

I would have picked you up.

However if I made the same mistake I’d have said ‘sorry got off at the wrong stop. Just deciding whether the wait for the next train (half an hour) or walk the 25 mins.’

At that point he should offer. Sometimes it’s the assumption hush someone will get you that annoys people. Wouldn’t me at all but that may be the reason.

I certainly didn't assume. I mean he's a friend of c.30 years, not an acquaintance or colleague, but even so I asked politely and apologetically.

OP posts:

TheFormidableMrsC · 29/10/2025 17:55

I think it was rude and unkind. I’d have picked you up and wouldn’t have thought twice about it.

youalright · 29/10/2025 17:54

Gotabadfeelingaboutthis · 29/10/2025 17:54

It's not "just 5 mins" and no imposition to your friend though is it?
They have to get up and leave the warm, dry place they've arrived at and sat down in, to go back outside in the rain, to walk back to wherever their car is, to potentially pay a parking ticket, to drive to get you, to go and park again (incurring a new ticket) and walk in the rain AGAIN to get back to the very place they started at. YABU OP

LlamaNoDrama · 29/10/2025 17:54

Merryoldgoat · 29/10/2025 17:45

It’s not a huge imposition.

Show quote history

That depends on the circumstances. Does he know the way? Has he got sat nav? Is the train station easy to pick up from? (Some have limited waiting areas which are always rammed with no space). Has he already paid to park and will have to pay again if he leaves and comes back.

I didn't vote but I'd say U as you're a grown up, it's up to you to solve your mistake not someone else. If he'd offered, lovely, but it wasn't his responsibility to fix things for you. I'd feel differently if he was your partner but wouldn't expect a friend to do this for me.

thisishowloween · 29/10/2025 17:53

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:52

It's hardly a lot of drama!

And it doesn't make my question about who WBU irrelevant (imo).

Show quote history

YWBU not to immediately offer to walk/get the train back.

WB(slightly)U not to offer to pick you up, but he may have already paid for parking, or ordered a drink, or know it was a faff to get to you with traffic, roadworks, one way systems etc.

BretonStripe · 29/10/2025 17:53

I think he sounds like a shit friend tbh. I drive everywhere (live in the countryside) and love my friends, so if they'd made a mistake and asked for a lift I wouldn't hesitate, regardless of weather. I enjoy spending the maximum amount of time with my mates, so would just choose the quickest option so we could start catching up. And I despise public transport.

YANBU. Hope whatever it is that's on your mind isn't too worrying, and you can forgive him for being a bit thoughtless (perhaps he's not good at changing plans on the spot?).

Original poster

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:52

thisishowloween · 29/10/2025 17:50

Right, so it's a lot of drama over nothing, then.

Show quote history

It's hardly a lot of drama!

And it doesn't make my question about who WBU irrelevant (imo).

OP posts:

Original poster

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:50

Arlanymor · 29/10/2025 17:43

Same as the amount of time it would have taken you to walk then.

Show quote history

Which is why I got the train, as I said in my OP.

OP posts:

thisishowloween · 29/10/2025 17:50

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:49

I did. I said that in the OP.

Show quote history

Right, so it's a lot of drama over nothing, then.

Original poster

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:49

thisishowloween · 29/10/2025 17:48

But it was a 25 minute walk, so you may as well have just waited, surely?

Show quote history

I did! I said that in the OP.

OP posts:

Original poster

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:49

thisishowloween · 29/10/2025 17:42

If it was a 25 minute walk/half hour wait for the train, why not just wait for the train?

I did. I said that in the OP.

OP posts:

thisishowloween · 29/10/2025 17:48

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:48

I did. It was a half-hour wait.

Show quote history

But it was a 25 minute walk, so you may as well have just waited, surely?

thisishowloween · 29/10/2025 17:48

Delatron · 29/10/2025 17:47

I would have picked you up.

However if I made the same mistake I’d have said ‘sorry got off at the wrong stop. Just deciding whether the wait for the next train (half an hour) or walk the 25 mins.’

At that point he should offer. Sometimes it’s the assumption hush someone will get you that annoys people. Wouldn’t me at all but that may be the reason.

Yes, this.

You should have offered to walk/wait for the next train, he should have offered to collect you.

Original poster

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:48

LlamaNoDrama · 29/10/2025 17:38

I would have looked at getting the next train before ringing for a lift.

I did. It was a half-hour wait.

OP posts:

Delatron · 29/10/2025 17:47

I would have picked you up.

However if I made the same mistake I’d have said ‘sorry got off at the wrong stop. Just deciding whether the wait for the next train (half an hour) or walk the 25 mins.’

At that point he should offer. Sometimes it’s the assumption hush someone will get you that annoys people. Wouldn’t me at all but that may be the reason.

latetothefisting · 29/10/2025 17:47

It's a weird one because in your circumstances I would have felt awkward asking for a lift and would probably have said 'Sorry I'm going to be late, got off the wrong stop and the next train isn't for half an hour.' If you'd walked it wouldn't have been any/much quicker anyway.

But as your friend if I'd then got that message I would absolutely have offered to pick you up, and if you'd specifically asked would definitely have agreed (and wouldn't have thought it cheeky that you'd asked!). So can't really explain why I wouldn't have just asked myself!

The only thing I'm wondering was if he had already arrived where you were going to meet and had paid for parking then it's possible he would have had to pay again/more if he'd left and come back (and some places don't allow return within a set time). Or he was already sitting comfortably in the warm and didn't want to leave!
But even then he was rude to
a) just say 'walk,' rather than 'sorry I can't come to pick you up (for whatever reason), I'll wait for you to get here,'
and b) make fun of you for not walking

Original poster

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:47

Arlanymor · 29/10/2025 17:40

If I messed up I would try to fix it. Tell my friend that I’m really sorry but I made an error and either I would be getting on the train for one more stop or walking. If they volunteered to pick me up then great, but I would seek to remedy it myself first. I wouldn’t ever tell anyone that they needed to pick me up when that was not what had been arranged.

Edited

I did say I was really sorry (more than once) and I certainly didn't tell him he needed to pick me up - I asked ("Could you possibly..." sort of thing). I also checked train times before I rang him, but it was a half-hour wait.

OP posts:

thisishowloween · 29/10/2025 17:47

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:44

It was more the time factor than the effort. As I said, he'd only be standing waiting for me otherwise. I thought we could meet in five minutes rather than 25 if he came to get me.

Re. train - depends what you mean by "easy". I mean, yes, I only had to sit and wait, but it was almost half an hour.

Show quote history

So why on earth didn't you just sit and wait for the train?

Walking makes absolutely no sense in this scenario.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 29/10/2025 17:46

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/10/2025 17:44

So if he was able to take your call and check a map, I’m assuming he was already parked up, possibly some way from his car, had possibly paid for parking already, possibly already seated in the restaurant. By the time he’d gotten back to his car and driven to collect you, you’d have been waiting in the rain for as long as it would have taken you to walk, hence him reasoning there wasn’t much point.

Surely he could have explained that?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 29/10/2025 17:45

FrauPaige · 29/10/2025 17:43

There seems to be an expectation from you that he would pick you up, whereas you should have been apologising and notifying him of how late you would be due to having to wait for the next train due to getting of a stop too early, and asking him if he could wait.

You are upset that he hasn't treated you like a date and been considerate of you having dressed up for him by offering to pick you up, however as he is not a romantic partner, that expectation is both unreasonable and inappropriate.

Edit: typo - dropped end of sentence

Edited

Show quote history

Rubbish. Surely friends look out for each other? Also, can you not read? This is what the OP said: I phoned friend, said I'd fucked up, apologised profusely and asked if he could come and pick me up.

bowlybowl · 29/10/2025 17:45

Surely he buying you lunch was an apology? move on from it.

Merryoldgoat · 29/10/2025 17:45

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:41

Perhaps as a non-driver I'm missing why this would have been a huge imposition or PITA. Parking, perhaps? (And no, I don't ask this friend for lifts all the time - virtually never in all the time I've known him.)

It’s not a huge imposition.

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread