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Original poster

Walk in the rain /

145 replies

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:25

Just wondering whether I've been terribly U.

Was due to meet a friend for lunch today; he was driving, I took the train. I was very distracted because of something going on and accidentally got off at the wrong stop. I phoned friend, said I'd fucked up, apologised profusely and asked if he could come and pick me up.

We finished the call so he could check the map, but instead of ringing me back he sent me a location pin and told me to walk. It was about 1.2 miles, mainly along a main road, and absolutely pissing down with rain.

I was pretty pissed off by this, given it would probably have been less than five minutes in the car vs c.25 minutes' walk. But otoh I do realise it was totally my fault I wasn't in the right place.

WIBU to think he could have been a bit more caring/generous and come and picked me up, despite it being my cock-up?

I didn't say anything at first, but he sort of goaded me when I told him I hadn't actually walked because the weather was atrocious and my shoes weren't very comfortable (I got back on the train for one stop instead). He pulled all sorts of faces and made comments about me being young enough to walk just over a mile, at which point I snapped (but didn't fart) and said he could easily have come to get me.

I apologised (again) for being ratty and things were ok after a few minutes. As far as I know we left on good terms. Just wondering what an impartial observer would think as I must admit I was a little hurt, but also concede I could have over-reacted (partly on account of the thing that was preoccupying me). I think he might have realised he was a bit cavalier as he then bought me lunch.

NB He is a friend, not a boyfriend/partner/DH.

Sorry for the essay!

OP posts:
Sharptonguedwoman · 30/10/2025 08:30

Merryoldgoat · 29/10/2025 17:44

There’s no way I’d have expected you to walk and would l have collected you no problem.

I‘m so sick of the people who seem to think walking is a reflection of your morals, same as the vocal early risers.

Absolutely agree. I'd have just come and picked you up. Your friend is not being a very much of one.

Delatron · 30/10/2025 08:27

It is a bit weird that he just sat there in his car waiting rather than driving 5 minutes to get you.

All I can think is that he spent ages finding a spot and he didn’t want to lose it? I would have still got you though.

5128gap · 30/10/2025 08:13

CaptainMyCaptain · 30/10/2025 07:58

I have to disagree. Was she controlling him by asking him to come? It wouldn't have occurred to me to even ask in her situation. Who is controlling who? She is, if anybody is.

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No. She was not controlling him. He had the car, he had the choices so she had limited means of control even if she'd been minded to. The only way she could have excercised control would be to say if you don't fetch me the meeting is off. She didn't. She did exactly what he told her to do, so no controlling behaviour on her part at all.
I think in your enthusiasm to see her as at fault and him as in the right you are overlooking the facts.

CaptainMyCaptain · 30/10/2025 07:58

5128gap · 30/10/2025 07:20

You're kind of making my point for me. Insisting that another person should or shouldn't walk, based on what you think they should do in the situation, rather than what they have asked of you, is controlling.

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I have to disagree. Was she controlling him by asking him to come? It wouldn't have occurred to me to even ask in her situation. Who is controlling who? She is, if anybody is.

5128gap · 30/10/2025 07:20

CaptainMyCaptain · 30/10/2025 00:42

Why shouldn't she walk a mile along a road in daylight? He's not her chauffeur. Walking through a park in the dark is quite different.

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You're kind of making my point for me. Insisting that another person should or shouldn't walk, based on what you think they should do in the situation, rather than what they have asked of you, is controlling.

BoldBlueZebra · 30/10/2025 07:14

i don’t think this person is your friend. Who wouldn’t go and get a friend in these circumstances- fair warning I would heckle you for being a divvie but I absolutely would come get you. Who are the people who leave friends to walk in the rain fgs

CaptainMyCaptain · 30/10/2025 07:11

PollyBell · 30/10/2025 04:39

No I would not have expected a lift and why are women not capable of walking? if I cant walk in shoes I dont wear them

Exactly this. I'm a woman and I'm perfectly capable of walking a mile in the rain. I would be insulted if anyone thought otherwise.

FrauPaige · 30/10/2025 05:12

ErrolTheDragon · 30/10/2025 00:07

I’m pretty sure my DH would do something as simple as a short lift for a friend. Confused

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@ErrolTheDragon @CurlewKate

Of course people give others lifts. It's not about that. It's about asking for a lift in OPs situation, and then falling out over it.

Men generally don't fall out over micro-slights. Their friendships operate differently. If one was fragile, did ask for a lift, get rejected, then say something, it would have been along the lines of:
"Didn't want to get the leather seats wet then?!"
"Fck no, you lazy bstard!"
"Callus cnt! What are you drinking then?"

And all would have been forgotten - as it would have been in OPs case if she had just arrived on the next train and said: "Sorry to keep you waiting".

Hence why I point out that OP had a date-like mindset with an expectation of chivalry. OP references OLD, so she confirms this herself.

PollyBell · 30/10/2025 04:39

No I would not have expected a lift and why are women not capable of walking? if I cant walk in shoes I dont wear them

NewGirlInTown · 30/10/2025 03:50

He absolutely should have come and collected you.
The time it would have taken you to walk and/or hop back on a train he would presumably just be waiting for you anyway.
I would do this for any friend, male or female.
It’s not the distance, it’s the pouring rain! He was churlish.

Ijwwm · 30/10/2025 02:17

As your friend, my repo se would probably be along the lines of “you absolute muppet! No worries, hang fire - it’s bloody miserable out there today. Give me 10 minutes and I’ll pull up outside the station for you. Once again, you’re a muppet”

No way I’d expect a friend to walk in the pouring rain, especially after being so apologetic. I’d just want to get them warm, dry and to catch up as intended.

CaptainMyCaptain · 30/10/2025 00:42

5128gap · 29/10/2025 20:05

It has similarities. Man enforcing what he thinks a woman should do rather than agreeing to help her do what she wants to do.

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Why shouldn't she walk a mile along a road in daylight? He's not her chauffeur. Walking through a park in the dark is quite different.

mondaytosunday · 30/10/2025 00:25

I would not have hesitated and would have collected you, rain or not. Though if I had got off the wrong stop I would have tried to get the next train, unless there was only one an hour or something, and texted such. If I had received such a text I would have replied ‘don’t worry I’ll come get you’.

CurlewKate · 30/10/2025 00:10

FrauPaige · 29/10/2025 23:16

You should have simply said: "Running late, got off at wrong stop, next train will get me there in 30 mins. Are you ok to wait?"

You asking for the lift was inappropriate, and your being upset at him refusing your request was unreasonable - if this relationship is platonic.

Men don't that do that for their male friends. Men wouldn't ask that of their male friends. He is a man. You are not his romantic partner.

Or was it a low key non-date that you were approaching as a date?

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The men I know would do this for a friend. Or, actually, for someone they knew, even if they weren’t a particular friend. Bizarre for anyone to think otherwise.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/10/2025 00:07

FrauPaige · 29/10/2025 23:16

You should have simply said: "Running late, got off at wrong stop, next train will get me there in 30 mins. Are you ok to wait?"

You asking for the lift was inappropriate, and your being upset at him refusing your request was unreasonable - if this relationship is platonic.

Men don't that do that for their male friends. Men wouldn't ask that of their male friends. He is a man. You are not his romantic partner.

Or was it a low key non-date that you were approaching as a date?

Show quote history

I’m pretty sure my DH would do something as simple as a short lift for a friend. Confused

MamaGarl85 · 29/10/2025 23:29

I would have come and picked you up but then I am a nice person ☺️

Do we not do nice things for our friends anymore?

FrauPaige · 29/10/2025 23:16

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:07

Really not sure how you got that from my OP. I did apologise (as I explicitly said in my OP) and there was no expectation of a lift, just a request. I didn't dress up for him, I just wasn't wearing flat shoes.

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You should have simply said: "Running late, got off at wrong stop, next train will get me there in 30 mins. Are you ok to wait?"

You asking for the lift was inappropriate, and your being upset at him refusing your request was unreasonable - if this relationship is platonic.

Men don't that do that for their male friends. Men wouldn't ask that of their male friends. He is a man. You are not his romantic partner.

Or was it a low key non-date that you were approaching as a date?

No5ChalksRoad · 29/10/2025 21:47

He’s an arsehole.

Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:43

andthat · 29/10/2025 21:40

It’s not a huge imposition or PITA @ThrushorSparrow

Most people outside of mumsnet would have said to their FRIEND ‘stay where you are, I’m on my way!’

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Tbh I was quite shocked when he just baldly sent me a screenshot of directions and said, "You can walk". We'd arranged to meet somewhere convenient to him at his suggestion, and I'd already travelled for over an hour and sat in a cold station for half an hour of that owing to poor connections.

OP posts:
Ncforthistopiced · 29/10/2025 21:42

In the real world a reasonable good friend or relative would have picked you up and had a laugh about it 🤷‍♀️

outerspacepotato · 29/10/2025 21:41

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:32

I have said, quite a few times now, that I didn't "expect" him to do that. I also thought he would prefer to do that to waiting around.

Show quote history

From your OP

asked if he could come and pick me up.
We finished the call so he could check the map, but instead of ringing me back he sent me a location pin and told me to walk. It was about 1.2 miles, mainly along a main road, and absolutely pissing down with rain.
I was pretty pissed off by this, given it would probably have been less than five minutes in the car vs c.25 minutes' walk. But otoh I do realise it was totally my fault I wasn't in the right place.
WIBU to think he could have been a bit more caring/generous and come and picked me up, despite it being my cock-up?

You asked him to come get you. You got pissed when he didn't. You think he should have been "caring and generous". Listen, driving in the rain is a pain. Trying to find parking is a pain and possibly a major issue depending where you are. He might have had to pay twice if it was paid parking. You obviously did expect it and are here trying to get validation for you being mad he didn't come and chauffeur you when it was your screw up to begin with.

andthat · 29/10/2025 21:40

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 17:41

Perhaps as a non-driver I'm missing why this would have been a huge imposition or PITA. Parking, perhaps? (And no, I don't ask this friend for lifts all the time - virtually never in all the time I've known him.)

It’s not a huge imposition or PITA @ThrushorSparrow

Most people outside of mumsnet would have said to their FRIEND ‘stay where you are, I’m on my way!’

dudsville · 29/10/2025 21:37

ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:30

I'm independent too, but I thought (perhaps wrongly) it would be very quick and easy just to nip down the road - and also that he would prefer to do that rather than hang around for half an hour. I didn't think I was asking for the moon.

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Sure, and maybe it wouldn't have been a big request, though clearly he wasn't excited about it, it just never would have even occurred to me to ask, I would've just explained what happened and that I was running late as a result.

5678XXX · 29/10/2025 21:36

Fair enough if he ddnt want to have to pay again for parking or find another space if he'd moved his car, but at the very least he could have walked towards you and walked back together.

Just showing manners/being thoughtful wouldnt have gone amiss

Original poster
ThrushorSparrow · 29/10/2025 21:36

ConcordeSkyHigh · 29/10/2025 21:28

I feel like saying I fucked up and apologising profusely is slightly overdoing it. I'd have either lied and said the train was running late if I thought there's no chance of them checking, or just said sorry doh got off at next stop and my ETA is now X. They weren't going to make you arrive any sooner. Bit wierd they suggested walking in the rain though!

Well it was a fuck-up, albeit a minor one in the scheme of things. I mean I didn't start self-flagellating or anything. I'm not a habitual liar and didn't see any need to make up fibs about what had happened as it was an honest mistake. Also he was waiting at the station so would have seen the train wasn't running late and that I wasn't on it!

OP posts:
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