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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I can go to this baby class?

212 replies

Gerbera55 · 29/10/2025 16:48

Background info:
A friend and I are both teachers so have an understanding of how language development works and how important it is. I am a mum to a 12 week old.
My council have released information about a language development focus baby class they are going to run at a local children’s centre. They haven’t announced cost yet, but based on other classes I have seen, it will likely be free or very low cost.
I saw my friend today and she asked about any classes I have been doing with baby. I told her about the baby massage and sensory classes I have been doing. I mentioned the language development class to her and she told me she thinks I shouldn’t go because I know how to support my baby’s language development, so I should leave the spaces for mums from low income families who can’t afford classes or for those parents who need support with language development.
In one sense I can see where she’s coming from, but equally my maternity pay won’t stretch to the more expensive classes for much longer and also I want to do as much as possible to support my child’s language development, especially with them being August born.

AIBU?

OP posts:
YourLuckyBrickOtter · 29/10/2025 17:21

RJmama · 29/10/2025 17:13

I was kind of with you until that last part?!

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It's just what I see. They rinse the 2nd hand uniform shop because they want to save for holidays and major house renovation and things like that. That's why they push their way in to these kinds of schemes. It frees up money for luxuries.

Ellie1015 · 29/10/2025 17:21

Of course you should go. If the demand was too high then they would have other criteria. If it is open to all you should go.

Also I expect there is always something to learn, and the very early stages of language development might be new to you.

Onmytod24 · 29/10/2025 17:20

Gerbera55 · 29/10/2025 16:58

I’m about as far from middle class living in a gentrified area as you can get! 😂

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You’re a teacher.

AgnesMcDoo · 29/10/2025 17:20

If the class is open to everyone - then its open to everyone.

TenGreatFatSquirrels · 29/10/2025 17:19

YourLuckyBrickOtter · 29/10/2025 16:59

Youre a professional on maternity leave, a teacher right? What does your husband/partner do? Do you own your house or privately rent it?

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The working classes can own their own homes you know…

FuzzyWolf · 29/10/2025 17:19

Gerbera55 · 29/10/2025 17:15

Honestly it’s all about his language skills for me, I’ve made a lovely group of friends from my baby massage class already!

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I honestly think they will tell you what to do to support your child’s language skills and based on your job and posts, I really didn’t think you will learn anything new.

By all means go, assuming you are eligible for it, but be prepared to find you are wasting your time unless you are looking for social interaction as well.

YourLuckyBrickOtter · 29/10/2025 17:19

Gerbera55 · 29/10/2025 17:14

Wow you know everything about my cycling loving husband who DJs whilst pedalling and searching for our latest holiday at the same time.

You seem to have a chip on your shoulder and think I’ve got some kind of mega-wealth. You couldn’t be further from the truth. You haven’t got a clue about my background so
maybe go off the information in my post rather than making ridiculous sweeping statements? I welcome opinions (I wouldn’t have posted if I didn’t) but let’s stick to the facts rather than making up a story to fit your agenda?

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I was just referring to what happens where I live and work. I had no idea your partner cycles. I did go off the information in your post. You are a teacher on maternity leave. To me, professionals arent the ones to be accessing these free community classes. I know they will.regardless because people are grabby but I personally find it very selfish.

YourLuckyBrickOtter · 29/10/2025 17:16

Sirzy · 29/10/2025 17:08

this is also true.

We have a school uniform exchange locally, but at the moment they have an excess of uniform because people who need it often won’t because they worry about the stigma around it. If these things are normalised it helps them become accessible to all so everyone can benefit.

Community support should be open to all as much as possible

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Whereas in my kid's schools, these uniform shops have always been handled by senior members of the PTA or equivalent, who are always middle classed women and the occasional man. The best 2nd hand uniform goes to their buddies so much of what is left for the normal people who aren't in the clique is faded and misshapen. They then brag that they get all uniform 2nd hand and look at us who buy new like we are trying to be Kardashians.

Original poster
Gerbera55 · 29/10/2025 17:15

FuzzyWolf · 29/10/2025 17:11

And that’s why the councils often stop being able to get the funds to run the classes.

OP do you want to improve your child’s language skills or do you just want to get out to socialise? If it’s the latter, then often there are free (or £1) classes run at libraries, churches or local NCT groups where you can meet up with others.

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Honestly it’s all about his language skills for me, I’ve made a lovely group of friends from my baby massage class already!

OP posts:
SomethingInnocuousForNow · 29/10/2025 17:15

YourLuckyBrickOtter · 29/10/2025 17:08

Eta - wrong quote.

Nobody mixes at these classes. What typically happens is that the less advantaged mothers feel intimidated and alienated by the middle classed women and stop attending. Then it is left to those women while their husbands save up for new DJ equipment and other expensive hobbies as well as family holidays and a loft conversion.

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That's why you put them in deprived areas but open them to everyone - see Sure Start model

Original poster
Gerbera55 · 29/10/2025 17:14

YourLuckyBrickOtter · 29/10/2025 17:08

Eta - wrong quote.

Nobody mixes at these classes. What typically happens is that the less advantaged mothers feel intimidated and alienated by the middle classed women and stop attending. Then it is left to those women while their husbands save up for new DJ equipment and other expensive hobbies as well as family holidays and a loft conversion.

Edited
Show quote history

Wow you know everything about my cycling loving husband who DJs whilst pedalling and searching for our latest holiday at the same time.

You seem to have a chip on your shoulder and think I’ve got some kind of mega-wealth. You couldn’t be further from the truth. You haven’t got a clue about my background so
maybe go off the information in my post rather than making ridiculous sweeping statements? I welcome opinions (I wouldn’t have posted if I didn’t) but let’s stick to the facts rather than making up a story to fit your agenda?

OP posts:
RJmama · 29/10/2025 17:13

YourLuckyBrickOtter · 29/10/2025 17:08

Eta - wrong quote.

Nobody mixes at these classes. What typically happens is that the less advantaged mothers feel intimidated and alienated by the middle classed women and stop attending. Then it is left to those women while their husbands save up for new DJ equipment and other expensive hobbies as well as family holidays and a loft conversion.

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I was kind of with you until that last part?!

Digdongdoo · 29/10/2025 17:13

You should go. These classes are often under utilized and end up not running in the future. Bums on seats is good.

User415373 · 29/10/2025 17:11

'also I want to do as much as possible to support my child’s language development'
The class won't about the child learning a skill though. It'll be directed at the parents, and in this scenario is usually aimed at parents who don't know what they have to do to support their child.
I run a baby group and we have a health visitor come and deliver similar sessions and it's all about talking to your baby, not staring at your phone all the time, not putting the baby in front of the TV all day.
The babies that go won't have any advantage over yours. However, of course you can go if you want to!

FuzzyWolf · 29/10/2025 17:11

YourLuckyBrickOtter · 29/10/2025 17:08

Eta - wrong quote.

Nobody mixes at these classes. What typically happens is that the less advantaged mothers feel intimidated and alienated by the middle classed women and stop attending. Then it is left to those women while their husbands save up for new DJ equipment and other expensive hobbies as well as family holidays and a loft conversion.

Edited
Show quote history

And that’s why the councils often stop being able to get the funds to run the classes.

OP do you want to improve your child’s language skills or do you just want to get out to socialise? If it’s the latter, then often there are free (or £1) classes run at libraries, churches or local NCT groups where you can meet up with others.

YourLuckyBrickOtter · 29/10/2025 17:08

Kangarude · 29/10/2025 17:04

What does ‘being August born’ have to do with language development?

Eta - wrong quote.

Nobody mixes at these classes. What typically happens is that the less advantaged mothers feel intimidated and alienated by the middle classed women and stop attending. Then it is left to those women while their husbands save up for new DJ equipment and other expensive hobbies as well as family holidays and a loft conversion.

Sirzy · 29/10/2025 17:08

SomethingInnocuousForNow · 29/10/2025 17:05

It's actually important these classes are see as desirable and attended by the middle classes as well as target groups because that stops them becoming stigmatised and is better for social mixing.

this is also true.

We have a school uniform exchange locally, but at the moment they have an excess of uniform because people who need it often won’t because they worry about the stigma around it. If these things are normalised it helps them become accessible to all so everyone can benefit.

Community support should be open to all as much as possible

ShesTheAlbatross · 29/10/2025 17:07

I think you’re fine to go.

If your friend is right that you know a lot about it already it might be quite dull though.

Original poster
Gerbera55 · 29/10/2025 17:07

Kangarude · 29/10/2025 17:04

What does ‘being August born’ have to do with language development?

It doesn’t but I have seen lots of August born children who have struggled at school due to being a whole year younger than their counterparts. Equally I’ve seen some August born children thrive - doesn’t mean I don’t worry that my child might fall into the former camp. Therefore I want to do everything I can to support my child.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 29/10/2025 17:05

These courses are often “use it or lose it” type things. If enough people go then they will keep on offering them for.

Unless there is a big waiting list or set criteria then go and enjoy it!

SomethingInnocuousForNow · 29/10/2025 17:05

It's actually important these classes are see as desirable and attended by the middle classes as well as target groups because that stops them becoming stigmatised and is better for social mixing.

Original poster
Gerbera55 · 29/10/2025 17:05

HillOf · 29/10/2025 16:57

At 12 weeks, any form of baby class is completely pointless for the baby, and is purely for the accompanying parent who wants to get out if the house. Your baby doesn’t need his language development supported any more than he needs a massage.

I completely agree baby massage was so I could get out of the house and find a few mum friends, baby actually just napped in every session and woke up for the last 5 minutes without fail!

Baby would actually be older than 12 weeks as it isn’t starting until the new year but that may not change your opinion.

OP posts:
Kangarude · 29/10/2025 17:04

What does ‘being August born’ have to do with language development?

YourLuckyBrickOtter · 29/10/2025 17:04

Gerbera55 · 29/10/2025 17:02

’Gentrified area’ - didn’t realise you could see where I lived through Mumsnet.

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It doesnt matter. In fact, if you don't live in a gentrified area, it is likely that the most disadvantaged children this is aimed at are even worse off than they are in an urban gentrified area. So in my view, it would be even more selfish.

Original poster
Gerbera55 · 29/10/2025 17:02

YourLuckyBrickOtter · 29/10/2025 16:59

Youre a professional on maternity leave, a teacher right? What does your husband/partner do? Do you own your house or privately rent it?

Edited
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’Gentrified area’ - didn’t realise you could see where I lived through Mumsnet.

OP posts: