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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can’t stand my mother

33 replies

Roosch · 29/10/2025 14:14

My mother (mid 60s) has had poor sleep for decades. She will be unable to sleep all night (she says) and then be absolutely miserable all day. She is grumpy, irrational and unpleasant. She is easily offended and assumes I am criticising her. She doesn’t answer any questions, which makes chats very difficult.

She is currently staying with me, DH, and our baby and 2yo boy. DH and I both work long hours and are up at night with the kids.

She is always complaining about her lack of sleep when I just want to say to her that I wish I had the opportunity to sleep. Compared to her day I am sure that we have it harder.

I know that I am probably not empathetic enough to her but I am so fed up of her complaining! I avoid asking her “how did you sleep” because I just don’t want to know anymore.

Can anyone (mums or daughters) give me some advice on how to manage my feelings about my mother.

YABU = have more empathy for your mother, she does have it harder.
YANBU = your mother is annoying and needs to hold herself together

OP posts:
SailingYachty · 29/10/2025 14:33

Well I wouldn’t be inviting her to stay then! My mother is a narcissist and is constantly complaining about everything, I find small doses of her much easier to deal with.

ChampagneJen · 29/10/2025 14:31

Dont have her stay with you. Tell her you are not going to be talking any more to her about sleep if she doesn’t see a professional about it. She could probably whack up her melotonin - look at the doses you can easily buy OTC in the states and elsewhere.

Original poster
Roosch · 29/10/2025 14:31

takealettermsjones · 29/10/2025 14:18

Well, prolonged lack of sleep is hellish. What is she doing to address it? Could you offer to go to GP with her? What was she like before the sleep issues started?

I really wish she would just sleep? Honestly her life is quite good compared to all the problems other people have.

She takes melatonin, avoids coffee, goes for walks. My father and I have learnt to not raise any interesting conversation topics with her as they alway wind up upsetting her somehow.

I understand sleep deprivation as I am being woken many times at night with 2 babies - so to me it feels ironic that she is the one complaining!

I feel bad that I don’t enjoy her company, but she is so negative, boring and easily offended.

OP posts:
dontlikethings · 29/10/2025 14:29

Don't invite her to stay with you again.

HessianSack · 29/10/2025 14:28

The worst is someone who just wants to moan and does nothing to improve their situation e.g. see a doctor. This would drive me mad as well.

Changeforsquizzers · 29/10/2025 14:26

My advice would be to reduce contact with her as I doubt she is capable of changing her behaviour. My mother is similar, always moaning about something and so selfish and self-centred.

Original poster
Roosch · 29/10/2025 14:23

She has had sleep issues all her life that I’ve known her. She blames pregnancy with me for her sleep issues!

She takes melatonin. She tries not to stress but she does stress. She won’t see a GP or sleep specialist. She acts like a vulnerable invalid but I really don’t want to treat her like one. I don’t want to have to look after her like I would a child - it’s too early for that stage.

Honestly I just want to vent about my mum because I can’t do so with anyone in real life. She would be gutted if she ever overheard.

I really really don’t want to become like my mother.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 29/10/2025 14:18

Well, prolonged lack of sleep is hellish. What is she doing to address it? Could you offer to go to GP with her? What was she like before the sleep issues started?