Unsolicited rude video

You can bet your last penny he is sending sausage selfies to other women too. Anyone lacking those boundaries have no problem doing that, and has no problem performing to their video camera on their phone. Technology sure has brought out the worst in mankind. Back in my day, at least the flashers had to find a big coat, and go out in the park to perform their disgusting habits. Nowadays all they need is broadband.

Of course if it was a colossal turn-off for you, and you'd already told him you had no interest in receiving explicit photos, YANBU to dump him.

Personally, I don't really understand the viscerally horrified reaction that people are having on this thread to the mere idea of receiving pictures/video of someone's dick when it's a dick you're already intimately acquainted with. For me, if I'm happy to get up close and personal with it in real life, I'm more than happy to see it in pictures. And outside the realms of Mumsnet, lots of women (including me) do like watching their partner touch himself. It's also a very popular category of porn for women.

I do find it interesting that everyone is saying 'Eww, gross, disgusting, what woman would ever want to receive a pic/video of their boyfriend wanking' because I'd really like receiving that from someone, providing I was already in a sexual relationship with them, and I definitely know plenty of other women who would too. I wouldn't send them pics or video in return, but I'd happily receive them.

Do the people who find it gross to see that in a video also find it gross to see their partner touch themselves in real life? Would you never want him watch him do that in the bedroom either? (Genuine question, no judgement.)

Of course I'm not saying you (or any of the other people on the thread) are wrong - each to their own and you are completely entitled to feel the way you feel. And of course he should never have done it if you'd specifically told him that wasn't something you were into. I guess I just hadn't realised it was something so many people would be shocked about.

It’s fine cos you already had sex

He’s shown you he’s a sexual boundary crosser at this early stage. You said you didn’t want wank videos and he sent you one anyway.

If you “accept” this behaviour you won’t be able to trust him in bed because you might say,for example, “I don’t want to be strangled” and he might do it anyway; if you allow him to cross one sexual boundary, he’ll see you as agreeing to have all sexual boundaries crossed.

I’d be very wary of this man.

Men are so stupid about dick pics and wanking videos. They think their penis looks like something that God created. They think their dick is a massive marvel and that a woman will be wowed when she sees it.

Eh no , dick pics are just ugly. And most women are disgusted by them.

I was actually chatting to a gay male friend abiut dick pics once. I said "why do you think men send dick pics

He said "because men think that their penis is the most beautiful thing to ever exist. It is like a statue. They want to show off how amazing it is. They think women will be impressed".

I said "most women just think that penises in dick pics look ugly".

He said "men would never be able to even grasp that concept of what women think. They are so convinced that their penis looks amazing"

I can top this story.

I was dating a man from tinder. On the fifth date, we had sex and I was lying in bed. I rolled over the other way for a moment. He grabbed his mobile phone. I rolled back and saw him taking a picture of his erect penis and texting it to someone else.

While he was in bed with me!

Men are like dogs. This same man said it to me himself he said on an earlier date to me that "men are like monkeys, all they think about is sex".

Luckily I wasnt emotionally invested in this guy and I got rid of him.

But they are awful!

I hate them and I’m incredibly sexual.

I’d make it clear that’s not a turn on for you.

I’d tell him if it turns him on to watch himself he can enjoy his own videos, but most women do not find them sexy.

They like the thrill

Now you know why he's still single, when the first few weeks pleasant

I am not policing anyone, but I take note that you patronisingly call me "an idiot" for having a different opinion. 😂

You are acting a lot worst than the "men" you hate, and if don't get intimidated by men, I am sure not going to be intimidated by the likes of you.

And yes, it's possible to be female and have an opinion, spare me the "you must be a man" because you ran out of arguments.

Just reminding you that mumsnet is not a "woman's forum" though 😂

Knob!
he’s clearly done this before, real life sex isn’t enough for him- grim, dump

With 1 in 3 women being subjected to sexual abuse you look like an idiot policing women’s language about men. Too many of us have received similar vile videos or had awful experiences to care about watching what we say about them on a woman’s forum. If there’s a man here who’s upset he can speak for himself.

Would you say the same about it if he’d tried to penetrate her without consent just becuase they’d had sex 10 mins earlier, or becuase she’d said 10 mins wilier she wanted sex?
this is whole point of consent.
you need explicit consent for each act.
she explicitly said she wasn’t into videos etc
but even if she hadn’t …she also had not agreed before he sent the images.

luckily the law now recognises this. It is a crime.

same as if he wanted her to have a cup of tea. Simple
https://www.google.com/search?q=consent+is+like+tea&client=safari&sca_esv=4371f740622c0d3e&channel=ipad_bm&sxsrf=AE3TifP-62yPhE6OX3GM0n1Z_j2Rq60i8Q%3A1761746485555&source=hp&ei=NR4Cac7aH4_rhbIPhLCRkQs&iflsig=AOw8s4IAAAAAaQIsRd8-ijnGm6uXQF7mjY8tiINAN2fh&oq=comsent+is+lime&gs_lp=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-pkgcEMTEuNaAH648BsgcEMTAuNbgHuAvCBwgxLjIuMTAuM8gHSg&sclient=gws-wiz#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:b497b738,vid:oQbei5JGiT8,st:0

I would definitely call it a day.

I’ve had bottles of milk in my fridge for longer than 5 weeks.

Foul. What the fuck are men thinking??
Do they really think that women like that sort of thing?
I’m sure they’d love to receive a similar video from their partner, but they can’t be that bloody clueless.

It’s fucking weird and totally inappropriate to send something like this out of the blue, but:

I had told him previously I am not interested in the sharing of intimate photos

I think this is what makes it unforgivable. He knew, without a doubt, that you’re not interested in even receiving photos like this…so he went one step further and sent a video. This feels suspiciously like a man testing your boundaries, and it’d be entirely reasonable to call it a day over this, especially as you’ve only been seeing him for five weeks.

I suppose it depends entirely on you.

Do you think you can get over this? If not 100% then finish it. Regardless of him becoming a saint if you cant move on then its pointless.

Or if you think you can move on but only if he apologises and has an adult conversation with you and accepts that the way he acted was disgusting to you and he must never ever go down that route or anything similar again. You need to make it clear to him that this includes any future thoughts on sexual practices he 'thinks' may be fun etc.

You are 8 dates in. Have said he is nice and pretty normal. You have had sex 3 times so he may not have introduced you to his other preferences in bed yet. Lots to deal with but if, and only if you feel you can move on then have the adult chat.

In fairness “most” could be 51% of men. When you consider the amount of men addicted to porn , even amount of men being convicted of viewing child pornography, it’s hardly a gross exaggeration.

A large % Men appear woefully informed about what consent is, what the law is on abuse, pornography, sexual crimes etc. it doesn’t hurt them till they fall foul of it. Whereas women have to navigate a world being exposed to these behaviours all their lives. So yes, women have to train men on what is legal and acceptable behaviour. No one else is.

yep, the “not all men” is true. But those men are tuning out to who is creating hte problems and doing nothing about it. I don’t see those “not all men” being active around closing down porn hub, legislating male mp tightening up on abuse laws , battling against the acceptance of prostitution as legitimate “sex work”, jumping up and making noise about the increase in any trafficking though surrogacy and the misuse and entitlement of women’s bodies. Mostly they stay quite and say nowt cos it doesn’t impact them one jot.

I don't agree with the video, or even see why would anyone be interested in making one or sending one, but when 2 people are having sex AND engaging in sex talk, it's not that outrageous.

For some people, sex talk on phone/ messages/ whatsapp IS unsolicited, unpleasant and just a big no.

Jus tell him, yuk , block and move on. No need to be offended on the OP's behalf.

I dont think I could ever look at him the same way again.

He knew you didn’t want to see that and sent it anyway. He doesn't respect your boundaries. Therefore he doesn’t respect you.

Please see it for what it is.

It isn’t normal, isn’t romantic, it isn’t sensitive, it isn’t thoughtful. It’s disrespect and self obsession. I also think it’s a bit of a power trip on his behalf.

You had 8 dates, be thankful it wasn’t 30. Say I don’t think we are right for each other and end it. Without fail he will be sending a wanking video to another women pretty soon.

Then you can find someone lovely, that listens when you have a boundary and respects it.

men with similar views sharing their "views" on a forum.. doesn't mean they're a majority.

Or do you conclude from MN that all women are obsessed with housework, hate having friends let alone hosting them, hate going on holiday and think of nothing else than watch tv every evening, and spend their weeekends in their PJS watching tv, batch cooking and changing bed sheets and towels? Thanks 😂

No! You told him you didn’t want to share intimate pics.