Unsolicited rude video

so gross. I've told my H many times that if I die or we were to split up he must remember that NO WOMAN on earth wants wants a photo of his penis and the poor old goat looks at me like I'm crazy.

I always say 'I've just read yet another woman got an unsolicited dick pic that's why I'm reminding you dear' 😅

It's so disgusting and I can't fathom why any man would think it's a good idea but apparently many of them do bc it keeps happening. Sexy text chat is not an invitation for a jerk off video ewwww

It's the one thing that really puts me off dating again the thought of getting wank videos from guys online 🤢🤢

I agree with op who said you should speak to him and then decide after that

The suggestion of implied consent is very uncomfortable, and it’s not something I’d be educating a man I’ve known for five weeks about.

Honestly, I’d just say “I don’t like that. Please don’t do it again” and then his reaction will be the red flag. Yes it’s not very nice and is an ick but you said otherwise he was nice. Just be honest with him and go from there.

Err, no I didn’t miss that post. I would still want to end things after the video, regardless of having started a sexual relationship. Sending an unsolicited sex act video is like chucking sex at someone. It’s uninvited and not consensual or something I would enjoy. It’s disrespectful. No way.

The bullet you've dodged is being further involved with him. I'd block him and end it.

I think a lot of people are missing your later post where you say you already slept with him a few times. That changes things a bit. I think most posters are assuming it's the first time you saw him naked in a sexual way which is far more shocking. The fact that you were already talking about a previous sexual experience with him does blur the lines a bit.

At what point in a relationship do we stop asking for consent? If my husband wants to walk into the bedroom when I'm getting changed he doesn't ask for consent. If I want to slap him on the bum when I'm walking past at home I also don't ask him for consent. Perhaps he felt you were now in an established relationship and so he wasn't crossing any boundaries?

To be clear, I'm not saying that he's innocent, but I can see where the confusion lies and why he might not have realised it wasn't welcome.

The real key is how he reacts when you tell him how uncomfortable it made you feel. I think a frank conversation is needed.

Yes, I have to agree - I don't think a passing joke about 'didn't think you were that kind of guy', before you'd ever slept with him, is really making it clear that you would be disgusted to receive intimate pics once you were in an established sexual relationship.

@ThatJollyGreySquid YANBU OP. I love sex, but find dick-pics (even worse videos!) an absolute turn-off. And the thing is, you'd made it clear to him in your previous texts that you do too. If you want to respond to him (I'm not saying you should), I would do so quoting your previous text and saying how disappointed you are because you think it should have been clear to him, from that text, that you aren't into dick-pics at all. The way he responds after that should tell you if you want to give him a second chance (assuming you haven't already made that decision).

Are you serious? She’s been seeing the guy five weeks and slept with him 3 times. They clearly were not texting to the extent shed welcome this. Or even know each other well enough, the simple fact she’s slept with him 3 times doesn’t change it. They aren’t at the stage in their relationship where she welcomes this and quite frankly he should have asked first. Just as you “really like it” doesn’t mean you’re in the majority.

Tbh it wouldn't have bothered me if we had slept together previously and were having sexy chat at the time- but maybe im a pervert going off all the other responses hahaha.

Either way, im not saying hes right in what he did - as obviously it has impacted you. But perhaps hes dated other people like me and missread the situation.

If you really like him I'd just explain you arent into that sort of thing, just say you get turned on with the verbal rather than visual. If he doesnt respect this then maybe call it a day.

Do any women like receiving dick pics/videos? I know my gay male friends send them but that makes more sense given generally men get turned on by visuals

I know two wrongs don't make a right, but I'd be tempted to find a random wanking video on the internet and send it back to him. If he complains about being sent it, then he'll know how you feel!

If you want to potential keep seeing him I think you need to tell him exactly how unhappy you are about what he did. If he minimises it then you’ll know to end it. If he’s mortified and apologetic, and just a bit out of his depth with modern dating, you could try to get past it on the understanding that it never happens again. My instinct is to say ditch him, by I appreciate that’s easy to say when I’ve been happily married since before it was possible to do this sort of thing.

What would worry me is whether that video was for you or if it’s something he has sent to other women in the past. My gut would say the latter and that would kill any attraction for me

You are not making any sense.

It was disrespectful for him to send the video. This is a huge red flag. I would end it.

Zanyzebra.

I am not policing anyone, but I take note that you patronisingly call me "an idiot" for having a different opinion. 😂
You are acting a lot worst than the "men" you hate, and if don't get intimidated by men, I am sure not going to be intimidated by the likes of you.
And yes, it's possible to be female and have an opinion, spare me the "you must be a man" because you ran out of arguments.
Just reminding you that mumsnet is not a "woman's forum" though 😂

Yeah but that was before you’d had sex with him …

I get why you are grossed out but I’d honestly just have a proper face to face conversation with him. Rather than going frosty / ghosting. Unless of course there is no going back for you …

Personally I can see why he’s made a genuine stupid error of judgment. You were engaging in sexual talk about your mutual shared experience - became aroused and clearly thought it was appropriate to share a video of that arousal to you. Clearly he needed to find out for sure this would be welcome but it feels much more contextual to me than an unsolicited dick pic or video.

At the start of online dating I make it very clear that I don’t do pictures, sex talk anything of that nature. But I wouldn’t expect that to taken as forever after once we started having sex and talking about sex in messages.

Given he’s otherwise decent plus a generous skilled lover unless other red flags I’d discuss and see his response.

I don’t think that is particularly clear that you NEVER want to receive intimate pics. Not defending him, I’ve done OLD and received my fair share of unsolicited ones!

For me it depends on how much you like him. You could have a conversation about it and move on. But if not then of course end it.

Who are you writing that to?

As far as I can see, no one wrote that they hated men

You are acting a lot worst than the "men" you hate,

What a stupid thing to say. Go cry somewhere else because someone said something about some men that you’ve never met.

The more that ive dated men recently , the more i think i want to turn lesbian

I think that it shows an utter lack of empathy in men who do this.. THEY want to see pictures of women wanking because it turns them on. So they assume, because of course everyone thinks exactly like they do, that women will want to see pictures of THEM wanking and it will turn them on.

They cannot understand that a lot of women do not think the same way, that many women are turned on differently, and they presume to believe that if they like it, you will like it.

And the lack of empathy is often visible elsewhere in their lives.