AIBU to not let DS go out with friends unless he specifies where

But isn’t it just pleasant conversation and a sharing of lives for folk who live together? My girls are excited to tell me about things they enjoy or are doing as I am them.

Why do you feel the need to be so controlling?

I thought he was going to be much younger. I wouldn't think he'd even know what he was doing when he left the house - I certainly didn't at that age and would have no way to tell my parents anyway.

My daughter is 12 and she still tells me what she's doing but I doubt she will by 16. I think a general timing is fair enough, and an agreement that he'll text you back if you text him etc but otherwise - how would he know what he's doing before he meets up with his friends?

If my husband was expecting this level of details, I would call him abusive and frankly tell him to f** off.

I expect details because we have kids to manage, and it's important to make sure one adult is available and the kids are safe- that's parenting.

A full questionnaire about "who you are with, where, what are you doing" is just insane unless you are in Primary school.

Details to know who is expected for diner, that others are aware that parent will be taking sibling to club etc.. at certain time is for logistic, but everything else is ridiculous.

"I don't know if I will be back for diner, just ignore me" is more than enough.

Honestly, at that age I would just meet up with friends and we then decide what we were doing on the day. We didn't always have plans beforehand, we often didn't.

But they aren’t likely to be going to anywhere off the beaten track. The places you’ve mentioned I’d just class as “London” (and I work in one of them)

For most children who don't live in/very near London, they have probably not been there without adults at a much earlier age than 16 and go there infrequently. They are not likely to be going "off the beaten track" (which those places are if you're not familiar with London, with the possible exception of Camden Market).

Jesus no. He’s 16, not 6!

Yep.

All 600 square miles of it!

Actually if anyone in the house was going out somewhere I apply the same rules, including to myself, so it's no different whether you are 16 or 54. Where are you going, who are you with, what time will you be back. Basic safety and respect. We don't track each other on apps though and call one another if plans change or we are going to be late.

My 14.5 yo goes out with his friends. He doesn’t always know where they’re going.

I can see on his phone app where he is if needed. I trust him.

what are you planning on doing when, in less than a year, he decides to move out and live in that same area - or worst, because it's unlikely he will have a massive budget.

At 18, he'll still be a teenager but he will also be an adult legally, living alone without mummy.

That was my point.

And to those who think I'm mollycoddling, my mum did the same 30 years ago when I was going into Manchester.

He’s 16! You will push him away completely if you continue to treat him as if he’s 5.

But it’s all London, to those of us who live outside!

With DD2 (16) I'd like to know what area of London they are going to, who she is going with, what their plans are and what time she'll be back. And they only go up in the daytime. And she has no problem with that.

I find these responses quite strange.

it isn’t about keeping tabs on him, more just general politeness/friendliness in a household.

maybe I’m lucky in that my house is just female, but we want to talk to each other, to share our lives. I hadn’t realised that was unusual.

so ‘I’m going with Sue to Covent Garden today, there’s a cool shop there we want to check out’ would be normal. And on the return, a fashion shoot of the purchase. Etc.

I expect my 16 year old to tell me roughly where he's going. Apart from anything else, more often than not I'll be asked to bring him home later, and I need to know if it's likely to be the village down the road or the city 20 miles away.

Really? They wouldn’t go to Camden or Greenwich or Shoreditch? Westfield White City or Westfield Stratford? None of which are anywhere near each other.

@SanFranBear Yep it’s different here. But I’d still talk to my teenagers about safety regardless, my parents did in a middle-sized English town decades ago. Still had some drugs and gangs even then.

Are you outside the UK? I think people being regularly shot isn't common in any of our cities, even the big bad London but if you're somewhere guns are legal, it's a very different situation...

OP - I agree with majority of posters here, fully charged phone is all I insist upon (my DD is 16) and whether I'm likely to see her for dinner. DS is much more of a homebody but even at his age (14), the 'vague' answers you're getting would be enough for me.

It's so tricky to let go but 16 feels like a good age to do that...

I do think on threads giving advice as to teenage DC it’s useful to know the personal situation of posters giving advice. When people are talking of their own teenage years, I think life is very different now, especially if you were a teen in the 80s/90s. And even those of us who have DC in their 20s, things have perhaps changed for teenagers now, where we’re still seeing the impact of the lockdown months on their confidence and relationships.

@TheZanyZebra You really have no idea what high crime cities are like. We live in a city where people are regularly shot so of course all parents talk to their teenagers about where to avoid. Are you honestly saying that you wouldn’t tell your teenager that an attempted rape had taken place in what we’d assumed was a safe area? If so, you must be daft.

If Mummy didn’t talk to her teenager about it, she could be identifying him in the morgue-seriously, you have no idea.

Edit to add that I’ve just looked at the local news and a 15-year-old was shot last night. He survived, thank goodness.

Loosen the reigns a little ffs. He's 16 not 6!