BIL hijacking dinner

I couldn’t cope with the drama the kids are 6
when he arrives with it tell him you’ll do it it after you’ve all eaten it will take 5 minutes hardly hi jack the evening

honestly it move of an effort to sabotage it then just let the twins have 5 minutes

life is to short

birthday cake for kids your cake for adults

🤣 Yes, do this!

You risk looking massively petty if you object. Just go with it and include your DS. The kids will love it and everyone will enjoy the cake. Life is too short to fall out over something so small. It's a FAMILY gathering. It's not all about you.

Your husband sounds like a complete doormat.
They had a large party for their twins and didn't invite you, but now tries to hijack your dinner?

He knows your husband is a soft mug.
Yanbu to want to push back.

I mean to be holding on to a family member bringing cake to celebrate his twins two tears ago is really petty. You could’ve brought cake celebrate your DS?
I wouldn’t mind him bringing cake to celebrate his twins this time round either tbh

If the BIL is that desperate for “just a bit of cake and a song with family”… well, he could have invited them all to the twins party last week .

Better idea. Get one 6 candle and one 9 candle and watch everyone try not to laugh

The three little cupcakes for the three children is nice though

It’s a good idea.

I think your DH does need to tell his brother that when he said you’re baking a cake, he didn’t mean a birthday cake, as it’s not a birthday celebration, just a dinner.

As with previous PP’s I would be clear about saying no, I would also hide the cake and bring out slices without pre empting it (avoid any sneaky candles).

If he still wants to jump on and throw out a happy birthday I would say no, this cake is for SIL, then bring out 3 cupcakes (held in reserve) to celebrate all three children. I would make a very clear comment on the fact your DS has recently had a birthday, as a reminder (does he even pay attention to anyone’s birthdays apart from his own DC? Maybe he needs constant reminding).

But I am quite petty.

It’s the fact he ignores your DS (again - has he ever bothered to remember?) that would annoy me.

Just have a joint cake for all the birthdays. Job done.

I can't imagine having family members round near a celebration day and not wanting to acknowledge it. Your having family round for a fun time, a little birthday cake should be enjoyable, I really don't get your issue.

Yeah, and it's AIBU so I think she is U to let it bother her. That's the point of the thread and really the entire board.

We usually see BIL and his family twice a year, once at SIL house and once at our house. We are never invited to their house.

Take this as a sign to stop inviting this prick of a BIL to your house.

It does matter to OP. You are not the arbiter of what matters.

YANBU at all. Message BIL and say it would upset your 9yo so he can’t do this.

It's just a cake. It doesn't matter. Does your DS want another cake? You can make an extra one for him and do happy birthday again or just let BIL crack on. It'll be over in seconds and mean nothing to anyone else

covering it with clingfilm first, to avoid the saliva-on-cake problem = genius idea i saw on here a while ago
This isn't a genius idea. It's a weird prissy idea perpetuated by obsessive germphobes and if I ever saw it in real life I'd roll my eyes inside out.

When you talk about 'hijacking' cake and 'using your celebration' for his twins, what else will this entail beyond singing happy birthday?

It's a bit of cake and maybe a song with family for goodness sake. Nothing is being hijacked. All this mentioning of "celebrating" the twins is just hyperbolic nonsense.

Are they going to be paraded around your neighbourhood on golden thrones with people doffing their caps and strewing rose petals? No, you're just having a bit of cake after dinner.

I’d reframe this away from your BIL and swing towards “there’s 3 family birthdays to celebrate”. I’d stick a 6, 6 and 9 candle on the cake you were already going to make and use that. Take back control and focus on the children, not your BIL.

To all the people berating the OP for not wanting to celebrate her nephews birthday I think you're missing the point.

The OP is quite rightly pissed off with her BIL for never hosting himself but repeatedly hijacking events hosted by others for his own benefit. I didn't know why you'd think that was OK?

OP I think given that your dh, who is going to be cooking for everyone and whose family it is, has tried to shut it down but has now said to leave it you have to respect his wishes though. Although it would piss me off too! And if he did try to hijack your cake I'd definitely make sure your ds is also celebrated.

I think you are being a little bit serious about this, I think I would pre cut the cake and put a candle in each of the kids’ slices so they have something to blow out.

I’d get your dh to say “how about we come to yours for cake instead one day soon?”

They are your nephews. I would want to sing Happy Birthday to my 6 year old nephews. Why not get the family to sing Happy Birthday to your son at the same time. I am sure all 3 children would enjoy it.

Do you have to keep inviting BIL and his family? Can't you just drop the rope and start leaving them out, just like they're happy to leave you out?