‘Excuse me’ - why the reaction??

I think the various responses on the thread indicate that there isn’t an easy answer to this.
sometimes if I’m not in a rush (for example in a shop) I’ll linger nearby till a person has finished. Otherwise you run the risk of someone assuming that I think I’m better than them and too impatient to wait my turn. However sometimes people will snap ‘ you only had to say excuse me!’
Some people are rude, some people are extremely impatient. Others are very slow. Some people are always in a rush. Some people love an excuse for drama or aggression, others love to take offence. Some have mobility issues meaning they are going to take a while. Add a lack of self awareness (which many people suffer from) and some self absorption and there’s a risk it can all too easily kick off!

Well yes. That’s what excuse me means. There’s nothing wrong with that.

https://tenor.com/bkpu7.gif

I agree generally that you see a lot more boorish behaviour in public now.

But ‘excuse me’ can sometimes be rude. I’ve met children who’ve clearly been taught to say it, but they think it gives then a free pass to interrupt conversations (with non-urgent crap), which is just as rude as a plain interruption. They just butt in, repeating ‘excuse me’ more and more insistently. But they’re children.

I’ve been looked daggers at when I said “After you” to a young woman as I held open the door of a shop. Couldn’t work out how it could have offended her, but later concluded she wasn’t used to good manners and genuinely thought I was being sarcastic.

There are some weird people out there…many haven’t been house-trained unfortunately.

Ok, I know what you mean OP. But on the other hand, sometimes I have waited patiently to get my place, at say, the cheese counter, then started to make my selection and someone says, “Excuse me,” and expects me to move instantly. That come over as entitled and I reply “Yes, in a moment,” but I like saying something much more sarcastic, like “I’m so so sorry your majesty, I didn’t realise it was you!”

I sort of get it. Someone saying excusing me is usually telling you to move. I can see why people’s initial reaction would be arsey

I agree.
A smiling 'Excuse me, could I reach past and pick up one of those... thank you.' is not the same as a curt 'Excuse me' while already barging past.
Come to think of it, a child expecting a teacher to move out of the way when the teacher is presumably on duty and doing something at the school gates for a reason, is a bit much. Could DS not have walked round another way?

Haha i think i am one of these people - I find 'excuse me' rude and abit pushy , I always say 'sorry' by default and somehow feel it's more considerate and less of a demand.

Im not saying I am right, but thats how I feel in the moment and my face probably reflects it.

Nobody said that. You've made that up. They said "it depends on the tone" which it DOES. I've had people say excuse me to me in a ridiculously impatient and somewhat aggressive tone, maybe if I haven't noticed them trying to get past in the supermarket when it's busy or something. If the child/mother is saying it with that kind of tone, you can understand the reaction.

Whenever I say excuse me, I say it gently and politely, and without exception the response is something like "oh sorry love" and they let me pass.

Politeness costs nothing. Attitude and the thought that where YOU need to be is more important than anything and anyone else really is the problem.

If you feel like everyone around you has an attitude towards you..... yeah, maybe YOU are the problem.

Yes-I’ve also noticed this. People get defensive!

Excuse me please is much better.

It's been hijacked as a way of saying that someone is in the way and slowing down your very important life. Original it was the tone that indicated that was how people were using it, but now it's nearly always taken as meaning that even without the tone.
Add the 'sorry' straight after and a thanks when they begin to move, with a smile, and all is generally good.

A worker in Iceland yesterday said a really sharp ‘excuse me’ as I was browsing and he was stocking the shelf. Made me jump and yes it came across as rude - the tone I assume.

I tend to say ‘sorry’ if I’m navigating past someone or I wait longer than probably necessary and they tend to move eventually. That never really gets me any eye rolls or sharp inhales so I keep doing it as I can’t be bothered with drama.

My DS often says excuse me when I’m busy and in his way but he has waited less than a second and expects me to move so I tell him no he can wait and I’ll move when I’m done, assuming it’s less than a minute, which it usually is.

I find "excuse me" quite rude, and I find "excuse me please" to be just as rude. It sounds abrupt and passive aggressive. It's basically saying "get out of my way".

If someone is blocking the aisle with their trolley I'll say "Sorry" quite loudly and they usually turn around. I follow it up with a 'Thank you' pretty quickly.

If I need to squeeze out of a train seat passed someone I'll start moving and say "Sorry" in an apologetic tone.

If someone is in the way when I'm trying to get to a shelf in the shop I'll either wait for them to move, or say "So sorry, is it ok to just squeeze past? Thanks so much".

The only time I'll say "excuse me" is if I'm trying to get someone's attention because they've dropped something. Then it's more like a cheery "Excuse me! You've dropped your glove!"

Did anyone say please, thst might help.

I only ever say, excuse me please. So someone just saying excuse me personally comes across rude in my opinion.

I don’t know if it’s a new thing or it’s always been this way, but I think (for some reason) “excuse me” does sound slightly more aggressive (I don’t know why, shouldn’t be that way) than “sorry”. Thinking about it, when someone’s in my way in a shop I tend to say “sorry” or “sorry can I just squeeze through” rather than excuse me, for that reason. So bloody British! I do find myself getting slightly annoyed when someone just says “excuse me” to me. Ridiculous really that we’ve descended into this paranoid politeness!
Has it always been like this?!

I don't understand it either. I saw a lady with a small baby in a pram passing through the wide gates at a train station. There were people standing right behind the gate and she could not get past them with her pram.

She said excuse me please very politely. She was ignored. She said it a couple more times and still she was ignored. They saw her as they looked at her and carried on talking.

She finally yelled EXCUSE ME I AM GOING TO MISS MY TRAIN.

They finally rutted and moved over and said how rude she was once she had passed

Where the hell did people's manners and self awareness go.

Same with huge groups of people chatting on pavements - they ignore excuse me ao you ended up in the road the pass them.

Are you saying please?

Yes, the entire world is going to hell in a hand basket because you have experienced a few people doing weird things.

Excuse me on its own can be a bit abrupt and agree with PP tone is everything.

I find most non native English speakers use ‘excuse me’ as more of a command and it comes out bloody rude. I guess they don’t know the meaning of it and think it’s a free pass to elbow their way past you.

This is such a British thread 🤣

"How many times is it appropriate to say 'sorry' to reach the cheese in Waitrose?"

I don’t think I ever say excuse me, I tend to say ‘sorry, can I just get past you please’.

This is the norm now