Baby name remorse

I have always thought it would be good (if not really workable) to live with your baby for a while before finalizing their name - to see if it really feels right for them. Unfortunately calling the baby Thing 1 or Thing 2 did not go down well.

OP, are you putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make the perfect decision? Do you feel like you just have to put up with the choice you made? Realistically, your baby wont care at this point. Why is your DP not supportive? Does he think this is just a phase of yours? Does he not like what you want to change it to?

Being honest do you think if you changed her name tomorrow that you wouldn't then find another thing to worry about or focus on? As I said this really doesn't sound like it's about the name at all.

Did you ever like her name?

I was sad about my first baby’s name for a bit (even though her name is beautiful), she is 9 now and is very much her name! It’s only occurred to me today after reading your thread and another about names that my second kids first and middle name sounds like words linked to a toilet/waste. So there you go! The name is very classic though and it totally suits them thankfully 😅

Just change it then?

No. I like my name better that the one they gave me first. Also it's nice to know my mum made the effort to change it.

Have you spoken to your midwife? I would continue to try and get support, I suspect if it wasn't the name you would probably have focused on something else. It does sound like PND.

If I were you and not wanting to use the name or introduce her to people, I would get the name changed. It's not that unusual to do this. I myself had a different name for my first few months. Your baby will not mind.

I have read the thread but haven't actually seen it answered but have you spoken to someone about PND because I strongly suspect this is not just about the name but you're fixating on the name because that feels easier than working through the real problem.

Ok, hating it so much you aren’t calling your DD by her name is a real problem. Have you developed some other pet name for her instead? Because if you are still just referring to “the baby” I can really imagine that getting in the way of bonding with her.

When you say you hate the nicknames, do you hate all possible nicknames or just some? Because if you hate the only obvious one, that’s tricky, eg naming a child Christopher but not wanting him called Chris. Whereas if it’s something like Alexander which could be Alex or Xander, you can pick which you use and steer it that way.

I agree with the PP check this isn’t some other anxiety and when this is resolved it’s replaced with another worry which can sometimes happen with PNA/PND I think

I agree with this. Broadly there’s 2 kind of name regrets: PND induced anxiety that fixates on the name being wrong; and non PND genuine dislike often linked to not having advocated enough for their view at the time.

Me too. I cannot see myself agreeing to this.

But it wasn’t jointly made that’s the point. DH suggested it and OP went along with it but she was never 100% and now she’s even less so.

So OP compromised but she feels she can’t. The compromise outcome is to find a new name they’re both happy with.

FWIW my daughter's name was originally suggested by her father (who I'm no longer married to).

I went with it at the time, partly in the absence of any strong alternatives and also because it was his grandmother's name and he felt far more passionate about it than I did so he sort of won by advocating harder than I did. It's a non English name and relatively uncommon and distinctive. I never hated it but I felt very strongly that it wasn't my choice and that I'd done it out of inertia. For a couple of months after her birth I wanted to change it but didn't and I now love it (as does she). It's beautiful and distinctive and its very much "her name".

You can always change a baby's name if you feel very strongly about it but you may possibly want to give it a bit more time to "sit with it" before you do anything.

I’ve been in this situation before and we changed DC name. You need to talk to your husband about all the reasons it doesn’t feel right for you. Write these down if it’s easier as he can then take his time thinking rather than it turn into an argument or emotional discussion. In our case looking back if we had stuck with DC original name I think they would have suited it as they sort of become their name. Pleased we changed it though and can’t really imagine them with a different name now. I agree with the PP check this isn’t some other anxiety and when this is resolved it’s replaced with another worry which can sometimes happen with PNA/PND I think. I suspect from what you’ve said the name may be Ophelia? If so I think it’s a lovely name but recently I’ve seen negative word associated with it, but bear in mind most names something negative could be rhymed or associated with it if people search enough. Did you give baby a middle name that you would both be happy using instead, that could be a compromise your husband might be happy with?

I sorta got that with DD this year when she turned 2. As the name is long, little kids find it difficult to say and spelling it is a nightmare! Next kid will be called Bob.

Try not to fret too much, make sure you're working on your mood and socialising. X