I got my dream job but…

I’m sorry it has come to this @Rearing2go

Don’t make a decision on the new job yet - as other posters have said, if you feel able I bet you could find a houseshare and it might be great. It is early to make a decision and while I understand of course you need to let them know, don’t rush to close that door without giving yourself time.

Some companies have places they let - mine does. They might even have an approved list, if you let them know your accommodation fell through (don’t need to give the whole story).

I know it probably feels like everything has gone wrong but do take your time - you have had to make a few big decisions already and you’re doing amazingly keeping so steady.

I hear you, @Rearing2go . You know what is best for yourself. I wish you well in finding another job at home, as unfortunately your dream job has been scuppered by your boy-friend (is he an ex, now? I didn’t quite understand where you stand with him this morning.) and his family.

Whereabouts in Ireland is the dream job, @Rearing2go ? Because if it’s in Dublin, and if it is really your dream job, I would concentrate on that aspect and find a flat/house share just for yourself, get settled in your new job and work things out with your boy-friend and his family once you have found your feet for yourself. From what I can gather, Dublin is a really great place to live and people seem to be very friendly, so I wouldn’t worry about not knowing anyone (I might be completely wrong, here, though, perhaps people who know more than I do could comment).
Good luck with your decision!
Sorry, I posted that before having read your latest post, but I think what I wrote still applies.

Your partner should put his foot down as this has been planned for so long or he could move out with you. There are options but it seems he is leaving you high and dry.

Actually @Rearing2go I agree - telling you a week before you move is really a shitty thing to do. I might even wonder if it isn’t a last effort to break you up. Ok you lost it but you apologised for that - which is good of you - but you don’t have to retract what you said because leaving it this late is just a terrible thing. When did you actually finish work - it does sound like they waited until you’d burned your bridges with work.

With regard to your partner - I’m not surprised he’s torn but - he needs to make a choice of some kind. I don’t see how you can carry on if he doesn’t make some kind of stand for you … not least because you can’t afford the rent on your own.

You have the new job there - my suggestion is to discuss with him whether he is going to rent with you (in which case he needs to be proactive and find you both a place, quickly) and commit to splitting the bills (even if he doesn’t move in right away) and you might as well see how things go.

You also need him to be honest here - is he going to be controlled for ever (and lose you), or give things with you a go (even if it is a phased move after you’re in place).

You are out of the ‘old’ job now so you might as well try the new one if you can make it work practically - it might be your ‘next’ dream job.

(edited for typos)

So you have given uo everything, your job, home, security, to move to a new country for him. But he's "not ready" to commit and support you by finding and moving into suitable accommodation for you both? After all you are sacrificing?

Will he ever be ready? Because if he can't support and be there for you now when you need him most, how on earth can you trust that he will ever be there for you.

Did i miss the bit where she says he's irish?

It's not really a long distance relationship if you see each other a few days every week. Sounds like, I dunno one of you lives in Cheshire and the other in Wrexham different countries but just a short drive. Can't you just commute to the new job, or work remote for a bit till you find a house share.

Irish men/families have their own dynamics and your BF may never step up to protect you from them. If he hasn't with the threat of you being made homeless, hes unlikely to change.
Ignore the BF, if the job is really the dream one, go for it. You'll find your feet eventually. If on reflection its not, stay where you are.

Sorry I haven't rtft so apologies if this has been suggested already; please speak to your new company and explain about your accommodation situation, they may be able to support you somehow.

Really hope things work out for you 🙏🏻

Oh I hear ya, I know. I was thinking from their perspective. They see you as a free loader (although obv you’re not). You know. And they know financially your bf thinks they’re more important than you. They’re probably right :(

I voted you’re being unreasonable because I cannot understand from your post what actually is going on, which job is your dream job and what is the issue with your plans.

if you can go into your post and edit it to make it understandable, I’m sure you’ll get the advice you’re looking for.

it’s not cold feet as me and family member spoke yesterday and things got nasty , I should have handled my words better, but I let out how shitty it was of her to now decide when I have one week to move she decides I can’t move in and pay my way.
I could have used my words better but there was nothing in my message that wasn’t true
That sounds really horrible for you. Is it his mother?
Your bf should have your back though and not be a coward and frightened of what may happen. He clearly isnt doing this and has shown he would prefer to stay in the family circle. That's fine, his choice, but it shows you where his priorities are.

A man in his 30s who can't cut the apron strings is just not attractive. Stay where you are, start looking for a job right now and put a pause on the relationship. If he loves you, he can sort out his family issues first, before he gets you involved.

So you've not left a dream job then OP? If you're in love I would want to be together, even if we didn't have much money.
Sorry, I've read your other posts now. I wouldnt move country just for the job, it seems as though your bf isn't as in love with you as I'd want moving into his territory.

Surely the cost of half a private flat is cheaper than all of the relatives house? For your boyfriend I mean.

Or is he paying like a peppercorn rent?

I wouldn't take the tears seriously tbh without any action from him. Either he's trying to manipulate you which is awful or he is not able to stand up to his relative which is a whole mess you do not want

How have you both been funding seeing each other for a few days each week during the last two years? And who has been putting the effort into travelling?
saving this money must equate to a lot towards your own living costs if you are both living together
it sounds like he’s not ready for a mature relationship and that you are putting in all the effort.

if the dream job is worth it to you then follow your dream, but plan to go it alone - if he mans up and puts you first then reconsider a relationship with him but have your eyes open!

any dream job should pay enough for you to live in the area it’s based in - can you get a relocation allowance / loan from the employer? There’s lots of home share sites for Dublin

Dublin is amazing but very expensive. Did op say it was Dublin or just speculation from a pp?

Anyway, as a proud irishwoman, don't do it op! Sounds toxic as anything. He sounds weasely with the tears and angst but unable to stand on his own two feet by moving out. I imagine the loss of the relationship with his family member is less of a concern to him than losing the cheap rates of accommodation!

Stay where you are and do not, do NOT leave your support network. I cannot emphasise this enough.

I did the opposite and moved to england when I was 19 and I still miss my family and I'm 41!

Is it all money? The fm doesn’t like you because they think you ditched a job and wanted to live in their house for free?
And your bf is afraid to lose contact with family because money - house to live in, inheritance maybe?
Anyway as you’ve said and know deep down, you’re better than all this x