Am I being a party pooper?

I usually go to all of my works functions! Love a good party 🎉 The thing to remember is that those people that do go don't really want people there unless they want to be there.
Nothing quite sucks the fun out of an evening like Brenda from accounts coming over to moan about how she would rather be at home with her crochet or Bob from HR complaining how much it cost on the train to get there.
On a side note, of course they have offered to change the date, if they think you want to go they have to choose a date that suits as many people as possible. It can be considered discriminatory/against policy/rude to leave people out so just do them a favour and let them know it is nothing to do with the date!

I'm not going to mine, I never do.

It's too far to travel, I don't want a late night, don't want to drink to much, and don't want to witness my colleagues awkwardly dancing (or awkwardly dance infront of them!). It's always on a "prime" December weekend date which I'd much rather use for something else.

I just say "Oh what a shame, I have other plans, I would have loved to go!"

I was originally going to say maybe consider going for the sake of good relations but on a weekend day, self funded, sod that! That is a totally unreasonable expectation of you.

It's a bit much asking for a full day on a weekend in the run up to Christmas. My work have moved the Christmas do to January. It's pretty popular - work funded evening at a time when people are strapped for cash, at a less busy time.

OP I completely get where you are coming from, it sounds pretty full on and you have to pay for the privilege too! I also understand your concerns about being seeing as the workplace party pooper. I would just say you can’t afford to go, seeing as the company isn’t actually funding this. Secondly the fact it’s not even on a workday is another pisstake, so you can’t go because you have a family event on the same day? Go with whichever excuse you haven’t used before. Have you been to any of thes work Christmas parties before?

The problem with your very obvious suggestion is there is such a thing as workplace culture. OP is not wrong to be concerned about this. It can affect your career/ promotion prospects unfortunately although it really shouldn’t.

The cost should be covered by work.

Nah fuck that if it’s on a weekend

In these circumstances, it's absolutely up to you whether you want to give up a day off and find this.

It's a shame they don't do something more inclusive like a workday lunch or after work drinks.

No way would I give up a non working day.

I never ever attend work things.

As it is a whole day event on a work day (?) are you suggesting staying at the office on your own when everyone else goes off to the party? Or would you take a day’s annual leave? Either of those would look rather dramatic and attention seeking. Perhaps a bit superior too.

I would probably go with the flow rather than make a point of being different to the others.

I have a different view on this one.

Big boozy works do in the evening with loads of people you don’t work closely with: fine to skip it.

Small team day out, they’ll change the day to suit you: think of it as work and work-related relationship building.

I don't think you're a pooper - It's not like you're making anyone change the plan or stopping the event.

Wish everyone a fantastic time and go home wrapped in the warm glow of not having to make small talk.

No no. They may want you to come and be a part of it but no one should expect you to go to that trouble and expense. I don’t go to my work Christmas parties and they’re local!

Forced fun is no fun
I rarely attend any work functions. I'm 100% not a party pooper and I have a wonderful working relationship with my team. They can go and let their hair down without me hanging around, and then I get to chuckle at all the shenanigans they may get up to. Unless it's a working day and there's an expectation to attend, no one can force you.

It's not party pooping to just not go as long as you don't moan about it to them - it's less party pooping to just quietly not attend, than to go and be resentful.

There's no reason why you can't tell them you have other plans on that date.

Every year there are so many threads exactly like this and I get why some people stress about it, but ultimately you can just pretend you're busy and wish them all a nice night.