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Original poster

..to have lost my shit at ds14

189 replies

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:31

Can I just say that I am usually a calm parent who just generally can talk through issues with the children. I think it was years ago that I last lost my temper.

Ds14 - I have to nag him every day to brush his teeth/wash. I was away at the weekend and I came home last night. Ds has not washed since Saturday... I asked him to make sure he showered today and when I came home from work - he still hadn't!

I reminded him to make sure he showered before dinner but he told me to stop making a deal out of it and he would do it afterwards, he refused to go to wash beforehand.

The weight of 14 years of daily reminders of "dont forget to brush your teeth" and cajoling him into the shower every other day - came crashing down and I lost it.

I feel terrible. I even had to have glass of wine to calm myself down. Do all teenage boys not wash and i should have managed this better?

OP posts:
Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:53

I think he is just lazy......

OP posts:
Thundertoast · 28/10/2025 21:52

Okay this might sound a bit out there, and id be interested in knowing other people's thoughts/experiences on this.
I hated showering as a teenager and im hindsight it was literally because i run really cold, and my mum ran the house at a cool temperature, and I hated HATED getting out of my warm clothes to stand in a cold bathroom, to get warm again in the shower, to get out and be cold again. As an adult in charge of the temperature in my house, I no longer have this problem.
Some people reading this may be going 'are you neurodiverse' and yes, I suspect i am, but I cant be the only person who didnt shower as a teenager because they hated being cold! There must be other teen-logical reasons out there! Maybe try and figure out what might be the driver, is what im saying. Is he just lazy or is there a genuine practical reason (as im not saying its neurodiversity in the slightest)

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:52

@yousillygoose thank you for writing this. I'm sick to death of the constant narrative - Me -"Brush your teeth", Ds -" Yeah, I will now", on repeat 4 times per evening/morning.

Its making me a feel full of rage.

OP posts:
RomComPhooey · 28/10/2025 21:51

I don’t know what we did that’s made the difference. We all shower daily and the kids had a bath before bed every night when they were little. Once they hit puberty and got sweatier they insisted on morning showers before school. Tooth brushing has never been a problem.

LizzieSiddal · 28/10/2025 21:50

Don’t worry about losing your shit very occasionally. 14 is a tricky age and they do sometimes need reminders that you are the parent and need to do what you ask, they aren’t adults yet.

yousillygoose · 28/10/2025 21:47

My 15 year old son is like this. In fact, this has just reminded me to message him to tell him to shower.
He even has a girlfriend now so you’d think he’d be in his overdoing it on the lynx era, but nope. I think he last showered sometime last week.
Don’t even get me started on teeth brushing. He has fixed braces on too so all the more reason to keep dental hygiene standards up!!
Head and brick wall come to mind.
Solidarity OP

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:46

@RomComPhooey how have you managed this??! I have 2 older clean, lovely smelling children but not sure what has gone wrong with the third.....

OP posts:
Princesspollyyy · 28/10/2025 21:46

I have two teenage boys, and they have always been meticulous about showering and brushing their teeth. They would be mortified if anyone thought they smelled or had bad breath / not brushed their teeth.

So I wouldn’t say it’s a phase all teenage boys go through, just some teenagers it seems.

I dont think you were unreasonable, he definitely needs to take personal hygiene more seriously.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/10/2025 21:45

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:41

I'm ashamed to say I made him cry.... but he did shower though. I never really lose my temper but when I do on the rare occasion, I apparently can be quite scary.

Has anyone got a secret to make teenage boys go near water?

Lose your shit occasionally, which is what you did.
It will have done your son no harm whatsoever.
It's not like you do it all the time - you're only human @Brendathebear

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:44

He told dh that he was going to go and wash but dh didnt think to follow up and check.... 🧐

OP posts:
RomComPhooey · 28/10/2025 21:44

Not all teenage boys are minging. Mine both showered and brushed their teeth daily without any prompting. DS2 often showers twice a day, first thing and after exercise later in the day.

MyballsareSandy2015 · 28/10/2025 21:41

Was he with his dad when you were away? Why hasn’t he insisted on a shower/tooth brushing?

This is quite a normal phase Op, albeit a minging one. They do grow out of it.

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:41

I'm ashamed to say I made him cry.... but he did shower though. I never really lose my temper but when I do on the rare occasion, I apparently can be quite scary.

Has anyone got a secret to make teenage boys go near water?

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 28/10/2025 21:38

You have done his future wife/husband a favour!

How did he react?

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