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Original poster

..to have lost my shit at ds14

189 replies

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:31

Can I just say that I am usually a calm parent who just generally can talk through issues with the children. I think it was years ago that I last lost my temper.

Ds14 - I have to nag him every day to brush his teeth/wash. I was away at the weekend and I came home last night. Ds has not washed since Saturday... I asked him to make sure he showered today and when I came home from work - he still hadn't!

I reminded him to make sure he showered before dinner but he told me to stop making a deal out of it and he would do it afterwards, he refused to go to wash beforehand.

The weight of 14 years of daily reminders of "dont forget to brush your teeth" and cajoling him into the shower every other day - came crashing down and I lost it.

I feel terrible. I even had to have glass of wine to calm myself down. Do all teenage boys not wash and i should have managed this better?

OP posts:
gingercat02 · 28/10/2025 22:41

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VenusClapTrap · 28/10/2025 22:39

I’m in possession of a lazy 13 year old so I feel your pain. No advice, but I’ll join you in the 🍷

gingercat02 · 28/10/2025 22:37

Oh don't sweat it @Brendathebearpun intended
I told DS about the same age he needed to wash as no one wanted to be friends with the boy who smelled.
It worked. He now costs a fortune in water and smellies 🤣

SugarMiceInTheRain · 28/10/2025 22:37

I have one stinky one (even at 19 I have to nag him to shower). The social embarrassment doesn't factor in as he is autistic and couldn't care less what others think. 😡 My other two are perfectly happy to shower. I feel your pain and frustration. Sometimes they need to know they've pushed their luck too far.

Bonsaibaby · 28/10/2025 22:35

My 20 year old is the same and it’s not my bad parenting! He had the same routine instilled in him forever. As yet undiagnosed adhd. Hadn’t got round to making the appointment…

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 22:33

Thank you @HeavenInMyHeart for slating my parenting when I feel bad enough already!

As we know- parenting isnt a one sized fits all package. I absolutely try my best, I don't take the easy option - otherwise he wouldn't have washed for years! I never had this issue with my older "perfect" children 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
RubySquid · 28/10/2025 22:31

Driftingawaynow · 28/10/2025 22:08

You shouted at him and made him cry. That’s horrible

He's a 14 year old not a little baby. Perhaps he should bloody shower then if he doesn't want to get shouted at. He was asked to enough bloody times.

RubySquid · 28/10/2025 22:28

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:46

@RomComPhooey how have you managed this??! I have 2 older clean, lovely smelling children but not sure what has gone wrong with the third.....

Some teenagers are just manky.

HeavenInMyHeart · 28/10/2025 22:25

My mum still has to nag my 25 year old brother to make sure he washes, washes his clothes, changes his bedsheets etc.

she always complains about it but I think, what are you whinging about? You raised him to be like that!! I can’t help but think the same here. You made your 14 year old son cry because your parenting has fallen short somewhere.

Hardhats · 28/10/2025 22:23

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 22:14

Actually dh does his fair share of nagging too. He did tell him on Monday morning to get in to the shower too. I got home before he got home from work.

Its a busy household, there are other children and demands and dh and I both work full time.

I didnt mean to make ds cry but I was disappointed, angry and exasperated. He never usually sees me shouting

what did you say to him exactly?

tbh I don’t see any issue with getting across the importance of brushing your teeth and maintaining hygiene. Whilst teenagers can be manky, most of them sort their hygiene out especially if they’re able to maintain friendships or date. So the implication being, if your son struggles socially, his bad hygiene is going to be a factor.

Tryingatleast · 28/10/2025 22:20

Ps someone on here once said they heard someone say someone won’t tell you you smell, but they will tell other people’ and it worked on them

SummerInSun · 28/10/2025 22:19

My guess is that you having made a big deal out of it once, he’ll do it properly from now on. And you are right to make a big deal out of it, you don’t want him to grow up to be one of those men (who seem to appear with troubling frequency in relationships with MNers) who thinks personal hygiene is an optional extra.

Tryingatleast · 28/10/2025 22:18

You ask about the secret, unfortunately I think the wish to wash is just inherent- I have two who are all about making sure they’re clean, two who aren’t. My older brother had to be nagged to shower less while my brother was ushered in to wash teeth/ shower.

Vaguelyclassical · 28/10/2025 22:18

Driftingawaynow · 28/10/2025 22:08

You shouted at him and made him cry. That’s horrible

Oh please. He messed her around once too often.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/10/2025 22:15

Driftingawaynow · 28/10/2025 22:08

You shouted at him and made him cry. That’s horrible

He didn't shower despite being asked many times, and promising to do so.

That's horrible.

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 22:14

Actually dh does his fair share of nagging too. He did tell him on Monday morning to get in to the shower too. I got home before he got home from work.

Its a busy household, there are other children and demands and dh and I both work full time.

I didnt mean to make ds cry but I was disappointed, angry and exasperated. He never usually sees me shouting

OP posts:
WelshRabBite · 28/10/2025 22:11

How come you’re the only parent in the house doing any parenting?

Does your H not care if his son’s teeth rot and he has no friends because he’s the stinky kid in school that no one wants to sit next to?

If you could trust your H to actually parent when you weren’t there, then even if your DS continued to be a lazy bugger, you’d only be telling him to shower 50% of the time that you are now.

Does your H always make you bad cop with your DC?

Driftingawaynow · 28/10/2025 22:08

You shouted at him and made him cry. That’s horrible

ohyesido · 28/10/2025 22:07

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:41

I'm ashamed to say I made him cry.... but he did shower though. I never really lose my temper but when I do on the rare occasion, I apparently can be quite scary.

Has anyone got a secret to make teenage boys go near water?

he will when he discovers that girls/boys like clean hair, teeth and body in a boyfriend

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 22:06

Everyone else in the house is really clean and showers daily. Im finding the constant cajoling, reminding and nagging beyond painful. I've done it every day for about 11 years.

If I add it up approx 3 times teeth brushing nagging in the morning, another three in the evening and 4 go and have a shower nags every other day.

That equates in total to 24,090 teeth brushing requests and 8,030 shower nags.

No wonder it unleashed the beast...!

OP posts:
dippy567 · 28/10/2025 21:59

I would probably let this slide, as long as doing teeth. But I regularly lose my shit with my 13 year old...

Hankunamatata · 28/10/2025 21:58

Iv teen boys and yep bloody shower dodgers at times due to pure laziness.

Eldest showers now but I get the rage as he is terrible for coming in from sport not showering and jumping into bed and showering the next morning - so hos bed reeks. I flip my lid regually over that one

Middle teen we had to get rude and tell him he smells and everyone will take the mick at school. Its slowly sinking in.

Youngest pain to get into the shower but will be in there for hours if left to own devices

Dont get me started on teeth brushing. Iv now booked them into hygienist every 3 months as seems to help them realised they need to brush

Dweetfidilove · 28/10/2025 21:56

It's okay to lose your shit every once in a while.
How did your husband completely miss this for days? I'd lose my shit at him too.

SleafordSods · 28/10/2025 21:56

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:46

@RomComPhooey how have you managed this??! I have 2 older clean, lovely smelling children but not sure what has gone wrong with the third.....

Mine worked out really quickly in High School that not smelling nice was deeply uncool and nobody wanted to be with the smelly kids.

AngryBookworm · 28/10/2025 21:56

My younger brother was the same and grew out of it in a couple of years once the self-awareness caught up to the hormones a bit. Not all teenage boys are like this but it's definitely the case for some.

Completely reasonable to lose your shit and maybe he'll take you more seriously next time. Hope the wine is doing its job!

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