..to have lost my shit at ds14

My son is the same. Earlier I told him I could smell him next to me on the new sofa so he needed to get in the shower then come back down to sit with me. About an hour later I found him scrolling his phone sitting on the stairs. He'd decided that was a better option than a quick shower and a return to the sofa.

LOL I don't have children yet but if they act like this at any point, there will be a lot of crying while they correct their behavior and mommy enjoys an edible to calm herself down😂

Don't feel bad-- the child needs to keep himself clean. We are not cavemen anymore lol

5 sons - the wine is ALL yours!

Ridiculous.

let's hope you have time to sort yourself out before you have teenagers

Because, some teenagers stink. They leave a lingering stench everywhere they go.

And why should everyone else live in the reek?

Parenting teenagers with guidance and example is all very well and good most of the time. You can parent to how you wish your life was but you also need to parent the moment you are living, too.

So, on occasion, there is nothing like a slap in the face with a wet fish as a parenting technique.

This is a you problem, not a him problem.

Nonsense.
He's a disobedient tyke with poor hygiene.

I think that him washing is the least of your problems. It was no big deal and yet you embarrassed, humiliated and hurt him. Your priority should include a lot of grovelling, apologising and working hard to regain his trust. This is a you problem, not a him problem.

He's 14

Just leave him to it!

FFS what is it with MN and obsessing over when your teens shower? With a slightly creepy level of checking up on them to make sure they have...

I'm told that once they start dating, they make up for the lack of washing and suddenly become very interested in being clean..... hopefully.

Agreed. One of mine went through a slight soap dodging phase - fortunately DH was tough on him otherwise I would have exploded.
Teen boys need firm boundaries and the occasional short sharp shock of a parental bollocking is a useful technique to employ.

I used to turn the wifi off and confiscate his phone til my soap dodger showered and did his teeth! Age 12-14 was the worst but then he got a girlfriend and it was long showers and death by Lynx😂
I was so worried he'd have terrible teeth, but the devil looks after his own, and his teeth are perfect!

If husband didn't follow it up, then I'm afraid it's rather obvious where dear son learns his attitude of 'it doesn't matter' from.
And it's absolutely not a phase all boys go through.

I'm not a fan of technology per se, but do wonder if this is a good use of it. Those of you with an Alexa, can you programme it to say "Time to brush your teeth Billy.....Brush your teeth now Billy....Brush your teeth or the WiFi's going off Billy.....(click) The WiFi has been switched off until your parent confirms you have brushed your teeth"?

I bloody love the idea of outsourcing nagging!

Don't lose heart @Brendathebear

I think you're doing fine.
If you were a bad mother, you wouldn't be feeling so guilty now.

Don't pay attention to a few judgemental posters.

If this helps. My ds aged 14 was absolutely disgusting. All exactly the same arguments. One particular family party I remember him actually stinking and I was so embarrassed. I don't mean a bit, I mean a lot! Then literally randomly one day, I think it was at the 14/15 cusp, he got up one day and started showering daily and of his own accord. Has done ever since and actually now meticulous on hygiene. Many times he showers twice per day. It does change!!

My foster son is the same. He showers every morning then again after sport.

I do think teenagers go one way or the other-you either can’t get them into the shower or can’t get them out! Have you said bluntly that he smells? Does his dad shower?

He’s 14 not 4! He needed to be told.

My 13 yo DS does shower every day as part of his morning routine- I think his motivation is he can’t style his fringe the way he wants to otherwise and he very particular about his fringe. Maybe he needs a routine - a non negotiable one. Shower every morning when he wakes up so it becomes habit. Teeth should be twice a day also non negotiable. Although my teen does brush his, his dentist did say he hadn’t been doing the best job which embarrassed him recently so he is now doing it much better. Has he got a decent electric toothbrush?

Think it does them good to see a parent flip out occasionally.

He's 14 years, not months.

Soap Dodger will get over it!

@Brendathebear

you've done him a favour, now sit back & see if he showers & cleans his teeth without being bagged.

dont jeep apologising fir losing your shit or it'll lose its impact, he needs to know it was deserved!

ignore any negative comments. You are a good mother and obviously care a lot about your son. Sit down when you are both calm and explain that you are on his back to shower because you love him and do not want him getting bullied for not washing.

I have 5 sons and yes the nagging is exhausting! Don't feel guilty for losing your rag, you're only human 😂 give him a cuddle and tell him you love him and that's why you get cross when he doesn't look after himself - because you don't want him to be dirty and smelly, people won't want to be near him!

Might be a good idea to make him an appointment at the dentist for a check up and have a quiet word so the dentist gives him a bit of a lecture about what happens if you don't look after your teeth! Toothache and decay is painful and having fillings and extractions is no fun!

Maybe turn off the wifi when necessary and tell him it goes on again when he's had a shower!!

My sons are all adults now and their personal hygiene is much better, they are always clean and do brush their teeth so they get there in the end!