..to have lost my shit at ds14

I have a teen who went through that phase and it was constant nagging. DH is also part of the tell them once and don’t follow through gang whereas I will make sure it’s done. The teen is 16 now and has come through that and does shower and clean teeth without being reminded most of the time.

If you are looking for a consequence, in my house threatening to take them off the family Spotify account so they only have the free one with adverts generally gets them shifting. 😆

I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters. Growing up, we all had chores, such as washing up/ drying and putting away/ vacuuming and a rota, so say on a Monday it was my turn to wash up and Tuesday, it was John's turn.
One day, John was reminded, yet again, to go and brush his teeth. Cue outrage - "it's Mark's turn!" as he stomped upstairs.

Mine never needs reminding to brush his teeth - does at least 3 times a day because of braces. Baths or showers daily . Keen on wearing pyjamas though around the house.

You were completely reasonable to lose your shit with the dirty little beggar .

Are you me?! This is all so familiar.

As is the post about sitting outside the bathroom door listening to the buzzing toothbrush.

Sigh.

congratulations 🙄

Op you are human and many years of frustration is going to come out at some point. I would explain this to your teen as everyone has a limit. We have a set routine with showers after dinner for teens so they are clean. I think it’s just followed on from when they were younger. However a tidy bedroom is a different issue!

Oh I feel your pain Op, my daily conversation with 13 year old Ds:
me: have you brushed your teeth?
ds: yes (sounds outraged)
me: have you really?
ds: yes (more outrage)
me:but have you actually brushed them?
ds: yes
me: so if I go and feel your toothbrush now…
ds: I’ll go and do them.

It’s exhausting and I’m jealous of those on here with nice clean teens!

I ended up, after years of nagging and difficult dentist visits, imposing a rule that ds had to brush his teeth while I watched. At a time of my choosing, so earlier in the morning than he would have liked. Same in the evening, but DH watched that time.

Very, very boring sitting outside the open bathroom door waiting for the electric toothbrush to stop buzzing, glancing in every few seconds to check it was actually being used, but after a few months the habit was mostly embedded, though it needed redoing a few times after holidays, fr a few days.

I know somwoeople will post that their teenagers never did this but it is normal behaviour in SOME teenagers of this age.

My niece, nephew and son all went through stages of not washing without a lot of nagging between the ages of about 13-15 . With my niece, who lived with me for parts of that time and with my son, I was less consistently insistent that you are op. I really didn't have the energy sometimes.

Frankly with my son, his behaviour in other areas at the time was causing so many problems, his refusal to wash regularly was 'minor' so one of the things I sometimes let go in my ' pick your battles' decisions at the time.

I would often tell them they smelt though and explained the consequences of that to them. Eventually, they both ( my niece who is NT was much quicker to change) started washing more,. They are both perfectly normal adults who wash regularly now, even DS who has ADHD and ASD. . My nephew was similar though his dad dealt with that not me.

It honestly will pass but it is nonetheless frustrating I know

Well done! Sometimes they need telling in no uncertain way. Ignore the gentle parenters

I think it’s accurate to say that plenty of teens shower regularly and plenty are proper soap dodgers. It’s not your fault, it’s not your husbands fault despite a PP’s assertion that it is 😂. It just is.

My son was the same and it frustrated me no end. One day you’ll realise that you’ve stopped having to nag him. In my experience that was around 16. In the meantime, nag away.

Ugh, are you me? DS, also 14 had to have special toothpaste prescribed at the dentist yesterday because he is too bloody lazy to brush his teeth properly.

Me, DH and DD (12) are so clean that you could eat your dinner off any part of us at any time! 😄 But DS, showers just with water, brushes his teeth for about 10 seconds, has to be nagged and nagged, sheer bloody laziness, hopefully this too shall pass!

I wouldn’t feel bad. Teen boys stink in my opinion (and experience having had 2 of them) and we had to nag DS2 a lot). Mainly after sport, straight into the shower. DD, never ever had to tell her and she doesn’t stink!

I think teenagers can find these daily tasks very onerous. They act as if they have they have the weight of the world on their shoulders as they head towards the shower. If they have to get the soap out of the cupboard, it can tip them over the edge.

My 13 year old son is terrible with teeth brushing.

In the end if I went to bed and he hadn't done his teeth I got him out of bed to do them.

Took about 4 days of midnight tooth cleaning but the message sunk in that if he doesn't do his teeth he will get a midnight visit from the tooth fairy (me)

LOL

Grovelling? To a stinky teenager? I think not.

I don’t think it’s awful for kids to learn that parents are human too and if they push it too far they might get a reaction they don’t like. Nobody feels good making their kids cry but he is 14, not 4, so can hopefully work out for himself why you reached the end of your tether. I just make sure to never go to sleep on cross words.

Our teenagers boys now 15 never a problem teeth or washing for years

Stop telling him to shower, unless there is SN issue he’s well aware. You need to match his ‘forgetful’ energy, The WI-FI he uses, the data plan he has etc are all privileges and what is given can easily be taken away. Make him a sticker chart and he can earn good boy stickers that he can exchange for Wi-Fi access etc. It is his job to prove to you he has showered and brushed his teeth, it isn’t your job to chase him.

My 13 year old is the same. Constantly reminding him. He came back from a school trip and his brand new toothbrush was bone dry and new toothpaste unsqueezed! I was horrified. We generally use humour with him but some days it’’s exhausting. It’s quite normal. His bedroom is immaculate, works hard with schoolwork and doesn’t go on his PlayStation in the week so I pick my battles. I’ve started saying how nice his teeth look abd how gorgeous he looks when he’s just had a wash. New tactic.

My ds changed over night just before secondary school from being water avoidant to showering daily and using deodorant and hair products.

Approach him with a cold hosepipe

Well, it's better you made him cry, rather than a bunch a bullying teenagers at school teasing him that he'll never get be kissed because he's gross and smells and has furry teeth.