..to have lost my shit at ds14

Yes, exactly
Just typical teen rebellion, God Bless Them
Most surely not horrible at all 🤗

My 12yo seems allergic to soap too, he can be stinking and have zero care or awareness and moans like hell about having to shower, needs reminders to use deodorant but thankfully teeth brushing not an issue

I don't get it, the constant push back against it. We're constantly telling him 'look if we don't tell you that you reek then it's going to be your peers and that's something that will stick and follow you around for the rest of your school life!' But he still doesn't seem to care!

There’s no secret. This is so so normal. Just like when he was a baby and a toddler, it’s a phase. It’ll pass

tell him to just brush the teeth that he would like to keep and not to bother with the others. Remind him - once - that being unwashed ultimately leads to no girlfriend / boyfriend and to people noticing. Tell him it’s just your job as a mum to fill him in on this info

and then just stop, stop going on at him. Not working is it? Just causing tension.

I promise you now - give it a few years if that and you won’t get him out the shower. My now 18 year old was exactly the same and now of course, he showers daily etc etc:

so deep breath. It’s all a phase and it’s time to ignore it and stop, well, nagging!

Awesome, sometimes losing your shit …….

Excellent update!

Shows how sometimes our kids need a short, sharp shock to knock them into shape.

You are amazing and doing the best you can. DS is going through a horrible frustrating phase, but it will pass. Good luck.

Honestly, losing your temper occasionally is a good thing in my book. Obviously not all the time, but roaring when it all becomes too much reminds the family that you won't be trodden on and taken for granted. I lose my shit about once a year, I find it serves me well, generally.

We were in the same boat not so long ago. Refused to wash, brush teeth and look alive. I kept making a point of telling him he had yellow rat teeth and he smelt that bad I didn’t want him around me. I truly didn’t, he turned my perimenopausal stomach sick. DH told his dentist at a dental appointment that he didn’t care about brushing his teeth. He was wearing the same clothes day in day out and didn’t care about his appearance. We got to the point of not allowing him to come out with us unless he sorted himself out. We had all made the effort to be clean, do our hair, teeth, dress accordingly and he needed to follow suit or be left at home. He missed out on a few family meals and gatherings. I sound harsh but he needed to hear it and I wasn’t going to blow smoke up his backside and continue to allow it. He’s 15 now and showers twice a day. He has a range of aftershaves, a box of different Lynx deodorants and smells lovely. Still doesn’t do his hair and he lies about brushing his teeth sometimes. His dress sense has improved slightly although he doesn’t do clothes and wears what we think he would like. Struggles in that regard and hasn’t found his style as such but he’s showering so I’m calling it a win.

I wouldn't feel bad at all, I have a 12 year old daughter who is very hygienic and showers/ baths, my youngest on the other hand who is 11, I am constantly screaming at her that the fastest way for an infection to get to your heart is through your gums, so if you dont brush your teeth you will die. So brush your teeth and wash or your going to make the whole house stink 🤷‍♀️.

My DS, now 35, had to be nagged to shower, by me and his siblings. He's still a bit 'water shy' and doesn't shower daily!

Don't worry OP..Once girls come on the scene you won't get him out of the bathroom..😎

@Maray1967 Can you imagine the Army apologising because they humiliate the odd trainee? Why are these boys allowed to get away with their unreasonable behaviour? We now know. They are delicate little flowers who are hurt and humiliated when they have upset their parents for months, if not years! This is why young men rule the roost.

Well I’d better hand myself in and ask for multiple offences to be considered.

Seriously? Teen boys occasionally need a bollocking. That’s how they learn. And then they come out the other side and are delightful 20 plus year olds.

I think you’ve handled the whole thing brilliantly. You’ve proven that when it’s things that don’t really matter too much you choose a gentle approach but when it’s something important like his health and hygiene, as well as respect for others (you having to keep on asking him over and over) then that changes things.
that he got upset about it is also good in my opinion as it shows that he does actually care that he’s made you so angry and upset when you’re only acting in his best interests.
I think you deserve as many wines as you want and I also think the demonstration of the shoe being on the other foot with the WiFi is another excellent patenting example! You should be proud of yourself! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

It's not 'horrible', it's a teenager being a teenager in a pretty normal developmental phase of self-centredness/ ignoring parents/ etc.

Bless you
Please don't be hard on yourself
You're only human & this being the only time you lost your temper, sounds like you're doing immensely well
🤗
Much Love To You&Yours
Oh yes, most surely I believe it's common for teens to not really wish to wash, especially now the weather's turned cold too🙏

@Brendathebearthe issue with your arrangement is that ds is now brushing his teeth in order to have access to the wifi.
What happens if he doesn’t need the wifi? Maybe he has phone data or is going out. Will he then revert back to not brushing his teeth?
He needs to learn personal
accountability and understand that he needs to brush his teeth in order to have clean healthy teeth and breath and that is his main reason.

I seem to recall student dd, sharing a house with 1 other girl and 5 x 20ish blokes, saying that ALL the blokes were stinky soap dodgers. 🤢

She has already said she has done this

@Agix It’s a great idea if it gets the message across. He’s no right to instant wi fi. It’s a suitable reminder that coexisting pleasantly is not one sided. He’s had to keep asking for something he wants and ok, not directly linked to hygiene, but a timely reminder of who is in charge! Definitely get DH more engaged!

Losing your shit rarely is better than losing your shit often, it's a stronger tool as he knows how wound up you were about it.

His future partners will thank you for it.

And no, not unreasonable to lose your shit at a dirty 14yo boy who's lied to you about his personal hygiene.

I'm always usually in the camp of be nice to your kids cus they didn't ask to be born, however I don't blame you for this OP. The lad needs to wash.

I do think using WiFi to bribe him to do it isn't a great idea though - he needs to learn that he needs to wash for the sake of washing and not stinking. It's bad for his health too, not just everyone else's noses.

Hopefully the chat with your DH will help.

Could you buy him some nice toiletries that might encourage him? Definitely get bar soap as that is far better on teenage sweat than shower gel. Hopefully he’s got the message!

This sounds very good to me.

So you’ve been a me to take control without losing your shit - which let’s face it is also unpleasant for you!