Feminism sold a lie - Women, today, are worse off than ever

Fellow millennial woman here, I feel the same OP - feel we’ve been sold a lie 💔💔

I agree with you. It's exhausting.

You need to marry/partner up with a feminist. Then it is an equal partnership- both earn, both share the domestic load, both parents equally.

Hmm. The cost of housing is undeniably more expensive, I think if it weren't for that it might be possible to live on one income. That said, I don't recognise the description of how past generations had it in my own life. I grew up in a 3 bed mid terrace (which my parents bought in 1980 - my mum worked but the bank wouldn't take her earnings into consideration), one car, no holidays, no takeaways or eating out, clothes mostly hand me downs (from my brother no less, or occasionally my aunts) or from charity shops. No clubs or hobbies. Tv & phone were rented. My mum always worked, and so did the mums of all of my friends. I don't think having to work is the fault of feminism. We have our struggles but today is better than 40/50 years ago, at least we have options.

And what’s wrong with that?

Should add, I grew up in a very cheap part of the country with a father on a decent income. We didn't go abroad until I was 11 and my mum was back working.

I think most of feminism has obviously changed our lives for the better, but there is an issue with not being able to afford to live on one salary. Of course if parents want to work then they should be able to, but it is a shame that many parents/mothers cant stay home with their babies if they want to. I'd say this housing/salary issue affects men and women though, with the stats of young people living with their parents

I'm very lucky to be a sahm (husband on 40k so definitely not super high earner!). We only have 1 car (I don't drive), we holiday with other people to split the cost, we live a modest life and we about break even every month. We live in a Midlands town though, I dont know how people manage in the south

This! Codswallop like OP’s drives me mad. It’s not pro-women in any way to think it should be optional for women to work but compulsory for men. As for “but women do all the childcare/chores and have to pay the bills!” Just… don’t? Don’t be a mug. Men doing 50/50 on housework and childcare is such a basic expectation. Nobody is forcing women to procreate with useless lumps of fungus who won’t.

I cant even put my hand on heart and say Im a feminist

Yet I can see how far women in this country have progressed.

We are now allowed to work in our own right, not be taxed and NI against our husbands wages. We can demand equal pay, not only for the same job, but for a job of the same value . We can open bank accounts, have our own credit, get a mortgage, - all this was denied my mother

You cant even imagine not getting served in a bar because of my sex - I can

I had to get a guarantor aged 18 to get hire purchase

When I started work, I got less per hour then a man - because of my sex and that was the norm

Bosses were men

There were no women in power - any sort of power

I'm just a couple of years too old to be a millennial, so I don't think too far out to be able to comment. I am a high earner and the main breadwinner in our family. I have been able to do this despite working part-time for 6 years when my children were small. As they have got older and my career has progressed, my husband has been able to work flexibly. He does a bit more of the childcare/logistics than I do now, and most of the cooking. I do the washing and cleaning, clothes shopping etc.

This has all been possible because of (a) more childcare options pre-school (we don't have nearby family); (b) good before and after school clubs; (c) maternity and parental leave provision that allowed me 9 months off and my husband 3 months with each child; (d) flexible working options; (e) those who went before me making it much much easier for a woman to succeed in my profession.

I know several women 20 or 30 years older than me whose lives and happiness were stymied by the men who had control over them. And of course it's not perfect now but for the vast majority of women it absolutely is easier to do what they want with their lives.

It’s just the way capitalism works I think. Once households had two incomes, the market absorbed two incomes. Everything will always rise to whatever people can pay.

Having a three bed semi detached, 2 cars and a holiday abroad are very modern concepts. Those of us brought up in the 80's shared bedrooms with siblings, used public transport or walked and were lucky if we got a day at the beach. And many of our mothers worked at least part time.

Many find it easier to work than to look after their offspring. I don't but I have friends who were relieved to go to work even though all their salary went into nursery costs.

I'm in a much better position than my mother was. I disagree.

I mean how many men can singularly afford to pay the mortgage for a three bed semi detached, bills, 2 cars (one when he's at work, other needed for school drop/picks and clubs), at least one holiday a year and all the other things that just what an average brit does, I'm not talking about an excessive lifestyle

The “average” family were not doing any of that except the house in the 1970s or 1980s or whenever you are harking back to.

Cars were rare, and expensive. People didn’t have two. Foreign holidays were expensive, and people who did go abroad went on cheap package holidays to Spain or to a gite in France if they had aspirations. They weren’t doing a fortnight in Koh Samui or skiing in Utah. Kids walked to school by themselves, and there were no clubs except Brownies/Cubs (which the kids would also walk to). New clothes were a treat. You’d have one or maybe two pairs of shoes. Food was home cooked, and eating out of a takeaway were rare treats.

You can absolutely afford a 1970s lifestyle on one salary. Most people don’t want to these days, is the truth of it. Look how much money lots of people said they saved during lockdown when they didn’t have the option of spending it.

Totally privileged point of view to to think women in the past had a choice not to work because the cost of living was lower.

yes, the cash payment cost of living may have been lower but that is because:

• people want more stuff, opportunities, experiences, now. We live in a very, very consumerist society
• the tax take is higher bevause we rightly expect decent public services

If people can’t manage then that isn’t a dilemma only for women and shouldn’t be presented as such.

Plus most women around me don’t want to be the default carer, only “forced” into the labour market because we can’t pay the broadband bill. You start from an equal position; “we are two people who choose to have kids and run a home. How are we going to pay for that?”.

I would hate to be financially dependent on a man and my kids don't get that concept at all. Thank god.

The reason men don't earn enough today to support a household on their income alone is not because of feminism.

2 cars was unusual when I was growing up (80s), most people I knew holidayed in the UK (and not every year), we had no mobile phones, TV subscriptions, Amazon prime, most houses had one bathroom.

I think it is a terrible thing that house prices have spiralled out of control, but to pretend that the lifestyle that the “average” Brit now has is anything like it was 40 years ago (let alone my mum’s generation!) is ridiculous.

I for one am glad that feminism gained me equal pay & career opportunities so I can be the higher earner and provide for my family (not that DH doesn’t, but I earn 3x what he does).

I'm a sahm and my DH is not a top 1% earner (70 k/year). DS1 is autistic and it wouldn't work if I worked unless I made enough to pay for an assistant for him.

I agree with @ConservativeC2 that life is hard for most working women. Why? Because their men don't step up at home/with kids/mental loud. So women are being overworked and judged for whatever they do. I'm a sahm so completely useless to society. If I would work then I would be a shit mother since my dc, well especially dc1, really need me at home. To be honest I would have divorced if I hadn't been a sahm. This way it feels fair that I take care of the home and the children but if I worked I would feel resentful for DHs lack of implication (I noticed his laziness after having dc). So this way it works out for us.

There are some men who are feminists in action and not just verbally but unfortunately far from the majority.

You think your predecessor women had two cars, a three bed semi and a holiday a year? More like a trip to Blackpool once a year, 3+ children in a 2 bed terrace and one car if they were high earners, no satellite or subscription TV and no mobile phone or internet. Could you afford that one on salary? I think you probably could…

I’m a top 1% earner with a job I thought enjoy who would make a terrible homemaker so married someone who does 75%+ of the housework. I’m happy with feminism, thanks.

I don't understand why you feel like the goal is to not work? Many women WANT to work. We find it fulfilling.

I can vote. I can buy my own house. I can control my own money and have a bank account. I can sign a contract. I can have contraception, I can get the morning after pill. I can have an abortion. I can consent to surgery. I can drive. I can choose to have children. If I am assaulted by my husband I can call the police and have it classed as rape. I am free to make whatever choice in life I choose, without needing permission from either a husband, my father or the government. Everything on my list was unavailable to women at some point in the recent history.

I don't know what rose tinted glasses you're looking through but my ancestors, even so recent as my grandmother, had much less choice and freedom in their day than I have in mine, my life is considerably easier than theirs was.

@vivainsomnia ”Women usually do the lion share of the work at home because they are more likely to work fewer hours so it balances out.”

Incorrect - studies have shown that even when women outearn their partners by a significant margin, they do more of the domestic work.

For most of human existence, women have always worked alongside men.

The short period when some women were expected not to work (roughly the 19th to mid-20th century) was an exception, not the norm, and even then, it applied mostly to wealthier women. Working-class women still laboured in factories, fields, and homes.

So when people say feminism “ruined things” by making women work, they’re really referring to the end of a temporary and class-specific ideal - the idea that women shouldn’t work outside the home.

Feminism didn’t create the pressure of balancing work and childcare; it simply made women’s work visible, valued, and compensated, rather than unpaid and confined to the home.

In reality, feminism expanded choices. It didn’t take something away, it challenged a brief, unequal period in which women were expected to depend entirely on men, even though they’d always been workers and contributors throughout history.

You have the choice not to live with a man and have to clean up after him, not have kids if you don't want them. Yes there is still a way to go, but we do have a hell of a lot more choices than we used to!

@JHound You don’t have to be with a top 1% earner to be a SAHM.

I think most people would not be happy though if all the pressure was on them to earn money and completely subsidise the other person.

The only people who are OK with that, generally speaking, are people who have so much money that it's no object for them.