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Feminism sold a lie - Women, today, are worse off than ever

888 replies

ConservativeC2 · 28/10/2025 20:58

Listening to the women I work with, it's been interesting to hear their views about feminism and they are not happy. We are all millennial age so not too young, not too old and I keep hearing that it's the millennial generation of women that have absolutely lost out the most.

I think feminism initially promoted some idea of independence, equality and choice. Phrases like 'men hold all the money and power' at the time were very emotive whilst not entirely true. The correct statement then (and still now) is some men hold all the money and power. Most men back in the 50s-70s worked very long hours and spent pretty much all their money on their family. It was hard for everyone, but I think women were more empowered then than now.

In contrast to today, most of the women my age have to work. Whilst feminism promotes choice, most of them do not actually have a choice today. Most men today do not earn enough to run a household which means most women have to work. The worst part is they still do a larger share of the domestic work and childcare. So I think women now have it worse than ever - it's not just me, my female colleagues feel the same way. They've come to point in life where they want to start a family but they know they will have to come back to work.

Now it's all to do with feminism. There are other factors which has driven up the cost of living (inflation, property prices, profit extraction from multinational corporates etc).

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 13:26

I'm irrationally annoyed by the OP and others on this thread who are unwilling to recognise even a fraction of how much previous generations of feminist women have done for them. How on earth can they be so ignorant?!

I would be so utterly ashamed if my own dd was so clueless. I really hope that I have done enough to educate her about those incredible women upon whose shoulders both she and I stand.

Barnbrack · 29/10/2025 13:23

Not read beyond the op but what absolute nonsense. I'm an elder millennial and 1 of 4 sisters. My mum was a sahm. We all have careers, choices, some work part time some full time some married some not some with kids some not. So here we are. Happy, confident women with choices. Exactly what feminism was all about. If my husband had a personality transplant tomorrow and punched me I'd confidently and financially happily walk away. My mum didn't have that option. Nor did her sisters. Everyone's fate hinged on who they'd married.

MNLurker1345 · 29/10/2025 13:19

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 13:12

How exactly do we rage against the system? We are trapped in a cost of living crisis. There’s an illusion of choice. We simply don’t have the choice of not working.

You have a voice and you are expressing your rage at the fact that you “don’t have the choice of not working”. Genuine question, do you want
to stay at home, looking after children, husbands and home. Do you want men to work to facilitate that life? You speak about choice, what does choice look like to you?

SideshowItchy · 29/10/2025 13:18

Ubertomusic · 29/10/2025 08:56

Yeah, blame the victim, it's so incredibly feminist 😁

How the fuck is that blaming the victim?

No one is forcing a woman to stay with a man who doesnt pull his weight.... THANKS TO FEMINISM!!

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 13:12

MNLurker1345 · 29/10/2025 12:43

Feminism gets blamed for what’s really an economic shift. Households do better with two incomes, that’s the message and that for most is the aspiration. Feminism and its call for liberation has been turned into obligation, and women carry both the productive and emotional loads.

It’s not that feminism has failed or lied
to us, feminism has been absorbed into the system as productivity. Feminism’s message of “you can do it all”, has been distorted by the system and become “you must do it all”. We are all just resources!

But believe me OP, it really isn’t worst than ever. I think because your generation does have a voice you can be more vocal and rage against the system. Surely that is a benefit of feminism.

How exactly do we rage against the system? We are trapped in a cost of living crisis. There’s an illusion of choice. We simply don’t have the choice of not working.

ObelixtheGaul · 29/10/2025 13:03

I'm gen X, born in the 1970s. Up until the year after I was born, my mother couldn't have got a mortgage on her own, even if she'd had the finances, because women weren't allowed to do so. That's the type of thing people talk about when they talk about men having the power and control.

Yes, Men were working all hours to feed their families, but that wasn't because the women were sat on their arses expecting to be provided for, it was because the means to earn a living as a woman were far more limited. You could legally be fired for being pregnant. You could legally not be employed in the first place because you were a woman. Many women who were in employment were being paid a pittance, often less than their male equivalents, with no opportunities for promotion. There wasn't much choice but to rely on a man's wage if you had kids, because his would be more than you could earn as a mother who would be turned down at many places of employment because she WAS a mother.

My own mother worked for a company which, perfectly legally at the time, only offered pensions to men. Again, forcing this reliance you seem to think was some easy street of not having to work for a living.

The only woman in my family who didn't work outside of the home was one grandma who was a farmer's wife, so worked on the farm. My other grandma had several jobs to help make ends meet, limited by her lack of education, which again affected women more than men, because education for women was less valued, and limited because she had children to bring up and 'flexible working hours' didn't exist, then at all.

They still didn't exist when my mum worked when I was a child. If we got sick, she had to lie and tell them she was ill. Time off for sick children wasn't permitted. Neither was asking to leave at 3 for the school run, so I went home on my own to an empty house at the age of seven, until my sister got home later from secondary school.

It wasn't all grandparents five minutes down the road and husband's earnings covering all costs.
If you were unfortunate enough to find yourself on your own in the decades you think were so much better, you were pretty much buggered.

Women often married because they had to. A husbandless woman was limited as to her earnings and opportunities even without children, but especially with children. Not to mention, if you were married, your husband could rape you. Shockingly, marital rape was not criminalised in the UK until 1991. Rape in general wasn't legally defined until 1956. Domestic abuse, even in the eighties,was rarely considered a police matter

Not in a million would I think women are worse off today because more of us have to work to keep a roof over our heads as well as childcare.

At least I can sign a cheque without my husband's agreement, get contraception without his permission, get a mortgage on my own if I have the finances, and my husband isn't legally permitted to force me to have sex against my will.

It is possible for me to function without a man, legally, even if it is difficult financially. And that, to me, is the biggest difference, the biggest gain.

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 13:00

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 12:41

lol, I call bullshit somewhere. How old are you? Did you buy your house on auction or something. Something doesn’t add up here - most expensive areas outside London on £45k a year household income 🤔

I adore that you can’t comprehend that a couple are capable of budgeting on £45K whilst having one parent at home. Many do this on less.

I’m 39, DH 40. Bought our house 14 years ago with a 15% deposit. Granted, we couldn’t afford this house now starting out- it has rocketed in value (as I said, we live in a very expensive area). We were 8 years into a 30 year mortgage when I resigned, our monthly payments have dropped a great deal as we’ve been steadily paying off the equity, not just the interest. I put off having my first child until they dropped enough, despite wanting to get started having children in my early 20s, I ended up being 32, but wait was worth it to stay at home.

The main difference between ourselves and friends we know is that we stuck with our first home and didn’t do a second move purchasing a 4 bedroom, bigger overall home. We’ve also never run more than 1 car, which we bought outright from savings from our earnings when we both worked, so no car loan when I resigned. DH got rid of his gym membership and actually prefers running outside. Changes can be made.

Naunet · 29/10/2025 12:51

What an absolute load of self indulgent bollcks. Men no longer have the right to rape and beat their wives, it is also no longer a property crime, women can't be descriminated against, can have credit and a mortgage, can vote, have access to the pill etc, but boohoo, you have to work and support yourself like an adult, my heart breaks 🙄 Go move to Afghanistan if you hate having rights so much.

arcticpandas · 29/10/2025 12:44

RubySquid · 29/10/2025 12:08

I suspect if the wives didn't want children or the husbands had to do everything for them from birth then 95% of men would choose not to have them

Ha. My DH def wanted children. Some men do... but you can't predict hidden disabilities..

JFDIYOLO · 29/10/2025 12:43

Feminism has brought us huge benefits. I think the whole 'well you wanted equality 🤷‍♀️...'. crowing is a smokescreen, a derailing of the whole conversation.

Still work to do and I think the current conversation needs to be around the fact that too many men and boys see women as somehow not quite human, not quite ... people.

Seeing women - including those who work full time - as the default parents, housekeepers, kin keepers, diary keepers, knowledge keepers, cleaning and laundry keepers etc etc etc.

As a kind of domestic appliance met with bemusement when it stops working as advertised. Including the incomprehension so many fathers seem to experience when the partner who previously properly centred them is now inexplicably and inexcusably centring an utterly helpless other person with first dibs on her body and attention.

Where this comes from, the whole incel movement, the 'male loneliness epidemic'
needs addressing - and it's not purely women's work to do that. It's everyone's.

A sea change in thinking is needed and it starts at home. Through a feminist lens.

MNLurker1345 · 29/10/2025 12:43

Feminism gets blamed for what’s really an economic shift. Households do better with two incomes, that’s the message and that for most is the aspiration. Feminism and its call for liberation has been turned into obligation, and women carry both the productive and emotional loads.

It’s not that feminism has failed or lied
to us, feminism has been absorbed into the system as productivity. Feminism’s message of “you can do it all”, has been distorted by the system and become “you must do it all”. We are all just resources!

But believe me OP, it really isn’t worst than ever. I think because your generation does have a voice you can be more vocal and rage against the system. Surely that is a benefit of feminism.

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 12:41

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 12:27

Both incorrect. We live in one of the most expensive areas outside of London. We have a 3 bed end terrace which happens to have generously sized front and back gardens, which yes I take great pride in maintaining!

It wasn’t inherited, my DH and I bought it ourselves with our own money. We’ve been financially independent from our parents since our early ‘20s. We’ve been together nearly 20 years, planned ahead very strategically and are both completely in sync with how careful we are with money. I’ve never actually owned a credit card, had a car loan or anything like that. We’ve only ever had what we can afford.

lol, I call bullshit somewhere. How old are you? Did you buy your house on auction or something. Something doesn’t add up here - most expensive areas outside London on £45k a year household income 🤔

Bruisername · 29/10/2025 12:38

The sad thing I get from the OP is that millennial women (I know not all) don’t seem to understand history at all. If they really think life was easier for women in the past then they haven’t bothered to read up on women’s (and men’s!) lives in the last 200 years.

and we seem to live in a time when people think life should be easy and they shouldn’t have to make difficult choices. No one seems to want to take any responsibility for themselves. Yes times are tough at the moment but no more so than in the past - just different. And go spend time in other parts of the world if you really want to appreciate how lucky we are

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 12:30

@ConservativeC2, are you actually going to come back to the thread to tell us what you think after reading the many excellent posts which have highlighted the various ways in which feminism has benefited women?

Or did you just want to post your tradwife views without really engaging in any discussion?

5128gap · 29/10/2025 12:30

Ubertomusic · 29/10/2025 12:26

I agree on this too. That's why I also think the elites are diverting the anger accumulated by the failed capitalist system to steer as many divisions as possible including the fight between sexes. It's evident on this thread: "you're not exhausted and desperate because you're being drained by capitalism, it's just your husband is a lazy w**ker, you must take upon yourself another work shift to constantly "educate and discipline" him as you clearly don't have enough on your plate already, and if he refuses to become as overworked as you are, divorce him and live in a broken home!"

And women apparently buy into this bullshit. When in reality there should be a constant fight for workers rights that are being eroded for both sexes.

You're right, there should be. But I still think alongside that we shouldn't forget about compound disadvantage, and that where a woman and man are facing a similar fight against class and wealth inequality he is still typically better off than she. Hence we need feminism alongside our other fights.

BunnyLake · 29/10/2025 12:28

GagMeWithASpoon · 29/10/2025 11:36

Not even wearing mine! Now that’s a protest. Grin

Me neither 😁 I never wear one if I can help it, so fed up with the discomfort.

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 12:28

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 07:13

Agreed - I don’t know any household that can support a family on £45k a year 🙄

Well we are right now. I know plenty of others going it on less as well.

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 12:27

Kuretake · 29/10/2025 07:05

I don't know where that poster lives but I recall her taking about her two large landscaped gardens. So I assume there's some inherited housing or similar unusual set up.

Both incorrect. We live in one of the most expensive areas outside of London. We have a 3 bed end terrace which happens to have generously sized front and back gardens, which yes I take great pride in maintaining!

It wasn’t inherited, my DH and I bought it ourselves with our own money. We’ve been financially independent from our parents since our early ‘20s. We’ve been together nearly 20 years, planned ahead very strategically and are both completely in sync with how careful we are with money. I’ve never actually owned a credit card, had a car loan or anything like that. We’ve only ever had what we can afford.

Ubertomusic · 29/10/2025 12:26

5128gap · 29/10/2025 12:07

Capitalism is an insatiable monster that will utilise any system to feed it. So while I agree it has made use of the changes brought about by feminism, it also made use of the patriarchy. In WC homes the woman in the domestic sphere made it possible for the male worker to work harder and be more exploited than would have been the case without her.
My granddad would come home from his shift of work his body was too old and damaged for, and my grandmother would basically put him back together so he could go and do it again the next day. A clean and comfortable home where he didn't need to lift a finger, a meal, the ability to rest and recover. Her work was needed so he could do his, so the boss got two for the price of one. And because the boss didn't even want to pay properly for one, my grandmother had to clean other people's houses and take in sewing to make ends meet.
Capitalism is very taxing on women's time, health and energy levels, irrespective of feminism.

I agree on this too. That's why I also think the elites are diverting the anger accumulated by the failed capitalist system to steer as many divisions as possible including the fight between sexes. It's evident on this thread: "you're not exhausted and desperate because you're being drained by capitalism, it's just your husband is a lazy w**ker, you must take upon yourself another work shift to constantly "educate and discipline" him as you clearly don't have enough on your plate already, and if he refuses to become as overworked as you are, divorce him and live in a broken home!"

And women apparently buy into this bullshit. When in reality there should be a constant fight for workers rights that are being eroded for both sexes.

Gettingbysomehow · 29/10/2025 12:22

I hated being a wife in the 80's, you often had to have to have your husbands permission to buy anything big, he could beat you and the police would do bugger all about it.
There was rampant sexism at work, the men would be promoted while us women scraped the bottom of the barrel, people at work would grope you and nothing was done, my boss did his best to sack me when I got pregnant, I won that round but he swore I'd be gone if I got pregnant again.
The most awful misogyny was everywhere.
I left my husband and brought up my son alone, it was a lot easier to do that than have a lazy arse man to look after as well as working and everything else.
I'm 63 now and have the respect I deserve at work I find my life is much easier without a man in it, unfortunately they never seem to change while everything is changing around them. That's probably why they are so miserable all the time..

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 12:22

RubySquid · 29/10/2025 12:03

Many families live on less than that!!! I've never earned anywhere near as much as that

Agree, I know plenty of others who live on less than we do with Mum at home. Depends what is prioritised as ‘essential’.

MorrisZapp · 29/10/2025 12:22

Of course women have to work, they're adults.

Feminism changed every damn thing for the better. I'm currently reading a detective novel written in the 1970s, the casual misogyny is astounding. Any woman currently whingeing about feminism knows absolutely nothing about what went before.

GreenCandleWax · 29/10/2025 12:21

duvetday0006 · 28/10/2025 21:00

Just want to say I agree with all that you've said (also millennial). It feels impossible at times.

Easy to be nostalgic for the 70s, but they were a bad time for women, particularly to do with opportunities in education and employment. Decent jobs for women hardly existed and women did not tend to rise in whatever organisation they were in. It was ceilings and overt sexism all round. Since then there has been an explosion of opportunities and a move to take sexism in public life a lot more seriously. Millenials probably don't realise the revolution that has happened in women's lives since the 1960s and 70s.

Dery · 29/10/2025 12:13

“ParmaVioletTea · Today 11:47

You are your colleagues are unreasonable and so very very ignorant.
You enjoy:
maternity leave
legal rights to equal pay
legal rights to a workplace free from sex-based hostility
not being raped within marriage
not being physically abused in marriage
not being put under coercive control
the vote
the ability to open your own bank account
and so many many more things. Within living memory. You are so ignorant of all this.
All because of feminism.
But you know what - go back to the 1970s, and see what you'd like about that. And then fuck off some more.
Ignorant women like you make me very angry - you like the freedom, without knowing who fought for you.”

So well put, @ParmaVioletTea. This with bells on.

RubySquid · 29/10/2025 12:08

arcticpandas · 29/10/2025 10:55

@MidnightMeltdown
A woman who depends on a man for money will never be his equal, and he will never see her as an equal (regardless of what he might say!
How about a man depending on a woman for childcare and keeping a home? A couple is about team work. My DH and I depend on each other. He couldn't work in the job he loves which includes periods of absences if I was not a sahm to our dc (one autistic who needs 1:1). We are both happy with our roles and consider each other as equals but to you I am not equal to him? He's maybe more feminist than what you are.

I suspect if the wives didn't want children or the husbands had to do everything for them from birth then 95% of men would choose not to have them