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Feminism sold a lie - Women, today, are worse off than ever

888 replies

ConservativeC2 · 28/10/2025 20:58

Listening to the women I work with, it's been interesting to hear their views about feminism and they are not happy. We are all millennial age so not too young, not too old and I keep hearing that it's the millennial generation of women that have absolutely lost out the most.

I think feminism initially promoted some idea of independence, equality and choice. Phrases like 'men hold all the money and power' at the time were very emotive whilst not entirely true. The correct statement then (and still now) is some men hold all the money and power. Most men back in the 50s-70s worked very long hours and spent pretty much all their money on their family. It was hard for everyone, but I think women were more empowered then than now.

In contrast to today, most of the women my age have to work. Whilst feminism promotes choice, most of them do not actually have a choice today. Most men today do not earn enough to run a household which means most women have to work. The worst part is they still do a larger share of the domestic work and childcare. So I think women now have it worse than ever - it's not just me, my female colleagues feel the same way. They've come to point in life where they want to start a family but they know they will have to come back to work.

Now it's all to do with feminism. There are other factors which has driven up the cost of living (inflation, property prices, profit extraction from multinational corporates etc).

OP posts:
Paganpentacle · 29/10/2025 17:25

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 17:19

This. 1000%

Even my mum has commented on how it’s harder these days.

Everyone is so switched on all the time - the constant emails - the pressure of social media - the disconnection - the cost of living is astronomical - the burn out - the Mums are burnt out - the Dads are burnt out - the anxiety about the future - the lack of jobs there could be for future children because of AI - the insecurity of the job market.

There may be some overlap in similar concerns over the generations, however there are unique concerns specific to 2025 in my opinion. And I’m just astonished that many on here have such little sympathy. In fact, maybe I’m not that surprised at all, it is Mumsnet after all, and most people on here seem completely devoid of any inkling of sensitivity for others. 🤷‍♀️

All of those things are valid.
Its not feminism that's to blame.

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 17:25

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 17:19

This. 1000%

Even my mum has commented on how it’s harder these days.

Everyone is so switched on all the time - the constant emails - the pressure of social media - the disconnection - the cost of living is astronomical - the burn out - the Mums are burnt out - the Dads are burnt out - the anxiety about the future - the lack of jobs there could be for future children because of AI - the insecurity of the job market.

There may be some overlap in similar concerns over the generations, however there are unique concerns specific to 2025 in my opinion. And I’m just astonished that many on here have such little sympathy. In fact, maybe I’m not that surprised at all, it is Mumsnet after all, and most people on here seem completely devoid of any inkling of sensitivity for others. 🤷‍♀️

My mum is constantly saying how much she loved being a mum in the 80s. She finds it unfathomable that I can’t it my children play out in the street, I’m asked to stay at birthday parties and how often my phone pings, she’s like ‘is that the school again?’ She also can’t believe how much time I spend helping with homework- we got none at primary school. She thinks I’m doing way more, and she ran a much, much bigger house than me and had more children and step-children!

Bruisername · 29/10/2025 17:25

They may intersect but having the right to vote or having contraceptive choices or having protection in law against DV etc can not be untwisted from the economics

And the glory days of the sahm that people hark back to was incredibly brief and for a select few.

wanting it all is the problem - no one except a very tiny minority have ever been able to have it all

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 17:23

Ihavepaidalotforthisstory · 29/10/2025 17:11

Having it all is a myth. Nobody can have 'it all'.

Surely that depends on how you define "having it all"?

I genuinely feel like I have been lucky enough to "have it all" because I have enjoyed a very successful and exceptionally rewarding and enjoyable career which has given me an enormous sense of achievement as well as my financial independence. Ample flexibility from successive employers which enabled me to be a very hands-on parent, spend loads of time with my dd as she was growing up and build an incredibly close relationship with her which continues into her young adulthood. And a decent, loving husband who genuinely believes in equality and has always done his fair share at home.

I don't feel that I've missed out on anything or had to make any real compromises or sacrifices. I realise that I'm luckier than many, but I am certainly not unique.

I have taught my daughter that she can absolutely "have it all", but she needs to think very carefully about the choices that she makes in order to enable her to live the life she chooses...

Ubertomusic · 29/10/2025 17:23

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 16:57

So what exactly are the unique challenges faced by working mums today, do you think, and how do you think these challenges differ from those of working mums in previous generations? I'm genuinely interested.

£2000+ for a nursery place? No realistic mortgage on one salary?

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 17:22

Paganpentacle · 29/10/2025 16:56

Hopefully he can afford to pay the bills and not divorce you several years down the line when you have no way to support yourself, leaving you without money, pension or assets.

The fear mongering on here is off the chart, seriously!

OK, let’s indulge this nonsense. My DH announces tomorrow he wants a divorce:

  • Our home is in both our names, so half of that is mine. It’s rocketed in value, so yeah, I’d be fine with half of that.
  • Let’s say it wasn’t/he physically threw me out and changed the locks. My mum lives a few mins away and has spare rooms to instantly house myself and our children whilst I got back on my feet.
  • I have an open job offer from the Head personally at my DCs school where I do all sorts of regular volunteering, so I that would be sorted pretty quickly!
PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 17:21

Bruisername · 29/10/2025 17:21

But the thread isn’t about pitching women against each other - every generation has unique challenges

but none of the issues facing women today that have been mentioned are because of feminism

See above ^

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 17:21

Paganpentacle · 29/10/2025 17:19

Again.... that is purely due to economics, not feminism.

But you are aware that feminism and economics intersect right? They do not exist separately.

Bruisername · 29/10/2025 17:21

But the thread isn’t about pitching women against each other - every generation has unique challenges

but none of the issues facing women today that have been mentioned are because of feminism

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 17:19

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:59

I think working mums have it harder than ever. Parenting expectations have upped, social media wasn’t a thing years ago, the cost of living and housing crisis has meant more have to work FT whether they want to or not. All my working mum friends are exhausted and I feel very sorry for how much they are doing every day.

This. 1000%

Even my mum has commented on how it’s harder these days.

Everyone is so switched on all the time - the constant emails - the pressure of social media - the disconnection - the cost of living is astronomical - the burn out - the Mums are burnt out - the Dads are burnt out - the anxiety about the future - the lack of jobs there could be for future children because of AI - the insecurity of the job market.

There may be some overlap in similar concerns over the generations, however there are unique concerns specific to 2025 in my opinion. And I’m just astonished that many on here have such little sympathy. In fact, maybe I’m not that surprised at all, it is Mumsnet after all, and most people on here seem completely devoid of any inkling of sensitivity for others. 🤷‍♀️

Paganpentacle · 29/10/2025 17:19

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:58

I’ve always done exactly what I’ve wanted when I’ve wanted, unlike many poor women nowadays who are priced out entirely of staying at home, many of whom would like to. I’m very fortunate, and hope the cost of living comes down so more have this perfectly valid option again!

Again.... that is purely due to economics, not feminism.

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 17:17

GreenCandleWax · 29/10/2025 17:15

What is to be proud of?

I’m very proud of being married, I took my marriage vows very seriously and meant them. Of course a happy marriage is something to be proud of, but that gets lost on here. It’s very in fashion to come on here slagging off your husband and blaming him for everything under the sun- that’s not how either me or my DH talk about or behave towards each other.

Unfortunately, career, travel, etc are valued more highly now that marriage and motherhood, but I still massively prefer the latter.

GreenCandleWax · 29/10/2025 17:15

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 17:00

Ha I’ve been happily married for nearly 20 years, and I’m a very proud Mrs!

What is to be proud of?

Bruisername · 29/10/2025 17:14

Women today are under no more pressure re childcare/work - it’s just different

but social media sets expectations that people didn’t have before

Ubertomusic · 29/10/2025 17:11

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 16:40

@Ubertomusic You wouldn't want your own daughter to get a decent job and be financially independent? Why not?

I never said that.

She has no choice anyway so what I think/want is irrelevant.

Ihavepaidalotforthisstory · 29/10/2025 17:11

WittyTaupeFox · 28/10/2025 21:01

I remember a female boss telling me once “we can have it all - just not all at the same time”

sounds about right 🙄

Having it all is a myth. Nobody can have 'it all'.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 17:08

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:59

I think working mums have it harder than ever. Parenting expectations have upped, social media wasn’t a thing years ago, the cost of living and housing crisis has meant more have to work FT whether they want to or not. All my working mum friends are exhausted and I feel very sorry for how much they are doing every day.

But honestly, if you haven't ever been a working mum and you aren't one now, what do you actually know about this?

The CoL crisis has undoubtedly put pressure on families, but working mothers won't be feeling that more than SAHPs. Mums working FT isn't a new phenomenon.

As for expectations? That has more to do with the zeitgeist than with feminism but people don't have to get swept along with it all. They can set their own expectations, as previous generations have done...we didn't actually all neglect our kids in the past, you know!

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 17:04

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 17:02

@ThankYouNigel Oh yes - another "proud Mrs." What would happen if you divorced?

Then I’d return to work, obviously. I would have been absolutely gutted to have had to when mine were younger and to have had no choice over that though.

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 17:02

@ThankYouNigel Oh yes - another "proud Mrs." What would happen if you divorced?

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 17:01

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 17:00

I'm not demanding that you should do anything. If your current arrangement works for you and your DH, then it really doesn't matter if I think it's suboptimal. It isn't my business.

I do think that the default option is for couples to split everything 50/50, and any departure from that requires negotiation and mutual consent. But if both halves of a couple are on the same page with everything, then crack on and do what you like.

Well thank you for that- a refreshing change from many more dictatorial types on here. Wishing you and yours well however you arrange things too 💐

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 17:00

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 17:00

@ThankYouNigel You're not married. And I'm guessing you have never been? I am but clearly I don't "love my husband, home.or children" because I work. Good luck finding a happy marriage in which you are treated with respect.
I'm also a Ms MyName. Do you also find that terribly horrific? 😆

Ha I’ve been happily married for nearly 20 years, and I’m a very proud Mrs!

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 17:00

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:56

No, it’s always the women on here demanding that other women split everything 50:50 with their DH, failing to see that some women do not want to do that and are very happy running their own homes. I know many like that. People on here are beyond patronising.

I'm not demanding that you should do anything. If your current arrangement works for you and your DH, then it really doesn't matter if I think it's suboptimal. It isn't my business.

I do think that the default option is for couples to split everything 50/50, and any departure from that requires negotiation and mutual consent. But if both halves of a couple are on the same page with everything, then crack on and do what you like.

StandFirm · 29/10/2025 17:00

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:58

I’ve always done exactly what I’ve wanted when I’ve wanted, unlike many poor women nowadays who are priced out entirely of staying at home, many of whom would like to. I’m very fortunate, and hope the cost of living comes down so more have this perfectly valid option again!

But there we have it: the problem is clearly not feminism, it's the cost of living and an economy shot to bits.

Mrsnothingthanks · 29/10/2025 17:00

@ThankYouNigel You're not married. And I'm guessing you have never been? I am but clearly I don't "love my husband, home.or children" because I work. Good luck finding a happy marriage in which you are treated with respect.
I'm also a Ms MyName. Do you also find that terribly horrific? 😆

ThankYouNigel · 29/10/2025 16:59

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 29/10/2025 16:57

So what exactly are the unique challenges faced by working mums today, do you think, and how do you think these challenges differ from those of working mums in previous generations? I'm genuinely interested.

I think working mums have it harder than ever. Parenting expectations have upped, social media wasn’t a thing years ago, the cost of living and housing crisis has meant more have to work FT whether they want to or not. All my working mum friends are exhausted and I feel very sorry for how much they are doing every day.