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Feminism sold a lie - Women, today, are worse off than ever

888 replies

ConservativeC2 · 28/10/2025 20:58

Listening to the women I work with, it's been interesting to hear their views about feminism and they are not happy. We are all millennial age so not too young, not too old and I keep hearing that it's the millennial generation of women that have absolutely lost out the most.

I think feminism initially promoted some idea of independence, equality and choice. Phrases like 'men hold all the money and power' at the time were very emotive whilst not entirely true. The correct statement then (and still now) is some men hold all the money and power. Most men back in the 50s-70s worked very long hours and spent pretty much all their money on their family. It was hard for everyone, but I think women were more empowered then than now.

In contrast to today, most of the women my age have to work. Whilst feminism promotes choice, most of them do not actually have a choice today. Most men today do not earn enough to run a household which means most women have to work. The worst part is they still do a larger share of the domestic work and childcare. So I think women now have it worse than ever - it's not just me, my female colleagues feel the same way. They've come to point in life where they want to start a family but they know they will have to come back to work.

Now it's all to do with feminism. There are other factors which has driven up the cost of living (inflation, property prices, profit extraction from multinational corporates etc).

OP posts:
CarterBeatsTheDevil · 30/10/2025 20:41

PeonyPatch · 30/10/2025 20:07

What the boomer generation fail to understand is that cost of house to salary now is disproportionately larger compared to back then… 🤦🏽‍♀️ It.is.not.the.same.

14% mortgage on a lower house price cost is not the same as what most of us face now. It is widely known how unaffordable houses are now. Salaries have NOT caught up.

(a) given that all of them with money are having to help their kids get on the property ladder I suspect they are well aware

(b) this is not because of feminism

Midnights68 · 30/10/2025 20:36

I know this has been said already, but where oh where did this historically inaccurate and incredibly misleading idea that women never worked before ‘feminism’ come from and how did it become so pervasive?!

PeonyPatch · 30/10/2025 20:32

The sense I am getting from OP is that of burn out. Speaking of which, is OP returning to us here?

Mrsnothingthanks · 30/10/2025 20:24

I wouldn't expect to be a SAHM and then for my husband to share half of his salary so likewise, I wouldn't be happy with him being a SAHD and sharing half of mine. We are both perfectly capable of working and providing for our daughter financially together. Just as we share everything else.

PeonyPatch · 30/10/2025 20:22

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/10/2025 20:16

That l fully aware of the hideous gap between house prices and wages. Even though we ‘fail to understand it’ according to you.

How do you know we don’t understand it? What do you base this on?

I am obviously not aiming this at you specifically, however a very very large amount of elder generations fail to understand the economic disadvantage that younger generations face. And unless you have children and/or grandchildren, you’re not really exposed to it or understand.

I hear it time and time again - that old chestnut - well our interest rates were higher. Yes, but the average house prices were a lot lower in relation to average income.

Many of the boomer generation now have gained a lot of equity and made money on their houses in a short amount of time so they are in a position to help younger generations. My generation I think is the first, maybe x included, where we are worse off than our parents.

Sorry I feel I’m trailing off into economics again, but this isn’t separate to feminism I don’t think. They’re both linked.

shuggles · 30/10/2025 20:17

Goldenbear · 30/10/2025 20:10

Married or boyfriend and girlfriend a bit different when it comes to sharing income?

Well I did say "or," so that allowed the question to be answered without dodging it.

If you were on an average salary (approximately £37k), would you accept splitting half of your post tax income with a stay-at-home husband?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/10/2025 20:16

PeonyPatch · 30/10/2025 20:14

So what are you saying?

That l fully aware of the hideous gap between house prices and wages. Even though we ‘fail to understand it’ according to you.

How do you know we don’t understand it? What do you base this on?

PeonyPatch · 30/10/2025 20:14

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/10/2025 20:12

Well I’m a Xoomer. End of Babyboom/ beginning Gen X

We’ve had to help our dc buy houses due to this gap that we don’t know anything about according to you.

Edited

So what are you saying?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/10/2025 20:12

PeonyPatch · 30/10/2025 20:07

What the boomer generation fail to understand is that cost of house to salary now is disproportionately larger compared to back then… 🤦🏽‍♀️ It.is.not.the.same.

14% mortgage on a lower house price cost is not the same as what most of us face now. It is widely known how unaffordable houses are now. Salaries have NOT caught up.

Well I’m a Xoomer. End of Babyboom/ beginning Gen X

We’ve had to help our dc buy houses due to this gap that we don’t know anything about according to you.

Goldenbear · 30/10/2025 20:10

shuggles · 30/10/2025 20:07

I'm saying that it's not possible for one person in the relationship to be a SAHP for a long time (decades) unless the other person is a top 1% earner (i.e. wealthy).

Trying to do it with an average or above-average salary would require a lot of frugality, and simply would not be acceptable to the overwhelming majority of people. I would not accept it.

I always find it difficult to ensure I'm saving enough money. So how would it be possible for me to tolerate giving half of my income to another person?

If you were on an average salary (about £37k), would you be OK with a hypothetical husband or boyfriend being a SAHP?

Married or boyfriend and girlfriend a bit different when it comes to sharing income?

PeonyPatch · 30/10/2025 20:07

What the boomer generation fail to understand is that cost of house to salary now is disproportionately larger compared to back then… 🤦🏽‍♀️ It.is.not.the.same.

14% mortgage on a lower house price cost is not the same as what most of us face now. It is widely known how unaffordable houses are now. Salaries have NOT caught up.

shuggles · 30/10/2025 20:07

Hohumdedum · 29/10/2025 23:24

It doesn't matter. The point stands either way that it is possible to raise a family without two salaries or marrying a man in the top 1% of earners however you want to define sahm. It may not be easy, or offer a lifestyle you are happy with, but it's possible as I've seen it done.

I'm saying that it's not possible for one person in the relationship to be a SAHP for a long time (decades) unless the other person is a top 1% earner (i.e. wealthy).

Trying to do it with an average or above-average salary would require a lot of frugality, and simply would not be acceptable to the overwhelming majority of people. I would not accept it.

I always find it difficult to ensure I'm saving enough money. So how would it be possible for me to tolerate giving half of my income to another person?

If you were on an average salary (about £37k), would you be OK with a hypothetical husband or boyfriend being a SAHP?

PeonyPatch · 30/10/2025 20:03

TheignT · 30/10/2025 19:50

Salaries were higher? Are you joking.

relative to house prices at the time!!!

TheignT · 30/10/2025 19:50

PeonyPatch · 29/10/2025 22:35

Oh deary me, again with the comparisons. Yes mortgages were 14% but the house prices were far far lower and salaries were higher - it was much more affordable. My Dad’s first house was something like £14,000. Ours was £210,000.

Salaries were higher? Are you joking.

firstofallimadelight · 30/10/2025 18:55

GarlicHound · 30/10/2025 18:13

You can't blame feminism for that!

Men are finding it difficult to house themselves, too.

I don’t blame feminism I’m just saying same shit different view.

Manyredpoppies · 30/10/2025 18:44

Bruisername · 30/10/2025 10:20

I think this idea of choice is misleading too

its not that you can choose to do whatever you want but that you have the ability to make your own decisions

so men have ‘choice?’ - not most of them but they’ve always had the ability to make certain decisions. And when a woman talks about working or sahm it’s implicit that the man will just go along with what she chooses

You are the first person bringing this up. This is always in my mind. I don't understand why people say femisim is about "choice". Do mean have a choice?

What happen if tomorrow my husband tells me he feels like being a homemaker? Would I like that? No. I wouldn't.

As I wouldn't like an alpha male working 24/7 and never being at home or share the house work. I want an equal partner to work, bring money and also share the jobs in the house equally.

GarlicHound · 30/10/2025 18:13

firstofallimadelight · 30/10/2025 18:02

That’s still happening now! Because women can’t afford to live alone/purchase/rent a house solo.

You can't blame feminism for that!

Men are finding it difficult to house themselves, too.

firstofallimadelight · 30/10/2025 18:02

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 30/10/2025 12:14

I get the sentiment that now we have to work while also running a home and doing childcare, but in terms of we have it less good now, tell that to the women who couldn't work and were stuck in abusive marriages because they didn't have their own means to leave.

That’s still happening now! Because women can’t afford to live alone/purchase/rent a house solo.

firstofallimadelight · 30/10/2025 17:56

5128gap · 30/10/2025 15:45

So, to summarise...
"I'd personally prefer to be married to a man who earns enough to keep me so I dont need to work. But because things have become pretty expensive of late, particularly in the SE (did I mention that I need to live a 'middle class life' in the SE too...?) then the man in question has got to be pretty rich. Unfortunately there aren't enough very high earners who want to keep SAH wives to go round so my dream is unlikely to come true.
I'm pretty peeved about that truth be told, and looking for someone to blame. I've never been fully on board with feminism because 'equality' does sound a bit like having to do some things I'd rather leave to men.
So probably it's feminism thats to blame for me not having such a nice life as my nan"

Edited

I think the issue is women want to be equal to men. In the past women were (typically ) housewives and child rearers and were considered subservient to men. Now we are all the above plus part of the workforce but still don’t have equality.

I don’t blame feminism though. I blame the patriarchy.

5128gap · 30/10/2025 15:45

So, to summarise...
"I'd personally prefer to be married to a man who earns enough to keep me so I dont need to work. But because things have become pretty expensive of late, particularly in the SE (did I mention that I need to live a 'middle class life' in the SE too...?) then the man in question has got to be pretty rich. Unfortunately there aren't enough very high earners who want to keep SAH wives to go round so my dream is unlikely to come true.
I'm pretty peeved about that truth be told, and looking for someone to blame. I've never been fully on board with feminism because 'equality' does sound a bit like having to do some things I'd rather leave to men.
So probably it's feminism thats to blame for me not having such a nice life as my nan"

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/10/2025 15:40

Kuretake · 30/10/2025 14:05

What changes do the people who think feminism has made things worse want? Im genuinely fascinated. Do you actually want it to be illegal for women to work?

Most of this is just people whining about being too busy and having to work.

I don’t believe anyone posting about how “feminism has failed” has a properly thought through manifesto for rolling back protections for women. They are just picking up dog whistle stuff from tradwife instagram and far right media.

If they actually had to go back to living in a time when they had to ask permission to open a bank account they would be running back screaming to 2025.

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/10/2025 15:36

@PeonyPatch it shouldn’t be happening today at least not in the UK.

I have never been asked by an employer what my plans are around starting a family. I have never known divorced women being pelted with stones.

There is unarguably a far greater degree of protection under the law for women to leave abusive men and lead economically independent lives. I can’t really see how you can arrive at the conclusion that nothing has changed?

pointythings · 30/10/2025 15:20

PeonyPatch · 30/10/2025 15:05

A lot of this, if not all of this, still happens today @GarlicHound

Do divorced women get stones thrown at them in places like the UK?

In any case, when you point out that things aren't yet perfect, you are 1) not denying that they were much, much worse for women in 'the good old days ', and 2) not arguing for abandoning feminism. What we need is to keep up the fight, not give up the fight.

PeonyPatch · 30/10/2025 15:05

GarlicHound · 30/10/2025 13:23

My mum had 5 kids and a domineering, violent husband who worked rotating shifts. She had no time to herself. He wouldn't let her learn to drive. She'd had to give up teaching when she got pregnant the first time. When she looked into returning after the youngest started school, Dad went ballistic as he'd be shamed for "not being able to support his family". There were no refuges, no support for mothers who left their husbands.

A woman I know left her husband after he put her in intensive care. She had one child. She got a council house due to her documented injuries. When she walked her child to and from the bus stop for school, people threw stones at her.

When I started working full time, it was normal to be interrogated about my personal life and plans to have children. If they thought you were a pregnancy risk, you wouldn't get the job.

If you queried why a male colleague got a promotion when you, as well or better qualified, hadn't been invited to apply, you were told he had a family to support so deserved more money.

The sexual harassment was open and off the scale, as others have described.

No, I don't think it was better for women!

Edited

A lot of this, if not all of this, still happens today @GarlicHound

Kuretake · 30/10/2025 14:05

What changes do the people who think feminism has made things worse want? Im genuinely fascinated. Do you actually want it to be illegal for women to work?