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Original poster

I am so sick of this abuse. Where and when does it end?

86 replies

NeedingASafeSpace · 28/10/2025 19:26

I’ve been with my ex for around 5 years. I met him not long after I had a child. He was so charming at first and shown the perfect dad role model. I loved it and him. He stepped up and was the “perfect man” or so he made me believe. Quickly changed and the games began we were on and off. I should have left there and then but the manipulation and games he played to get me back were something else. I was stupid and fell for it every time. We split for 5 months once then got back together I fell pregnant and voiced my concerns about the pregnancy. He told me if I had an abortion he would tell everyone I am murderer. Thankfully I have now had my son and I wouldn’t change him. But I would change his dad.
Me and his dad split for 8 months when he was a baby (3 months) because he scared him by shouting at him, smashed plates that landed near him and enough was enough. 8 months passed and emotions calmed. My son grew and him and his dad became close. He invited me out with them both and I did. And this is where it began, again.
he’s got worse this time. He screams in my face and he told me he was glad that he scares me when I pleaded with him to stop shouting at me when my son was in the house. He withholds mine and my kids belongings and he will not give them back. I am sick of this “man” doing as he pleases , scaring my children and me and THEN tells me if I don’t get back with him and stop “causing shit” (breaking up with him) he is going to make me loose my home, going to cause trouble with my family - the lot! I am so sick of this. Please no one tell me this is easy to leave if it was no one would be in this situation. Enough is enough how do I break free?

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 28/10/2025 20:17

ThisKindAmberLemur · 28/10/2025 20:05

I say this with kindness and good hopes for your future.

Your children are the victims of domestic violence. The shouting, screaming, smashing stuff, controlling behaviour, making them frightened, etc. All of it means they're victims of domestic violence. This is how social services WILL see it. And they will see it. So ask yourself this, do you want to do this to your kids? Do you want to lose your kids?

It's hard, but you need to reach out again and let people help you.

I need to read this every single day. The fact when I tell him this is DV he tells me that it isn’t and it isn’t because it’s what I do and have done to make him feel that way. If I behave different it wouldn’t happen. I know this sounds stupid to believe and honestly even I don’t know how I believe him when he says it.

OP posts:
Rainbows41 · 28/10/2025 20:14

He can't prove that you haven't been staying at your TA. But from now on make sure you do stay where you're.meant to be at.
Jog him on. He will only continue to get worse.

Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 28/10/2025 20:12

Givenupshopping · 28/10/2025 20:02

Are you living away from him right now OP? What sort of trouble can he realistically cause you with your family? Can he really make you loose your home, or is he just trying to frighten you, and because he's conditioned you to do what he tells you, it's working?

I’m currently living in temporary accommodation. It’s a flat. He has made it that if I stay here he doesn’t trust me and so he goes in a mood if I stay here. So I have been staying at his for around 3 weeks. He said he would report me to the council if I “cause trouble for him” (leave) so that’s why I would loose my place

OP posts:
Allmychickenscometoroost · 28/10/2025 20:11

Me and his dad split for 8 months when he was a baby (3 months) because he scared him by shouting at him, smashed plates that landed near him and enough was enough

I judge anyone who gets back with a man who scares a baby. This is horrific. I really hope you get all the support you need to leave this man for good, but please think about what your child has endured since being born. And you have allowed it.
Yes it's harsh but please feel the judgement and use it as fuel to leave.

ThisKindAmberLemur · 28/10/2025 20:05

I say this with kindness and good hopes for your future.

Your children are the victims of domestic violence. The shouting, screaming, smashing stuff, controlling behaviour, making them frightened, etc. All of it means they're victims of domestic violence. This is how social services WILL see it. And they will see it. So ask yourself this, do you want to do this to your kids? Do you want to lose your kids?

It's hard, but you need to reach out again and let people help you.

Phoenixdust · 28/10/2025 20:05

There is nothing wrong with you lovely, you have been conditioned and manipulated slowly over time by a narcissistic sociopath don’t be hard on yourself ♥️

You have now recognised you need to do something for you and importantly for your child that does not have a say in any of this! You need to report this to the police and contact a domestic abuse charity they will give you advice to keep you safe when you are about to leave this can be a dangerous time xx

once you leave stay focused remember why you have left and take every minute of every hour of the day at a time, block him from everything and tell everyone not to speak to him or tell him where you are xx stay safe ♥️🤍

Givenupshopping · 28/10/2025 20:02

Are you living away from him right now OP? What sort of trouble can he realistically cause you with your family? Can he really make you loose your home, or is he just trying to frighten you, and because he's conditioned you to do what he tells you, it's working?

Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 28/10/2025 19:56

Lmnop22 · 28/10/2025 19:45

It’s absolutely not easy but it is necessary. You have to find the strength within to just leave and never look back. Go to family or friends if you have them, a shelter if you don’t. Dont tell him you’re going because leaving is the most dangerous time for people in abusive relationships - pack whatever you can and get out whilst he’s at work or whatever.

Then never ever believe him again when he tries to threaten you or win you back. Find the strength in wanting your son to grow up knowing what healthy relationships look like and having healthy boundaries. Do it for him!

You’re so right in all that you are saying. I feel so low on energy and the cravings to go back are rotten. My head is a mess right now. I have tried reaching out to DV support groups the lot. I even had counselling!? There’s something seriously wrong with me.

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 28/10/2025 19:45

It’s absolutely not easy but it is necessary. You have to find the strength within to just leave and never look back. Go to family or friends if you have them, a shelter if you don’t. Dont tell him you’re going because leaving is the most dangerous time for people in abusive relationships - pack whatever you can and get out whilst he’s at work or whatever.

Then never ever believe him again when he tries to threaten you or win you back. Find the strength in wanting your son to grow up knowing what healthy relationships look like and having healthy boundaries. Do it for him!

BMW6 · 28/10/2025 19:37

It will only end if you walk away. You could report his abuse to the Police, contact a Domestic Abuse Support group, move, tell him to Fuck Off.......

There's no easy way but I'm afraid you're the only one who can change your situation.

nutbrownhare15 · 28/10/2025 19:29

Speak to a local domestic abuse support organisation.

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