Moving in with partner- pay £400 rent? Is that ok?

OP

On what basis are you moving in? Because that sets the tone for all the subsequent discussions and agreements. are you going to be...

A lodger (no agreement, can be chucked out at any time)
A tenant (with a tenancy agreement)
A casual girlfriend (who can leave whenever she wants but has little say in the household finances)
A fiancé (with a promise and expectation of becoming...)
A wife (so presumably equals, on the deeds, going to inherit when he dies)?

How can you 'try it out to see if it works' when you don't know what you are trying out?

I think you are wrong to expect to zero housing costs. If I were him, I would be very suspicious of your motives. You think you should pay absolutely nothing towards the cost if the roof over your head? Really? If you rent, you pay the cost of the home, not just the cost of living there. This is the same. I agree, less than market rate because you aren’t renting in the traditional sense. But you aren’t “paying his mortgage”, you are paying for you and your DD to live there. Although I can absolutely see why not having any rent to pay at all is very attractive to you.

you should pay towards council tax, utilities and food, of course. You should not pay for costs of repairs/maintenance or white goods etc. only for furniture which you want (e.g. for your DD’s room and her use, which can be taken with her if/when she moves).

I think that you are being unrealistic if you think £100 more per month for 2 rooms than his daughter pays for one is fair.

I presume he is giving his daughter subsidised rates? If so, and your daughter needs her living costs subsidised then you should be making up the difference, not your partner. Equally, if you think your daughter should pay less than his DD because working part time, then it is up to you to subsidise it, not your partner. If he is not giving subsidised rates to his daughter, he should not be giving it to yours either. So if the rate for a room is £300 plus bills, that it is the same rate for your DD (how you choose to split that cost between you is up to you and your DD).

Or, he can cut the cost for his dad and yours, given he will have extra income from you and DD paying him rent.

Even at £600 plus bills you will still be cutting your costs substantially from £900 rent, plus bills.

If your previous rent was £900, why not pay £450 rent, so that you save £450, and he gains £450. Then half of bills, which will likely be cheaper that 100% of bills that you were previously paying. Your rent should cover your DD for the time being.

When your DD is working and able to contribute, I'd say that you, your DD and his DD should each pay £300 rent, and you and DP split the bills 50/50, with each of you deciding if you want to recharge some of your half of bills to your own child or not.

I am so sorry - I posted on the wrong thread (similar theme) have reported myself. Please ignore

I wouldn't be basing a decision to move in together on what my teenage daughter wants, or because the man is in financial difficulty. What do YOU want?

I don't see the rush to move in together. The children will be independent adults in a few years, would it not just make more sense to wait until they're out of the house and settled and then consider moving in together.

I wouldn't struggle to pay a 1400 pm mortgage on over 50k a year - what else is he spending on? Don't move in just because he's shit with managing money.

I found the response that you got from Chat GBP interesting OP. However, I still think that the suggestion made by a PP, that you and your daughter try moving in for a month, to see how things go, is a good one. A month should be long enough for any little niggles to raise their head, and if they don't, and you're all happy, then move in properly.

I've always believed that if a couple can survive a week's holiday, when they're together 24/7, they're probably well matched, have you all been on holiday together, and if so, how did it go?

And plan sone week or weekend sleepovers at his to see how it goes over a trial
What worked as kids might not now. You could rent somewhere much nearer his and keep finances and the dc lives as separate as they need to be

The uni parent contribution is important to consider. Can you pay 500 or 600 a month to your dd for uni to top up basic maintenance loan once your dp income is considered as household income? Plus pay dp for her room which she will only be in during vacations?

Something to consider.

Op also are you thinking about things like what you’ll do with your furniture? Put it in storage? Take out some of his and replace with yours? Factor in these costs too if you might have to buy a whole homes worth again.

I totally disagree that paying mortgage interest is like giving him equity - it’s literally not. It’s just like him paying rent to the bank, and you’re all only able to benefit from this house as he’s tied up all his savings in it, he could have invested them elsewhere. He is losing income from a lodger that he needs by having you move in. I don’t think he should charge you lodger rents as he loves you, but I think you should contribute to the interest part of mortgage, as it’s just an additional bill.

What are you going to do about food? One family shop or every adult fends for themselves? This needs to be factored in as food is so expensive. Does the rent his kids have been paying him factor in food? And I assume that covers bills too?
if the sons room was going for 400 and your daughter will be taking that over, then I’d suggest paying 300 for her room as you’re also covering bills(or less if it doesn’t include food) and then you pay half of bills (as you’re sharing the bedroom with your boyfriend?) so actually I think your original idea is quite fair?
on second thoughts:
how much of the mortgage payments are interest?
Eg he might be paying 1400 but 1000 if this is just interest - another way to make this very fair is for you give a lump sum of half the mortgage interest as that’s like rent to cover the 1.5 rooms you and daughter will be using and then pay half bills. His half is covered by him and the rent he gets from daughter. And the equity he is in charge of as that’s his property/investment. If I was the homeowner I’d find this fair too.

Glad someone else hadn't suggested a trial before you give notice. 4 people including 2 teens all needing to be up, showered, breakfast etc on top of each other for a few weeks should give you a good enough idea. Plus night time routines etc can all be irritating. Good luck

Have you worked out the housework/gardening rota? That's what makes blended families, with teenagers fall apart. His daughter is set to inherit, you are a lodger with benefits. Everything needs to be talked through. I give my DP £50 a week. I buy all my own stuff/food. I do all of the housework, I'm his partial carer. I've had some input into furniture and luckily I've kept my house, my youngest lives in it. So if he gets arsey over Christmas decorations, I can just decorate my house and tell him I'll see him in January. Is your DD able to decorate her bedroom as she wants? You shouldn't be paying what a lodger would, this isn't a business transaction. £300 for your DD, then work out what he needs for your share. You need to know if you are on the same page re heating etc, or you could end up subsidising a lifestyle you wouldn't live.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/university-living-costs-calculator/#!England
This is a tool which calculates the governments assumption of what a parental contribution should be to a student's maintenance loan depending on income of parents/partners in a student's household

• at £25k parents salary and below, they get the maximum loan. £10.5k
• At £28k salary, parents contribution approx £460 ish a year- depends on variables like, location, living at home, length of course etc.
• When you move in with partner they add his £52k income
• so at £80k you are looking at an assumed parental contribution to student's living expenses of £5,630 approx). An extra £5.1k a year.

Its worth reading the full article about the repayment of this loan, its not the same as a bank loan and you have until 60 to repay after which its cancelled. I think but the details change.
Also. UCAS website has lots of info about bursaries and scholarships. And other kinds of non uni courses or non degree qualifications.

Excuse me for sounding negative but this is full of potential pitfalls.
Everyone needs to take off their rose tinted specs and discuss the actual practicalities and reality of making this work.
Good luck