Moving in with partner- pay £400 rent? Is that ok?

I just can't see this working out long term.
You're both coming at it from different angles.
OP has stated that she's fed up with being 'a lonely single mum' and her partner seems to be looking on her moving in as being more of a transactional agreement to balance the books than anything else.
How well do you really know each other?
Or are you just using each other, in different ways?

He should sell his house if he can’t afford to run it.

There isn’t an easy answer as to a fair amount, you just need to have a transparent discussion about costs and see if you agree on what are shared costs, and how these should be shared between you all.

And all of this depends on the basis for moving in and the relationship that underpins it! A ‘fair amount’ that a lodger would pay is different to what a wife-to-be would pay, as is the way the costs would be shared out. Are the OP and her partner starting a new life together and blending their families? Or is she just moving in to help him pay his mortgage and bills? Is he going to be her landlord and she had to pay her way like any lodger would? Or does her status as fiancé mean they work out together how their joint incomes can be organised to support their future life together? They both need to be clear on that first.

A month trial seems sensible.

Have you sat down with your partner to discuss finances?

For example with both your bank statements, and to go through what counts as household expenses (shared), and what is reasonable, and how these should be split across four adults?

He should be transparent about what the rates and utilities are for his property - his council tax and bills could be a lot higher than for your home. There can be lots of differences between what people view as shared expenses - should streaming services be shared? Ring doorbell costs? Loan repayment for a sofa they you all use? Do groceries include alcohol and toiletries? What if one partner is a vegetarian teetotaller- their grocery cost would be low, should they subsidise the other partners costs etc.

There isn’t an easy answer as to a fair amount, you just need to have a transparent discussion about costs and see if you agree on what are shared costs, and how these should be shared between you all.

I’d say the other way if he only needs her to move in for money

You don’t move in because someone needs you for your money!!

It’s 1.5 rooms though she’ll be sharing her room
with her DP. And presumably he wants his gf in his bed with him!

Move in , not on ..

So .... does he want you to move on to offset his reduction in income when his son moves out or does he genuinely want you and a blended family?
It does sound as though he wants you as a way of balancing his books and its either you or a lodger!
And you also say you are not sure why his finances should be a problem in his income.
Frankly it all sounds a bit dodgy ...

Well you need to sort out the relationship before you make any other decisions. You say you’re not crazy about getting married - but you are really hurt that he’s pulled back from it? He basically wants a lodger with benefits, for now, and he’s holding out a carrot of maybe something more in the future. And you want… what? It’s really not clear what you want out of this relationship 🤷‍♀️ or what you are getting from it atm. This is about you - you are the one who’d going to be living with the financial and emotional consequences long term here - not your DD and not his DD.

maybe take some time to think about where you want to be in 5-10 years. And whether this relationship is taking you in the right direction?

How on earth have you reached a conclusion of £600 each so far £1200 for food plus extra for bills, but at same time seem to have seen the light on not paying towards his mortgage as you'd have no rights to equity???

That just doesn't make sense, in no way can you and your daughter total £1200 for food a month, that's a huge amount! How much do you pay for food for the 2 of you at your house now?

Add on top of that a self confessed lonely woman who describes her soon to be step daughter a brat.

This whole plan has success written all over it 🙄 it’s like watching an imminent car crash and all you can do is drop your jaw.

OP have you discussed household chores etc once you all move in together as a family of 4?

My plan is to pay in £600 each for food/etc for us and girls. Thats £1200 a month should be ok.
Plus I will pay around £180 per month for half of the bills.
And knowing me i will spend so much more of my own money for house improvements and nesting lol But I know that would be money lost if we split. So I will just do it not expecting getting money back

Madness

I think if it goes well after (at least a month’s) trial then you could maybe go onto the mortgage/deeds and you could then look to make sure any profit/equity at that point was ring-fenced for him. Or buying a new place together. Either way you can both contribute half of everything by having a joint account for household bills/mortgage (into which you each pay half of the required amount that covers mortgage and bills each month) and keep remaining money separate. You could also have a ‘holidays and other stuff’ account you share (and pay a set amount in each, monthly. And don’t pY more for stuff. Then you can take money off kids who are earning and put it into the joint account (towards food and bills). If he isn’t keen to do that then I think you’d be better off buying your own place and not combining households. It’s a tough one @Abracadabrador

A disaster waiting to happen.
A mean man that is shit with money.
Another woman who has to learn shit the hard way🙄.

''I definitely want to move in as I am lonely and have been single parent for so long.''

OP. that is an absolutely shocking reason to move in with someone.

This sounds like a recipe for disaster!

Their main driver here is that they need someone to replace the son/brother in order to be able to afford the mortgage.

Of course they're keen- they'll have to sell otherwise.

Please OP, give your head a shake. They don't want you for you.

Also, if you buy your own place, you are hopefully setting up some sort of inheritance for your daughter in years to come, but if you move in with him, you'll just be adding to his kid's inheritance, and your poor daughter will be left high and dry. Of course no one can guarantee an inheritance, but putting money into property is usually a fairly safe bet long term, and even if it all goes to pay care home fees when you get old, it's better than having nothing to fall back on, which is what you'll have if you move in with this guy, and pay him rent year after year!

Sounds like you're finally beginning to see that moving in with him isn't a good move for you OP, which is a relief, as I was beginning to wonder whether you were well and truly going to ruin your future by making this move. My advice? Buy your own house, and continue seeing him, or not, but don't move in together, he sounds much too selfish, and not a good bet if he can't handle his finances sensibly.

You’re very foolish to move in with someone who’s bad with money. And tight.

Because in this model he will be paying for half the OP’s DD’s food!

You will lose your child benefit which if your daughter stays in education till 21 will carry on, reduction in council tax for being a single parent, universal credit help etc - stay where you are!!!

Why should she be paying for his adult daughter’s share of bills and food?

OP, after your most recent post I am even more concerned about you moving in with him. You've actually said that he's bad with money, so why, oh why, would you want to live with someone who is likely to be taking financial advantage of you? Also, the fact that he took it personally when you suggested you give it a month's trial run, would be ringing alarm bells for me, as he was obviously hoping you were going to move straight in, and start paying up, but then realised if he continued to sulk about it, you might not move in at all, so he'd be kissing your money goodbye, hence the about turn.

You also seem to have increased the amount you're going to pay him quite considerably since your original thoughts of paying £400, has he been giving you a sob story?